It's Not What You Think
by C0ldSteel
Summary: Ray's lingering hopes are shattered and Fraser picks up the pieces. The Fraser/RayK thing has been done a lot, but this one may have elements you're not expecting. T for mature themes; might change it to M for future chapters.
1. Incidentally

_Haven't been writing for a while. Sorry about that. Life. I got a request from an anonymous reader (sometimes that's where my best ideas come from, so ty!). Had to find this show and rewatch/watch for the first time several episodes to get into the swing... may have watched the whole show in a very short space of time. Some episodes more than once. It's a problem. But enough about me..._

 _This is my first try writing for this show, and I'm rusty, so please be kind. Hope you like it._

 _Spoiler alert: Takes place at the end of the season 4 finale._

 _Slash warning: If that's not your thing, no one's making you read it. Think before you comment._

* * *

One: Incidentally

I feel a bit treacherous when I say that Ray is my best friend.

I went around two decades without a best friend. My childhood best friends were still friends and always would be, but their absence from my life gradually separated them from the pedestals they once occupied. But after all, a grown man doesn't need a best friend. Friends are valuable, but they aren't exclusive. On the other hand, they are also not _mutually_ exclusive. No man is an island, but every man is an individual.

It took me a short time to recognize Ray Vecchio as my best friend. We had our ups and downs as most friends will, but over time every down was a little more shallow. The ups began to smooth into a steady incline with no end in sight. I missed the Canadian wilderness and needed to return to it from time to time, but I kept returning to Ray Vecchio just as my father had kept returning to Buck Frobisher. We were partners. We were also best friends.

Then my life took an unexpected turn in the form of Ray Kowalski. He was capable. Adequate. But unpredictable. And most significantly, he was not Ray Vecchio.

Still, it was a similarly short time before I considered Ray Kowalski a friend. I learned a lot about him in a short time. He was reliable, courageous, selfless, by all accounts a good cop, and by my own observation a good man.

A good man who seemed destined to drive me insane. Or perhaps I would drive him insane. It was difficult to say who would accomplish it first. When we had our falling out, I thought that would be the end of it. But, as with Buck and my father, fate had another plan. Apparently, we needed each other.

When I thought of taking the new assignment, the idea of going home was an attractive one. I knew that the offer of getting his life back, of not having to play Ray Vecchio anymore, appealed to my partner as well. Yet, when I imagined the day-to-day, the solitary postings, the appeal was not as great as I would have expected. The environment was right, but the situation was wrong, somehow. If I had a new partner, it would be another Mountie. Someone with similar training and values, an idea that should give me satisfaction... but it seemed dull. It would be like having myself for a partner. No new perspectives, no new information. How could I be sure of these facts and truths I had known my whole life if Ray was not there to question and abuse me at every turn?

I must add that another reason for reluctance in leaving was that Ray Vecchio might return at any time. Supposing I left and then his time undercover came to an end? I missed him.

Despite all the uncertainty, during our Great Lakes adventure, I never once thought that Ray Kowalski was unnecessary or expendable. As my father advised, our partnership was more important than pride. I didn't consider leaving the Henry Allen without him. I wasn't even sure we were partners anymore, but we were friends. Friends fight; they don't leave each other to die.

I had no qualms about sharing my air supply with Ray. I don't know if it's Americans, or just paranoid men who panic at any close contact with someone of the same sex, but considering how much of their lives human beings compartmentalize, I don't understand the problem with this concept.

To illustrate: If you are a fairly ordinary person, you wouldn't take your clothes off in a coffee shop just because someone asked you to. However, you would do so in a doctor's office. What is different? Mainly the setting.

Another illustration: The average person does not feel comfortable pressing his or her chest against that of a total stranger, especially the opposite sex. However, at social dances, dance partners often embrace afterwards, thank each other, and walk away as if all is perfectly ordinary and straight-forward. Which it is, due to the setting.

In parallel, I would not ordinarily approach a colleague and press my mouth to his. That would be unsettling for both of us, I should think. However, sealing my mouth over Ray's in order to provide him with much-needed oxygen did not give me pause. How could it, when I was prolonging his life?

And yet, when we came out of that situation, Ray asked me if anything had changed. Why would buddy breathing change our plans to dissolve our partnership? Did he think that unless I'd changed my mind about being his partner, I would surely have let him drown?

It wasn't until much later that I wondered if that wasn't what he'd meant at all. Surely I was wrong, but... he _could_ have been asking whether I'd realized some feelings for him of which I had hitherto been unaware. Perhaps he had thought at first that I was trying to kiss him—a sort of last goodbye because I thought we were both going to drown. And when I explained what I'd really been doing, he realized, "So, nothing's changed."

I pushed such thoughts away for weeks, and then a distraction came: Ray Vecchio finally returned. My old friend was back, and I wanted nothing more than for him to befriend my new partner. Strangely, Ray Kowalski seemed to enter a bit of a depression. I gradually realized that he felt displaced. He didn't want our partnership to end, and he feared that Ray Vecchio's return was the harbinger of just that eventuality.

As fate would have it, Ray Vecchio took a bullet for me—his second on my behalf—so it was Ray Kowalski alone who accompanied me to Canada. I think it's safe to say that if it had been Ray Vecchio with me, we never would have fallen down that crevasse. I said no such thing at the time; I didn't even think of it until later. But it was in that crevasse that I realized there was yet another side to Ray Kowalski that I had never seen: an optimistic dreamer.

His cynicism had come out so strongly for so long that I had erroneously thought he had little optimism left. Yet here he was, making a wild plan for the future: Find the hand of Franklin. And another surprise: When facing death, Ray sings. This was something I had learned about Ray Vecchio as well; he sang to keep his spirits up. Something all three of us had in common. Singing Stan Rogers' bittersweet ballad to Ray Kowalski, I learned something about myself, too: I didn't want to be parted from him. I wanted to make that journey with him, wherever it took him.

And I might have done something drastic like telling him so, if we hadn't been rescued so promptly.

Back on solid ground, we were a team again. We stopped a crime of untold magnitude. We said goodbye to some longstanding friends. But not to each other. Not yet, at any rate.

I called Chicago to tell Ray Vecchio the outcome of our exploits and was thrilled to learn that he was back on his feet. He listened to my account and congratulated me on our success. Then he said something I wasn't expecting.

"So, Benny, you'll never believe this. I'm in love!"

"Oh?" I was at a loss.

"Yeah! You know that chick from the state's attorney's office? Stella? We hit it off right away! It was like love at first sight!"

"Stella... Stella _Kowalski?"_ I asked, lowering my voice in case Ray Kowalski were in the vicinity.

"Yeah! I know, crazy, right?"

"Ray..." I was even more at a loss than before.

"We haven't even officially been on a date yet, but guess what! She loves bowling. She said she thinks she'd give up the whole legal racket to own a bowling alley, and I'm thinkin'... why not?"

"'Why not' what?"

"Open one!"

"Ray... Ray."

"What?"

"You're not making sense."

"Don't worry, we'll keep you updated on all the details. And it's kinda soon, but if I should... I dunno, maybe hear _wedding bells_ anytime soon, I know who to call for the best man position, right?"

I blinked. "Ray. You..." _You can't marry Stella Kowalski. Her ex-husband is still in love with her, and he's my best friend!_ My best friend? When had that happened? I felt like a traitor.

"What? What's goin' on?"

"You do realize that Stella is Ray Kowalski's ex-wife?"

"Yeah, but... we're all—"

"If you say 'we're all adults here,' I will punch you in the face." I had never expressed a threat of violence to him before. And I knew without a doubt from whom I'd gotten that particular threat. Perhaps my new best friend was not the best influence on me.

I could hear the surprise in his voice. "Benny... come on. It might be a little weird for a while, but you can't expect me to turn down the chance of a lifetime because Kowalski's gonna feel... you know. Inadequate."

I blinked again. That hadn't been my point. "Ray, you're my friend."

"Yes... and you're mine."

"And I will still consider you a friend if you go through with this. But I had hoped you and Ray Kowalski could be friends, too. I'm not sure that will be possible if you marry his wife."

"Ex-wife."

I couldn't bring myself to speak.

"Look, I hear what you're saying, but I barely know your buddy Kowalski, and I think if Stella's happy, that should be good enough."

One person's happiness was good enough to rationalize another person's heartbreak. Even if that were true, I doubted that this spontaneous romance would last long. Why do so much damage for something that was so transient?

"I think she's the one I've waited my whole life for."

"You've been married before," I pointed out. "So, I'd say you didn't wait your _whole_ life."

He took a moment before speaking again. "Okay, I'll give you that. I married the wrong person first, and so did she. We just have one more thing in common."

I couldn't do this anymore. If I spoke to him any longer, I was going to say something we would both regret. "Just do me one favor and be absolutely sure before you take any major steps."

"Yeah, of course."

"You may not hear from me for some time."

"Aw, don't be mad, Benny. It's not the end of the world, right? You said we could still be friends."

"You may not hear from me, because I may be where there is no phone or post office."

"Oh. What's up?"

"I'm going on an expedition. It's of great historic significance. Ray's coming with me. Or rather, I'm going with him, as it was his idea."

"You're joining some historic expedition? What for?"

"To find a missing explorer. If we find him, you'll read about it in the papers."

"And if you don't?"

I told myself not to be overly dramatic, but I couldn't help myself. "Then, we may not be back."

"Fraser..."

"It's been a pleasure, an honor and an inspiration to work with you, Ray."

A long pause. Finally, "You too, big guy. Make sure you find that explorer. 'Cause I wanna hear from you again."

"We'll do our best. Take care of yourself."

"Yeah, you take care of the both of you. And that damn wolf."

I couldn't help smiling. I really would miss him. "Goodbye."

"Goodbye."

I hung up the phone and let my breath out slowly. Then I heard another breath, very soft, coming from behind me. I turned and saw my partner in the doorway. I couldn't read his face. "How long have you been there?" I asked.

A smile tugged one corner of his mouth. "We're going on a historical expedition?"

I felt sheepish. "I should have asked if you really wanted to go through with it before I shared that information. And... I shouldn't have assumed you wanted me along."

The slight smile turned into a grin. "You kidding? I could never do it without you. I'll die out there!"

He had a point. Ray's arctic survival skills were quite remiss. "I'll ask Sergeant Frobisher about a dog team, then," I said moving toward him.

"Was Vecchio mad? That you're not coming back right away?"

I shook my head. "No." I halted in front of Ray. It was hard to look him in the eye. I had to tell him. "I think he might be done with the police department."

"Really? He's taking his pension and running, huh?" He looked almost happy.

"Yes, and someone else may be running with him."

His smile faltered. "Oh, yeah? Who?"

I hated that I had to be the one to tell him, but I wouldn't have trusted anyone else to do it. "Stella."

"What?" He laughed breathily. "What are you talking about?"

"It seems they found they unexpectedly had a lot in common. They're talking about opening a bowling alley together."

His mouth fell open. "No... no, that's..." He ran a hand through his hair. "He's punking you. There's no way."

"He was quite serious," I said, taking a contextual guess at what the word "punking" meant in street slang.

He folded his arms and leaned back against the door frame. "Stella said she wanted to own a bowling alley... but that was when she was a kid. Like, a little kid. She never mentioned it when we were married. She was all about being an attorney." His eyes flicked back to mine, searching. "You're sure?"

I nodded. "I'm sorry."

It was hard to watch him wilt in front of me. All the optimism, all the energy drained from him like water being sucked from a young plant. I put my hand on his shoulder, wanting to support him, to tilt him toward the sun again.

I couldn't say what I'd have done in his place, but though I don't condone violence as the answer to any problem, I had to try to be understanding of his perspective. "I understand if you want to go back and fight for her," I said solemnly.

He was silent a little while, eyes staring through the opposite wall. "She doesn't want a cop who wants kids," he murmured. "But she does want an ex-cop who wants a bowling alley?" His voice rose slightly in pitch and volume as he spoke. "He can have her!"

I was again without words. When a sob escaped him, I put my arms around him. I felt his encircle me and he wept into my shoulder.

I knew this was officially the end of Ray's pursuit of his ex-wife. He hadn't gone down fighting, but in this case, I thought he was probably right to cut his losses. She had hurt him, but I prayed she hadn't broken him. I moved my hands comfortingly over his shoulders, trying to convey my sympathy for him, and my intention never to leave him. I didn't say it in words, because I knew they would sound inadequate at a time like this.

I worked one hand up into his hair, an instinct probably born of a time when my grandmother would sooth me to sleep when I was a young boy. Gratifyingly, it seemed to calm Ray. His breathing slowed and eventually his head rested peacefully on my shoulder, rather than his face pressing into it. I continued to stroke his hair and we stood like that for some minutes. He sniffed and sighed.

"Do you still want to go after Franklin?" I asked quietly.

He nodded without lifting his head. He still had his arms around me.

I swallowed, bracing myself. "I want you to know that wherever you go, I want to be at your side. As long as you'll have me, I'm your partner and friend."

His grip grew tighter, threatening to interfere with my breathing, but I didn't protest. He turned his head slightly, so his face pressed against my neck.

I was surprised to feel a slight chill. It wasn't cold in the cabin; the only explanation was the physical stimulation of his touch. I refused to allow myself to attach meaning to it. Ray's feelings were fragile enough at the moment without my muddying the waters.

He cleared his throat. "But we drive each other crazy," he said in a low voice.

"I know."

"You frustrate the hell out of me, and I... I verbally abuse you," he admitted.

"I think we can learn to do better. We have already."

"I lose my temper too easily."

"Well, if you feel like you're going to lose your temper, you just give me a signal, like..." I searched my mind for a good candidate. "Like cauliflower. And then I'll know that we need to leave the subject for a time when we're more calm."

"Cauliflower," he scoffed. "Would that really work?"

"I think so."

"What if it doesn't? What if I..." He put his face against my shoulder again. "What if I screw up and hit you again?"

"You won't. But... if for some reason you did, we'd learn from it. As we did last time."

He made a muffled sound that I couldn't judge between a laugh and a sob.

I was still stroking his hair.

"Fraser?"

"Yes, Ray."

"Don't... don't wig out or anything, but... I love you."

I hesitated. "Wig out," I repeated. "Is that the same as freak out?"

"Yeah."

I nodded. "I won't."

"'Kay."

I bit my lip. I couldn't leave things there. "And, when you say you love me, is that as a brother?"

"...Yeah. Always."

"Nothing else?"

The mere fact that he didn't answer right away was an answer, itself. But it seemed too difficult for him to find something he felt safe saying.

"Because," I went on carefully, "I don't want you to think it would change what I said... I want to be with you. Wherever you go, and... whatever you want from me."

I felt his breath on my neck again. "Fraser," he whispered, "I... I don't know what I want. Except I know I want you with me, too."

"Then, I think it's something we can figure out along the way. Don't you?"

He nodded again.

I tilted my head slightly to press my lips to his forehead. "Now... I need to ask the sergeant about the dog team."

He started to release me and then embraced me again, tighter than ever.

I hugged him back. "Incidentally... I love you, too."

He sighed, and I thought from the sound of his voice that he was smiling when he said, "Thanks."

* * *

 _I want to write more of this, but I'd like to get some feedback first. Because I have ideas for at least one more chapter, but I'd like to see if anyone's interested before I invest in it too much.  
_


	2. On Our Way

_**A/N:** Here follows a book of a reply to my first review... please feel free to skip to the break where the story continues. ^_-_

 _ **Kristi** : I'm very fond of the friendship between RayV and Fraser. When I learned there were two seasons featuring a different sidekick, I wasn't happy. RayK had to grow on me. Fraser is naive about relationships, but he also had an unhealthy one with someone he thought was the love of his life. RayV has shown himself to be hasty in relationships, notably with Suzanne Chapin. I prefer to pretend that at the end of CotW, RayV is reunited with Suzanne instead, to make a nice tidy sitcom ending... but whatever. He is as entitled to happiness as anyone else, but like Francesca and Welsh, I think his schmoozing Stella was lame and pretentious. Stella herself must be shallow and fickle to drop her career and run off with RayV when supposedly her career was the reason she didn't stay with RayK. I think Fraser, an insightful detective, might even go so far as to warn RayV away from her for that reason: she might repeat the pattern and hurt another of his friends. As far as canon is concerned, I think **both** Rays are Fraser's best friends. They're different, have their good points and shortcomings, but he would do anything for the safety and happiness of either. In this scenario here (and pairing RayK with Fraser, they're already OOC a touch), Fraser is trying to maintain both friendships while sticking close to the friend who needs him more urgently. RayV is beginning the adventure of a new romance, and while he welcomes a wing man, he avoids a third wheel. In a way you're right: I don't do the Fraser&RayV friendship justice here, because this story isn't about their relationship. They're a great duo, and I plan to revisit their friendship in this story. But at the beginning, Fraser is focusing on the friend who is letting go of a love of twenty-five years or so. (And I'm shamelessly using RayK's pain as a segue for a slash relationship. Because: fan fiction.) I had to laugh at "please watch the first two seasons..." I've watched every episode so many times lately... especially season one. I'm a big fan of RayV in general, and up until he takes up with Stella, I think he acts cooler and smarter in CotW than he did in Seasons 1 and 2. __I'm not one of those people who has to be for one Ray and against the other._ _I don't think I did too badly having Fraser take the middle ground—not actually trying to_ stop _RayV, but staying with RayK to support him. And I'm confusing the poor Mountie with semi-romantic feelings toward RayK, so... yeah. Again:_ ** _this is fan fiction._** _I t_ _end to use it_ _as an outlet for many thing_ _s, such as 1. Whatever's in my head right now. 2. More canon-like material, because the original ended too soon. 3. Ideas that would never happen in canon, but are fun to explore. This story fits categories 1 and 3. So, if you want everyone to be 100% IC and the plot to be very canon-like, this probably won't cut it for you. I would say if I ever write a Fraser &RayV friendship story I'll let you know, but I've been unable to find you (I stalked dozens of writers who had "Kristi" in their name, but none seemed like it was you lol). If you do continue to read, I hope you'll keep what I said in mind. Just because I'm writing it this way doesn't mean I'm a RayV hater._

* * *

Two: On Our Way

Sergeant Frobisher was happy to provide us with all that we needed to make a good start on our expedition. While he packed the sled for us, I went over a rough plan with Ray.

"The plan was to find a route from England through the arctic to the Orient by way of the Beaufort Sea," I said, pointing out the route on a map. "We know Franklin's party went to Beechey Island; they buried three crew members there. Then they landed on King William Island, here. There is a document saying that Franklin died there, before what was left of the party gained the mainland on foot."

"So, he's buried on King William Island?" Ray asked.

"Most probably."

"Is this map to scale? 'Cause that looks like a big island."

"It is. It ranks sixty-first-largest of the islands of the world, and fifteenth-largest of Canadian islands. It's over twelve thousand square kilometers."

"Which is..."

"A little under five thousand square miles."

"That's a heck of a lot of ground."

"Which could explain why Franklin's remains were never found."

"Yeah. So, where are we?"

"We're over here, near Franklin Bay."

His eyes widened. "Whoa, whoa, whoa... we're gonna take a freaking dogsled thousands of miles... and then what, fly over the water to that island?"

"Of course not. We're taking a dogsled to an airport, and _then_ flying to the island."

"Oh. Well, okay, then." He licked his lips. "Sorry for falling apart on you before. I'm better now."

"No apology is necessary."

"It's just... I know it was over a long time ago. It just doesn't seem like her to be so impulsive. And the last guy she got serious about..."

"Was a criminal," I finished. "You don't have to worry about anything like that. Ray Vecchio is one of the best people I know."

He smiled a little. "That is saying something. You seem to know a lot of good people." He sobered. "It's gonna take me a while..."

"Of course. One doesn't stop loving someone instantly... if at all. I imagine you'll always love her to some degree, but eventually you'll find you can think of her without the pain."

"Yeah." He kept his eyes on the map and nodded. "Yeah, that'll be good."

Constable Turnbull entered the cabin then and approached us. "Constable Fraser?"

"Yes, Turnbull?"

"The sergeant has prepared the dogsled. All is ready for you to hitch up and go." Turnbull took a deep breath and then quickly embraced and saluted me. "Farewell, Constable."

I returned his salute. "And you, Constable."

* * *

Once I checked the team over and made sure Ray was comfortably settled on the sled, we were on our way. Once we were underway, I had to rely on the dogs behind Dief to direct our course, since he couldn't hear my commands. I called a halt before we went out of sight so I could exchange a final salute with Sergeant Frobisher. Then it was off into the wilderness.

We were fortunate that summer was approaching, giving us gradually longer daylight hours. Unsurprisingly, Ray started asking when we'd be resting after only a couple of hours. I told him we would stop for dinner in another two or three hours, and see how the dogs were doing. The temperature was well below freezing, but there was still some danger that they could overheat.

"If they get too hot," I told him, "We may rest through 'til sunset and go on at night."

"Isn't that kinda dangerous?" he called back to me.

"Yes."

He shook his head. "Okay, whatever you say."

So, when we had traveled about fifty miles, we stopped. I found a spot near a stand of evergreens and managed to find enough dead wood for a good campfire.

"There won't be any trees on King William Island," I said.

"No trees? Funny, when I hear 'island,' I usually think of palm trees and coconuts."

I shook my head. "No. We'll be in the Arctic Circle, above the tree line. It's too cold year-round for trees to take root there."

He shivered. "Why are we going, again?"

"Someone had the idea to find the hand of Franklin."

"Oh, yeah, that was me, wasn't it?" he said dryly.

I slapped his shoulder. "Don't worry. We won't freeze."

"Thanks. I feel way better now."

I checked each of the dogs before putting down their chunks of tallow. They didn't seem to be overheating. I made sure they each drank some water before rejoining Ray at the fire.

"We're not eating tallow, are we?" Ray asked.

"No. I have pemmican and granola bars for us. Though you can try the tallow if you want to; it won't hurt you."

He grimaced and shook his head. "Granola sounds okay."

"They're good for energy, but the pemmican will give you more protein."

"Fine, one of each, waiter."

"We can make coffee in the morning."

"Sounds good. Are we sleeping in the open, frigid air?"

"Not exactly. I'll make us a lean-to."

"That's like half a tent, right?"

"More or less."

I knew he wasn't thrilled about the arrangements, but he was doing a fair job of keeping his complaining mechanism in check. He had known our expedition would not be easy.

After we finished eating and rested a little longer, I put the fire out.

"Do you have to be so thorough?" Ray asked, eager to get moving again. "It's surrounded by twenty feet of snow in every direction. Where's it gonna go?"

"Embers can travel a long way on the wind, Ray. It's better to be sure."

He accepted my reasoning and waited with Diefenbaker while I finished making sure we left no live coals behind.

"I'll be sure you get your forest fire prevention merit badge," he said when I rejoined him.

"Thank you kindly," I responded, playing along with his joke.

We traveled on for another fifty miles or so and then I began setting up a rudimentary campsite in the last light of the sun.

Ray had fallen asleep on the sled and I had to wake him to get at the tarpaulin and some other supplies on which he'd been sitting.

"Think we'll see any polar bears?" he asked sleepily, trying to help me spread out the tarp and making the process take longer.

"Not around here," I said. "Though we may on King William Island. They tend to stay on the ice floes where they can hunt seal."

"They don't eat reindeer?"

"Rarely."

"Huh."

I hung the tarp on poles at one side of a section of packed snow. Then I stretched out the other side and secured it with pegs. Ray declared that it indeed had the look of half a tent. We laid down another tarp to insulate us from the snow, then a blanket, our bedrolls and another blanket over the top.

"It's pretty much still open air," Ray said.

"Almost. But we don't have to worry about snow covering us in our sleep."

"How likely is it that that would happen?"

I looked at the fast-darkening sky. "Not very," I admitted.

"Uhuh. Well... lemme see..." He went to the lean-to and carefully lowered himself inside, swinging his legs around to put his feet out the end. He took his boots off and then scrambled into his bedroll at the back of the lean-to.

As I was going in after him, Dief slipped inside and burrowed down between us, pulling the top blanket into the middle of our sleeping area.

"Dief, at least get under the blanket," I told him. "You're going to undermine our insulation system."

With an indignant sound, Dief nosed his way under the blanket.

Once in my bedroll, I spread the blanket over again. We kept our hats on, along with the rest of our clothes. We said good night and closed our eyes.

After a couple of minutes, Ray said, "Fraser, I'm still cold."

I didn't feel overly warm, myself. "Well, there is a strategy we can employ."

"Lay it on me."

"I put our sleeping bags down with the zippers facing each other. unzip the first side."

"Won't that let the cold in?"

"It will let my warmth, and Diefenbaker's, in."

We unzipped our sleeping bags.

"Move a little closer," I told him.

Dief repositioned himself further down between us as we moved toward each other. I put an arm around Ray and leaned my head toward him. I awkwardly tugged the blanket up with my free hand, partially covering our faces.

"Better?" I asked.

"A little." A moment later he said, "Yeah, that's definitely better."

"Good. Sleep well."

"'Kay. Good night."

* * *

"Gosh, the sun wasn't gone long, was it?" Ray asked when he emerged from the lean-to the next morning.

"No. The nights will get shorter as we go. If we're in the Arctic Circle at the peak of summer, the sun won't set at all."

"Wow. I always wanted to stay up all night when I was a kid. If I lived up here, I coulda told my mom I'd go to bed at sunset."

I shook my head and handed him a mug of coffee.

He tasted it and and blew out a steaming breath. "Guess you don't have any sweetener, huh?"

"No, I don't think the sergeant provided us with any."

"Oh, well." He drank some more. "At least it's hot. That helps. Dish up the pemmican."

I was glad that he seemed to be in better spirits today. I had worried that taking him away from civilization while his emotions were fragile would prove disastrous, but that seemed not to be the case. It was a fresh start.

"If we find Franklin," I said, "what will you do after that?"

"I dunno," he said. "Is it bad that I don't care much?"

"I think it's good to find a balance between prudent planning and flexibility."

"I guess. Well... we'll be kinda famous, right?"

"Undoubtedly. There's sure to be a good deal of press coverage."

"But there's no money in this, right?"

I shook my head. "The British Admiralty offered a reward in eighteen-fifty, but I don't believe any such offer is still in effect."

"So, the best we could do is a news exclusive."

"It's not moral to ask for money in exchange for a historical treasure, Ray."

"Do you ever think of yourself?"

"Of course. But I already have everything I need."

He tilted his head inquisitively. "I admire your minimalist attitude, but don't you ever wonder what'll happen to ya when you're an old man?"

"Not really."

"What happened to that prudent planning?"

I smiled. "You have a point."

"So, what will you do after we find him?"

"Report back to the RCMP for a new assignment, I suppose."

He looked unsettled.

I went on, "Which I will consider carefully and discuss with you, of course."

He looked relieved. "What if they want you to stay someplace in the middle of nowhere, like... someplace above the tree line?"

"Such as Iqaluit?" I suggested.

"Sure. That."

"It's not completely uncivilized, you know. There's even a coffee shop in Iqaluit."

"Wow, a whole coffee shop."

"I thought you'd be glad to hear that."

"So... you're thinking I'd go with you."

"Wouldn't you?"

He smiled wryly. "I didn't promise to go wherever _you_ went—you promised to go wherever _I_ went. Remember?"

I laughed. "True enough. But you said you didn't much care what you did, so by default, that leaves it up to me."

"Hm. Well, I'm going on record: I don't wanna live above the tree line."

"Duly noted."

* * *

We made good progress that day, stopping for lunch and dinner and making camp a little earlier than we had the night before. I told Ray we would come to an outpost by the next night, and he was glad to hear it.

"Then how far to the airport?" Ray asked as we got ready to sleep.

"Oh, another couple of days," I told him. "But at least we can bathe and shave at the outpost and take a bit longer of a rest."

"Okay. That'll be good."

We lay close together as we had the night before, with Diefenbaker nestled between our legs. Ray laid his head against my shoulder.

"Fraser?"

"Yes?"

"You still... still mean what you said yesterday?"

"Which thing?" I had said many things the day before.

"That stuff you said after you told me about Stella."

"Ah. Yes, I did. All of it."

His arm slipped around me. "Hey, when you said you'd understand if I wanted to 'fight for her,' you meant posturing, right?"

I smiled. "I mostly meant 'try to win her back.' I certainly wouldn't want the matter to come to blows."

"Would you have gone back with me?"

"Naturally. I would want to see to it that my friends didn't hurt one another. Why? Are you having second thoughts?"

"No. Just wondering."

"I told you, I want to stay with you. Wherever you go."

"Okay." He gave me a squeeze. "I love you," he said, so softly I could barely hear him.

I rested my head against his. "And I you," I whispered.

After a moment, he complained, "I can't sleep. It's not dark yet."

I pulled the blanket up over his face. "How's that?"

"Oh, great. Now I'll just suffocate."

"Good night, Ray."

"G'night."

* * *

We gained the outpost in time for a late supper the next day. Ray was glad to be inside a more permanent structure than a lean-to.

"When you said 'outpost,' I was picturing something like the place we left Frobisher at," he said. "Not this... this is like a resort compared to that."

"It is a resort, of a kind," I said. "Hunters stay here on vacation. We'll have to pay to stay in a cabin, but it's a very reasonable fee."

"Well, if they don't accept American, you're gonna have to pay."

"I anticipated as much."

I checked us into a cabin and after I made sure the fire was burning well in the fireplace, we took turns showering. While Ray was in the shower, I saw to the dogs. I covered my damp hair with a hat and hood, but still shivered a bit as I fed and watered the team.

Once they were all fed, I brought them up onto the small porch to sleep. Only Dief came inside with me.

As I got out of my hat, coat and boots, Ray emerged from the bathroom, working his hair with a towel, flannel shirt hanging open. "I feel way better," he said. "Too bad Franklin didn't croak around here. It would be nice to come back someplace like this every night."

I shook my head at his ridiculous suggestion. "I'm sure if he could have made it more convenient for us to find his remains, he'd have taken every measure in his power," I said sarcastically.

He smiled. "Yeah, I know." He went to sit by the fire and Dief joined him. "I tell ya, after a few days in the wild, a fire's better than TV." He let his towel drape around his shoulders and held his hands out toward the fireplace.

I was gratified to learn that we shared a love of fire-watching. As long as it was contained and not dangerous, I found a fire fascinating to watch: the way it converted a solid object into heat and light was a beautiful mystery. Science tells us how this is done, but no one can tell us why. I sat beside Ray on the floor and leaned close to him until our arms touched. "Fascinating, isn't it?"

"Mhm. I love it when a chunk of wood is a stick of red-hot coals and you can watch the ashes falling away."

"And the sparks."

"And the smell."

I smiled and reached up to resume toweling his hair for him. He glanced at me and then looked back at the fire.

"I'll wash our clothes and hang them up to dry overnight," I said. "The next chance we'll have to do laundry will be at Gjoa Haven on King William Island."

"Is it a place like this?"

"No; it's a town."

"There's a town on the island? How big a town are we talking about?"

"Oh, eight or nine hundred people, I think."

He laughed. "That's not a town. That's a suburb."

"Oh, Ray." I let the towel fall back around his shoulders and ran a hand through his hair. It was still damp, but dryer than before.

He leaned toward me, pressing against my shoulder. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." I put my arm around him and began running my other hand through his hair.

"I'm glad we did this," he said after a few minutes passed.

"Me, too," I said.

He began buttoning his shirt, the flames having grown too hot for his bare skin.

I reached around and started doing up the buttons at the top.

When our hands met in the middle, he laughed. "Shit. I skipped a hole."

I pulled him closer and looked down at the gap between the buttons he had done up and the ones I had. I began unbuttoning and re-buttoning the lower ones.

He put his hands on the floor behind him and leaned back so I could see better. "There," I said as I finished. I left my arms around him.

He looked up at me. "Fraser..."

"Have I overstepped?" I asked anxiously, loosening my hold on him.

"No. I was just wondering if... if you wanted to kiss me."

Involuntarily, I glanced at his mouth, which was slightly chapped from the cold. "Would that be all right?" I asked, looking back into his blue eyes.

He smiled slightly. "I think so. I'll take the risk if you want to."

I felt calmer than I expected to if we ever got to that point. He called it a risk, but compared to kissing my superior officer, or a convicted felon, this seemed far safer. I brought him closer slowly, putting a hand to the back of his head for stability; it wouldn't do to miss.

Our lips came together softly, with only the faintest tremor of nervousness. It was a kiss of affection far more than passion. I moved my lips to his cheek and then gently pressed my cheek to his, holding him. It was a bit strange to feel the prickle of stubble against my face, but not unpleasant. It took me back to my early childhood, a vague memory of feeling my father's face before he'd shaved in the morning.

He sighed quietly. I felt his eyelashes brush my cheek as he closed his eyes. Felt his breath on my neck. Then a touch on my leg.

I glanced down in surprise. It was Dief's chin on my leg. I smiled. "We should get to sleep," I said. "We have another long day ahead."

"Okay."

I got up and offered him a hand. Then I gathered up our dirty clothes and took them to the bathroom to wash in the tub. Soon after I started, Ray came to the doorway.

"What are you washing them with—hand soap?"

"That and a little baking soda."

"We don't have sugar, but we have baking soda?"

"We can get some sugar at the lodge, I'm sure."

"Okay.

"Dief's spreading himself out over one of the beds," he reported.

"Ah, that's typical of him. It's my fault. I haven't been firm enough."

"Want me to tell him to get off?"

"No; that's my job. You go on to bed." I glanced back and saw that he hadn't moved. "What is it?"

"Uh..." He looked into the outer room briefly. "It's just... gonna be hard to sleep. I mean, the beds are so far apart." He blushed lightly.

I turned back to my work to hide my smile. "I thought you would prefer twin beds; perhaps I should have ordered a double. My mistake.

"Well, I highly doubt they're bolted to the floor," I pointed out.

He laughed. "No... I guess not."

A moment later, I heard the stuttering complaint of furniture being dragged over the wood floor and smiled to myself. I pulled the plug out of the tub and was about to start rinsing the clothes out when I heard Ray's startled voice.

"Fraser—"

I got up and hurried out of the bathroom, drying my hands on a towel as I went. "What's wrong?" I asked.

Ray was looking at the floor where one of the beds had stood a moment ago. "What the hell is that?"

* * *

 _That, Ray, is called a cliffhanger. ^_^ I enjoy those.  
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	3. Calling For Backup

_**A/N:**_ _Another review reply; story begins after the break. ^^ I'm definitely invested now, and I could see this turning into kind of a long story.  
_

 _Kristi: I wish I could agree with this: "a Fraser who is true to canon ... would not leave RayV in Chicago while RayV is still recovering from being shot and being undercover to go on an adventure with Kowalski, and would probably tell Kowalski they could go on the adventure later." That seems logical, and yet it_ _ **is**_ _canon, because it's part of the show. I thought it was weird, and if I'd been a writer for the show, I'd have had RayV show up in Canada at some checkpoint along their route and demand, "What, you thought you could do this without me?" After all, he showed up in Canada in the pilot, when he should probably have still been in the hospital, so why not? However, the canon ending is not as weird as their first draft—I read that they originally planned for Fraser and the Rays to_ all _go their separate ways with little to suggest that they would ever see each other again. That would have suuuucked. So, I'm grateful for small favors. I like your idea of Fraser talking up each Ray to the other so they will like each other, and I may put some more of that in. We'll see. The story is starting to get a mind of its own. lol But there's some good restoration in this chapter that I think you'll approve of.  
_

* * *

Three: Calling For Backup

I approached the spot that was occupying Ray's gaze. And a "spot" is about what it amounted to, albeit a large one. The wood of the floor was stained almost black. I knelt by it, looking hard at the edges of the stain, the middle, the pattern of discoloration...

"It looks like a bloodstain."

"It's not red."

"Blood darkens with age, Ray. This is certainly days old. Possibly weeks or even months, judging by the discoloration of the wood."

"So... it's old."

I brought my face close to the floor and sniffed.

"Oh, god, please don't lick that."

"Very old," I said, sitting up.

Dief came over and took a sniff for himself, and then licked the stain once.

"Ew, Dief, seriously?" Ray exclaimed.

Dief looked up at me and I nodded. "It's definitely blood, though."

"Well, geez, no wonder they had the bed over it. Don't want to scare off customers. I bet someone died in here."

I shook my head. "I'm sure management doesn't know about it. If they did, they'd have sanded down the floor and re-stained it."

Ray took on a look of dread. "Are you gonna get all caught up in this? 'Cause that sure as hell isn't John Franklin's blood, and I see this delaying us way too long."

I considered our options. I was as eager as Ray to continue our journey, but I didn't like to simply hand the case off to someone else.

"Look, maybe someone was injured here, moved somewhere else, died there, and it's all been taken care of a long time ago. We'll just let the staff know about the stain, they can clean it up, and we'll be on our way."

"We can't do that."

"Why not?"

"Even if it's a cold case, this could be a vital clue that was missed. And we have to alert authorities before we alert the staff to prevent the evidence from being destroyed or contaminated."

He sighed and ran a hand down his face. "Okay... so, what do you want to do?"

"Ordinarily, I'd probably call in Buck Frobisher, but I'm not sure I'll be able to reach him."

"What about your sister?"

"I couldn't ask her to come all the way from Inuvik..."

"Why not? She's family."

"Yes, but she also has her own assignments to see to. Actually... I'd probably call Ray, but..."

"Why don't you?"

I grimaced as I remembered our last conversation. "Well, the last time we spoke..."

"You didn't fight, did you?"

"No."

"So, what's the problem?"

"I said some rather terse words to him."

"Terse? What's that, snippy?"

I half-smiled. "Something like that."

He seemed to be holding back a laugh. "You told me he's one of the best people you know. So what, you think he won't forgive you?"

He was right, of course. Ray Vecchio and I had had many an argument, but he had held very few grudges toward me. Those few had not been entirely undeserved. "It's not that."

"Was it about me?" he asked more seriously. "Or Stella?"

I stood and headed back to the bathroom. "We'll wait until morning," I called. "I'll try to reach Sergeant Frobisher first."

"Okay," Ray said, following me. "But either way, you should call Ray, too. It sounds like you need to clear the air."

I sighed. "I suppose you're right." I started the water running and began scrubbing our clothes under it.

"And if you're worried about me, don't, okay? I'm cool. I'm good."

I glanced back at him. He did look fairly stable at the moment.

"What did you say to him, anyway?"

"I can't tell you that."

"Why not?"

"You'll get upset." I kept at my task, almost counting the seconds as they passed.

Finally, he said, "It sucks that they're together. But I fell for Stella... why should I be mad at him for doing the same thing?"

"You shouldn't," I agreed. "But jumping in so suddenly... not having the tact to wait until things settled more... If you had gotten to know each other well, considered each other friends, he might have made sure you'd be all right first. As it is, that bit of protocol may not have been required, but he did know that you were _my_ friend. He had to know it would be awkward, at the least."

"Yeah, it makes things weird, and it sucks. But she's the one who knows me. Who should know... how it would make me feel." His voice sounded tight. "He ripped off a Band-Aid for me. It hurts like hell, but it's not any worse than that slow, agonizing pull." He cleared his throat. "Besides... I've got you. Right?"

"Yes, you have."

I felt his hands on my shoulders and he leaned down to rest his cheek against my forehead. "Thanks for sticking with me."

I wanted to take his hand, but mine were drenched. "I couldn't do otherwise. Now, go away, or I'm going to get soapy water all over you."

"Oh, really?" He sounded a tad playful.

I wasn't sure how to respond. I definitely didn't want to push our relationship ahead too quickly. I knew there was a danger that he would try to use me to fill the hole Stella had left, and I didn't want to enable such an unhealthy reaction. On the other hand, he did need the bolstering of unconditional affection.

"I'll be out there soon," I said, with what I hoped was persuasive finality.

"Okay," he said. He squeezed my shoulders before letting go and leaving the room.

* * *

Ray experimentally rolled over the crack between the twin beds. "Yeah, they're gonna push apart if we're not careful," he concluded.

"I'll keep that in mind," I said. I switched out the light and found my way to bed by the glow of the fireplace.

Although we were plenty warm enough, he put his arm around me and pulled me closer. It was nice not to have the thick layers of clothing between us now. I could feel the firmness of his arm and the subtle movement of his fingers caressing my side. I worked my arm out from between us and he lifted his head so I could settle it under his neck.

"I've been thinking it over, and... I don't mind if you want to stay here and work the case," he told me quietly.

"Thank you, but you're right: it would only delay us. I think it's important that we stick to our objective."

"Okay."

"I only hope that whoever takes it over will be willing to inform me of their findings later on."

"Yeah. I kinda want to know what happened, too. Why do you think housekeeping didn't find the stain? They have to sweep the floors and stuff... wouldn't they think it was weird if the broom came out red?"

"That's a good point." I turned the problem over in my mind.

"And even if they didn't clean in there for a few days, wouldn't it have stunk, or at least attracted some bugs?"

"Hm. Another good point. I'll have to sleep on it."

"I almost _did_ sleep on it." He shuddered and made a disgusted sound.

I shook my head fondly. Ray was rather sensitive on matters of human remains. I wondered how he would react to Sir John Franklin, if we did find him. Probably in much the same way. "Would you like me to tell you a story to distract you?"

"Not if it's like that creepy ghost story you told me before."

"What kind of story would you like?"

"Mm... I don't know. My mom used to read me fairy tales. Jack And the Beanstalk was my favorite."

"Excellent." I took a moment to gather my thoughts. "Once, there was a boy named Jack. After his father died, he was expected to earn a living for himself and his mother. So, he took the family cow to market to see what fortune would bring him."

"You skipped the part about the cow giving no milk," Ray interrupted.

I cleared my throat. "Jack And the Beanstalk, as told by Benton Fraser, RCMP. No interruptions, please."

He laughed.

"Now, Jack had never wanted to be a farmer," I continued. "In fact, he had wanted to be an Adventurer For Hire. So, when he met a strange-looking man on the road to the market, he did not hesitate to stop and speak with him. After the usual greetings, the stranger offered to buy the cow for five magic beans."

"I thought it was three."

"It was five. Hush. Of course, Jack was skeptical, but when he held out the handful of unusually large beans, the man chanted, 'Grow up, beanstalks, rise so high; make a ladder to the sky!' and the beans glowed with a magical light. 'If you plant these beans before tomorrow, they'll grow into a stalk that joins earth and heaven,' he declared. 'It will yield more beans like these, and you will live well all your days.' The beans seemed to truly hold magic, and it seemed like the start of an adventure, so he made the trade."

"Good job, Jack. I always wondered what the guy did with the cow."

"Shh. His mother didn't think Jack had made a good trade, and when he said the chant and the beans didn't glow, she wrung her hands in despair. 'You're even more of a numbskull than your father,' she declared. 'Just because something is big, doesn't mean it's magical!' and she threw the beans out the window."

Ray laughed again.

"Jack and his mother went to bed thinking they were likely to starve, but when he woke early the next morning, Jack looked outside to see the colossal beanstalk the strange man had promised. It reached all the way up into the sky itself, disappearing into the clouds.

"It didn't take Jack long to decide the beanstalk needed climbing. He knew his mother would disapprove, so he slipped outside without waking her and began to climb. Up, up, up, he climbed, beginning to tire when his house looked the size of a postage stamp below him. Still, he climbed on, determined to see the world from the viewpoint of the clouds..."

I paused. Ray hadn't interrupted for a while. His breathing sounded heavy. "Ray?"

He didn't answer.

I leaned over to kiss his forehead and closed my eyes. "Pleasant dreams, Ray."

* * *

Ray woke as I was getting out of bed the next morning. He yawned and stretched.

"I dreamed a polar bear was chasing me up a beanstalk," he said sleepily. "When do we get breakfast?"

"As soon as we've fed the dogs," I answered, reaching over to rumple his hair. "And don't worry—polar bears aren't generally found where beanstalks can grow."

"That's a relief."

Once the dogs were taken care of, we went to the lodge for breakfast. I think Ray was trying to hide how happy he was to have options besides granola and pemmican.

"I'm going to try to call Frobisher," I said, gathering my utensils onto my plate.

"Okay. I'll get another cup of coffee and stuff my pockets with sugar packs."

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear you say that."

"Say what?"

I gave his head a little nudge as I walked by him toward the dish return station.

When I asked to use a telephone, I was ushered into an office. As I feared, Sgt. Frobisher was not available to speak with me. He was out on patrol with a squad of cadets. I thanked the constable who had taken my message and hung up.

 _Swallow your pride,_ I could hear my father saying. I took a deep breath and dialed Chicago.

"Vecchio household."

"Missus Vecchio," I said, "this is Benton Fraser."

"Oh, Benton. Good to hear your voice. How's Canada?"

I fidgeted. "...Cold, by Chicago standards. I hope you're well."

"We're fine."

"Good. Is your son at home?"

"Which one?"

I thought she must be teasing me. In all the time I'd been acquainted with Ray Vecchio, I'd never met his brother. Indeed, I often forgot he had one. "Ray," I said.

"You're in luck. Hang on." I heard her calling Ray to the phone. "Okay, here he is—say hello to my adopted son, okay?"

I knew this time she meant Ray Kowalski. "I will," I said, smiling.

A moment later, I heard Ray's voice. "Benny, that you?"

I instantly felt better. The use of his nickname for me implied that he wasn't upset. "Yes."

"Hey! Finished your expedition already?"

"No. We've scarcely begun, actually."

"Well, I'm glad you called. I felt kinda... bad about—"

"So did I." I swallowed.

"I know it's tough being caught in the middle."

"I said some harsh things."

He laughed. "Well, I was surprised... but I wasn't, you know, _hurt._ Didn't sound like you, though."

"I know." I knew who it sounded like, but I wasn't about to share that. "You see, the last time Stella was seeing someone, that individual used the phrase 'we're all adults here' to over-simplify the situation, and I didn't want to hear that from you. I overreacted."

"It's okay. Did you, uh... tell him?"

"I felt it would be rather dishonest to travel with him without telling him."

"I get that... Is he okay?"

"He will be." I waited, but he didn't say anything, so I asked, "How are you?"

"Oh, I'm good. We've been checking out the local bowling alleys... you know, to get a feel for the business."

"You've had your first official date, then?"

"Yeah, it went well."

"That's good. I hope you understand that I don't want things to go badly for you."

"Of course, I know that. Do I have your blessing, then?"

I squirmed. "You have my best wishes," I said.

"That'll work for now."

I cleared my throat, my fingers running nervously over my brow. "I wish that were the extent of my reason for calling..."

"Ah, the truth comes out. You want a favor."

"I'm sorry. I wouldn't presume upon our friendship if..."

"Benny, I'm messing with you. What do you need?"

I explained what Ray and I had discovered. "It's in the northeast corner of the cabin."

"What were you doing moving the furniture around, anyway? Trying to get a southern exposure?"

I ignored the question. "I wasn't able to reach Sergeant Frobisher. I wondered if you could contact him for me. He should be back at his station in a couple of days."

"Sure, I can try. Hang on; lemme get something to write with."

When he was ready, I gave him the number and our location.

"And where are you headed next?"

"We're going to take a plane to Gjoa Haven. If we make good time, we'll be there in about three days."

"They got phones there?"

"Yes..."

"'Cause I'd like to hear from you again. And it would be good to know where I can find you. You know, if there's an emergency."

"I'll probably stop at the RCMP station there. I suppose I can check in from time to time to see if you've left me a message."

"Sounds good. What'd you say that place was called?"

"Gjoa Haven. G-J-O-A."

"Why the heck is it spelled like that?"

"It's Norse."

"O...kay. Got it."

"I appreciate this, Ray."

"No problem. I know you'd do the same for me. Have to admit I'm kinda curious about this bloodstain of yours, now. I'm not gonna let you live it down if it's caribou blood or something."

I smiled. And then I remembered Ray's questions of the night before. "An extended stay," I murmured.

"What?"

"Ray was wondering why housekeeping didn't discover the blood. If someone had reserved the cabin for an extended stay, staff might not have gone in to clean until the blood was completely dry and no longer attracting parasites."

"That's a good cross-reference. I'll mention it to Frobisher."

"Thank you."

"Well... take care, okay?"

"You, too. Good luck."

"Thanks."

I felt immensely better when I hung up the phone. It must have showed when I rejoined Ray in the dining area. "Missus Vecchio said to tell you hello," I told him.

"Thanks. Everything good?"

I nodded. "Better, at any rate."

"Good. I don't ever want you to feel like you have to give something up for me; especially not a friend."

"That's fortunate. I don't think I _could_ give up that friend."

"We'll figure this stuff out." He reached over to take my hand.

The last of my tension melted away. I wrapped my fingers around his. "Let's go find a dead explorer."

He grinned. "Okay. Let's do it."

* * *

The next couple of days we covered a lot more miles together. Ray's constitution was improving steadily, and he occasionally took a turn at the handle bar, though I still called the commands as needed.

"They don't listen to me," he said over the sound of the moving sled.

"You just don't put enough authority into your voice," I called back to him.

"Sure, I do. I put loads of authority into it."

"They're not hostile witnesses. They're... subordinates."

He sighed. "I'll keep trying."

"It might also help if you didn't coddle them during our stops."

"I can't help that they're cute and fluffy."

I didn't voice my opinion that if Ray had had children when he wanted to with Stella, they would likely be spoiled little tyrants. "If you can't be consistently firm with them, they won't believe you when you try. Like the boy who cried wolf."

"Ha, that's very funny, Fraser."

"Funny, but true."

"Okay, I'll try to resist the cuteness."

But we reached the airport before he made much progress in gaining the dogs' respect.

"Flying is not my favorite thing, you know," Ray said as we loaded the dogsled into the plane's cargo area. "Especially on these smaller planes that don't load your luggage for you..."

"We can be confident that this time we won't be tied up and threatened with death," I said.

"Way to look on the sunny side."

"A positive outlook is good for your health."

"You're starting to sound like a fortune cookie."

Once the flight was underway, Ray calmed a bit. He enjoyed our first glimpse of King William Island as we neared it, but began to worry again when the pilot started our descent.

"Where's the landing strip?"

"Right there," I said, pointing it out. "See those markers?"

"We're gonna land on snow?"

"They do it all the time. It will be fine."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure."

"You're not just saying that to make me feel better?"

"No, Ray."

He leaned back against me. "I don't wanna watch."

"Okay, but there's nothing to worry about." I put my arms around him and rested my head on his.

The landing was no rougher than one would expect, and other than stiffening a little, Ray seemed to come through it fine.

"There, you see?"

"Yeah, we're alive. That's nice and all, but can we take a boat back?"

"Not unless we're here quite a while. The ice hasn't broken up enough for boats to the mainland yet."

He sighed. "Okay. I'm resigned to my fate. Lead on."

* * *

 _I didn't mean to do that. It was like I told RayK to move that bed and then he said "I found something!" and I was like, "No, I'm not doing a subplot." But he wouldn't shut up about it, so this happened. I try and try to make a story that is all about the relationship development, and plot keeps getting in the way. ^_^ Hope you're having fun reading.  
_


	4. Intimate

_Bonjour to my French reader! Merci beaucoup d'avoir lu! And I'm sorry if I said that wrong. I'm putting a French expression in the story just for you. ^_^_

* * *

Four: Intimate

"You sure we can't stay in the hotel?" Ray wheedled on our way to the RCMP station.

"We may tonight, but the town is much too far away from where we need to start looking," I told him.

"We're gonna end up building an igloo, aren't we?"

"Perhaps."

"It sounds like fun and all, but also a lot of work..."

"It is, but it's worth it."

"Hey, when we get there, you mind if I call my folks before you call Ray?"

"Not at all. I'm sure your parents are eager to hear from you."

"I just wanna let 'em know we're still alive. I won't need to talk long."

"Take your time."

After I made introductions with the officer in charge, I began discussing the plight of the local law enforcement with my fellow Mounties. Even though Gjoa Haven wasn't all that large, it seemed to have more than its share of crime.

"Our biggest trouble these days is with bootleggers," a young constable told me. "The Hamlet continues to vote for a liquor-free community, and yet many of its citizens refuse to comply with the regulation."

I felt guilty for taking time off from my duties when there was such an obvious need for extra help in this area. I remembered what Ray had said about not wanting to live above the tree line. I wondered if there were any chance of changing his mind.

"Is it coming in by air?" I asked.

"Most of the time, that's the only way anything comes in," the constable replied. "There are checks, of course, but they don't catch everything."

"Perhaps you could train a dog to alert you to incoming alcohol," I suggested. "Dogs can detect by smell when other senses are fooled."

"That's an idea worth looking into," the superior officer said. "Unfortunately, we can't spare someone to stay at the airport. We might be able to enlist the help of a security guard, though, in an unofficial capacity."

We talked a little more, until Ray came out of the office. "My folks say hi," he reported. "They're doing fine. I told them we're fine, too."

I smiled. "I'm glad to hear it." To the ranking Mountie I said, "I'll be coming back here before we leave the island, and might need to make another call or two before then. Is it all right if I let you tally the cost of our calls and pay you when we're ready to depart?"

He agreed and I thanked him. Then I entered the office to make my own call.

This time, Ray Vecchio himself answered. "You're a man of your word," he said. "Three days. How was your trip?"

"It went fine," I said. "I can give you the number here now, if you'd like."

"Sure, and I'll give you my new cell number. Oh, and I'm getting an apartment, just temporarily. I missed my family a lot, but my god, I forgot how... _loud_ they are. Anyway, I haven't picked a place yet, but I'll let you know when I do, or Ma can give you the address."

We exchanged the pertinent information.

"I often wondered why you didn't get an apartment," I said.

"Well... I guess it's 'cause I'm the head of the family. The house is in my name, and I felt like it was my responsibility to stay there and... you know, make sure everyone was all right and safe and... not killing each other."

I smiled. "And now?"

"Maria really stepped up while I was gone. She and Frannie and even Tony did a pretty good job keeping the household together. Other than that fire." He cleared his throat. "Of course, Ma doesn't want me to move out. She's pretty vocally against it, actually."

"Well, it must be hard for her to let you go, having missed you for over a year."

"I know. It sucked not being able to even call her. And you too, by the way."

"When the French miss someone, they say, _tu me manques._ It essentially means, to me, you are missing."

There was a short pause, at the end of which I knew Ray Kowalski would have called me a freak. Ray Vecchio said, "I like that."

"Mm."

"How do you say it again?"

I repeated the phrase and he tried saying it.

"Thanks. I'm gonna remember that."

I recalled his saying it was a good idea to learn to say at least one thing in every language, for the sake of impressing women. I smiled. _"Tu me manques beaucoup,_ sometimes."

He laughed. "Yeah... Hey, um... is Kowalski with you?"

"Not at the moment."

"Okay. Well, Stella's kind of hinted that she's a little worried about him. I don't want you to tell him that. It's just—I think she thinks he's gone off on this crazy trip just because of us and he's gonna get himself killed or something. So, can I tell her he's okay?"

"We talked about making this trip before we knew the two of you had become familiar; you can certainly assure her that it wasn't the reason. And he has been doing well. Steadily better, I'd say."

"Good, good. Thanks."

"Not at all."

"Well, you're probably racking up a bill, so I'll let you go. Stay warm, Benny, okay?"

"We will. I'll try to call again within a week."

"Okay. Be careful."

"Goodbye, Ray."

"Bye."

I did miss him. It was a little easier than when he was in Las Vegas: we could communicate if we needed to, and I knew he was safe, among family and friends. Still, to me, he was missing.

"You okay?" Ray asked me when we left the station together.

"Yes."

"Everything all right back home? I mean... in Chicago?"

It actually hadn't felt strange to me when he referred to Chicago as if it were my home, not just his. I still preferred to be in Canada, but it takes more than terrain to make a home. "Everything's fine," I said, giving him a reassuring smile.

"You miss him."

I nodded. I went to the sled and started arranging things so Ray could sit comfortably.

"You wanna go back?"

I looked up at him, a little surprised.

"I just... I don't wanna..."

"We can't leave without making a proper try."

"Yeah, but Franklin's been dead like a hundred years. He's gonna stay dead."

I knew the suggestion of going back was coming from concern, and possibly guilt. But if we went back now, it would make things only more awkward. Ray Vecchio would find it difficult to move ahead with his plans while trying to catch up with me, and Ray Kowalski would struggle to find where he fit in. "A hundred and fifty," I corrected. "I don't want to go back yet."

I stood waiting to pack the coverings around Ray on the sled, and he finally climbed on.

"Okay, but... if we don't have any luck, how long do we try before we give up?"

Giving up was not something with which I had much experience. "It's your adventure," I said. "I'll search with you as long as you want to keep searching."

He sighed.

I took up my place behind him. "Ready?"

"Yeah."

I disengaged the break and called to the dogs. Once the others were moving, Dief sprang ahead.

* * *

I took us to the one hotel in town. There were very few rooms available, since the tourism season was coming on—but, to be fair, there weren't that many rooms to begin with. We were allowed to take the dogs inside with us on the condition that we had no complaints from other guests.

"Ya hear that?" Ray admonished the dogs he was leading toward the stairs. "You gotta behave or you go out in the cold. How cold is it out there, Fraser?"

I didn't like to tell him, but I wasn't about to lie. "Oh, ten or fifteen below, I imagine," I said, trying to sound unconcerned.

"Below freezing?"

"Below zero."

"Ugh! Cold enough for your spit to freeze before it hits the ground?"

"No."

"Wait, we talking Fahrenheit or Celsius?"

"Centigrade."

"What's that?"

"It's what some people mistakenly call 'Celsius'."

He gave me a disapproving look. "How cold's it get at night?"

"At this time of year, probably about ten degrees colder."

"Geez. That's why my face keeps trying to turn into a solid mask."

I unlocked our room and we poured into it, the dogs fanning out to sniff their new surroundings. It was sparsely but adequately furnished, with a private bathroom.

"Wish it had a fireplace," Ray said, going to adjust the heater.

"No trees; no wood," I reminded him. "Nearly everything on this island is imported."

"That's insane. How did they build the town?"

"A little at a time. You noticed the many shipping pods around?"

"Yeah. It looked like people turned a lot of them into houses and stuff."

"Indeed. To have large amounts of cargo brought here, one must purchase shipping containers. Afterward, the container itself becomes building material."

"Insane."

"Efficient."

"I'm not saying they're insane to use them; I'm saying the situation is insane."

I set my pack on the double bed. "Do you want to shower first? It may be our last chance for a while."

"Yeah. Remind me to shave in the morning."

"If your face has been getting cold, you may want to let your beard grow."

"Mm..." He frowned. "I dunno. I don't like how I look with a beard."

"You're not going to have much occasion to look at yourself out there."

"Heh. Well, that's true." He ran a hand over the stubble that had emerged since we left the outpost. "I just don't wanna end up like Grizzly Adams..."

I shook my head. "I don't think you're in any danger of that."

* * *

When we had both showered, we had dinner at one of the few eating establishments in the hamlet. Then we took the dogs outside to feed and walk them, and returned to the hotel. The sun was just setting, but I knew it would rise before we were ready to get up. I made sure the curtains were closed over the one small window.

"I'm glad we've got the dogs in here," Ray said. "They're probably putting out as much heat as that thing is." He nodded at the heater.

"Actually, their double coats keep most of the heat to themselves, but I'm sure having them inside helps a little."

He put his arms around Dief. "Share the heat, wolf."

"What did I say about coddling?"

He sighed and let go. "Fine." He came over to me and put his arms around me. "You share your heat."

"Certainly." I wrapped him in my arms. "Ready for bed?"

"Yup."

We broke our embrace long enough to put out the light and get into bed before resuming it. Ray nestled into my shoulder and put his hand on my chest, moving his fingers in and out slowly. I put my hand over his.

"Is this okay?" Ray asked quietly.

"Mhm." I liked the sensation. It also reminded me of something. A poem, but I couldn't remember the author. I had originally memorized it because the first half reminded me of Victoria, but now I realized the rest of it didn't fit her at all.

"Okay." He gave what sounded like a contented sigh. "Hey, you need to finish your Jack And the Beanstalk story."

"Are you sure it's not too dull?" I teased. "Last time, it put you to sleep."

"It was supposed to," he said, dropping a kiss just above the collar of my long underwear.

I smiled and kissed his forehead in return. "Would you mind if I recited part of a poem for you, first?" I knew the author had a foreign name, and it was at the tip of my tongue.

"Poetry, huh? Getting romantic?"

"Pablo Neruda," I said triumphantly. "He wrote many poems, but one sonnet I committed to memory."

"Okay, what is it?"

"The end of the poem reads, 'I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride..."

He was so still as he listened that I could barely hear his breathing.

"I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of loving," I went on, "But this, in which there is no I or you; So intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand..." I ran my thumb over his fingers. "So intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.'"

He remained quiet, but I knew he hadn't fallen asleep. After a moment, his fingers curled on my chest and tightened around my hand. "Oh, my god," he whispered. "I don't know what to say."

I squeezed his hand and let go of it, putting my arm around him to pull him closer. His lips found mine and he kissed me more deeply than before. I felt the same shiver I had before our journey began, and I had no difficulty now in identifying it as desire.

But it was still too soon. I pulled gently away from him, resting my forehead against his.

"I love you so much," he said.

"And I you, Ray."

He kissed my rough cheek and then settled his head in the crook of my neck. "You can recite poetry at me anytime you want."

"Okay." I stroked his hair, which was softer than usual in the absence of any spiking product. "Still want your fairy tale?"

He chuckled. "Of course!"

"Very well. How much do you remember?"

"Um... his mom said big doesn't mean magic and threw the beans out the window... then I think Jack was climbing...?"

"Yes. The beans grew. Jack climbed, tiring when his house looked the size of a postage stamp, but he was determined to see the world from the vantage point of the clouds. He noticed many giant bean pods along the way and picked several of them, letting them drop to the earth so he could collect them when he returned.

"So, on and on he climbed..."

"For six miles!"

"Don't be absurd."

"Fraser, it's a fairy tale. Magic beans. The whole thing is absurd."

I couldn't argue with that, but I was still annoyed. "I can still give it a sense of realism if I choose," I declared. "We'll say he climbed for about two miles. The last few hundred feet, he was surrounded by dense clouds, and when he reached the top, he was surprised to find a layer of dirt above him, seeming to float on the clouds themselves. The beanstalks had pushed through this dirt, and Jack had to widen the hole a bit to get through. Spread around him, he saw many chunks of land, separated by streams of cloud and traversed by enormous, sturdy-looking bridges."

"Traversed?"

"Made navigable."

"Mm." He was getting sleepy.

"In the distance, Jack could see a castle. It was the only building around, so he decided to start toward it."

"Were there any birds up there?" Ray slurred sleepily.

"Only one. A snowy owl."

He chuckled lowly, murmuring "A snowy owl..."

"But it was asleep on a post at the end of one of the bridges. Jack paid it no attention.

"Anyway, he noticed that the bridges were wide enough for two sizeable carts to pass side-by-side. He thought the castle must shelter a great city. But as he got closer to it, he realized it was further away than he had first thought. He had thought it was closer because he had failed to grasp its size." I began describing the colossal expanse of the castle and all its features, and by the time I finished, Ray was asleep again. It seemed that Jack was doomed to make his journey in very short segments.

* * *

We rose about eight the next morning, which was late for me, but I didn't want to wake Ray while he had the chance to rest so peacefully, and I was unwilling to leave his side. I decided not to shave either, so he could feel less self-conscious for having a comrade in his unkempt state. We fed the dogs before having our own breakfast and then picked up a few things from the trading post.

Among other things, I acquired a soapstone lamp, a bag of dried moss and chunks of seal blubber which looked much like the tallow we'd been feeding the dogs.

"I hope this isn't your idea of grocery shopping," Ray said, looking suspiciously at my purchases.

"No; this is how we'll keep warm at night," I told him.

"Moss, grease and a glorified cereal bowl?"

I shook my head. "You'll thank me later." I thanked the Inuit man who sold me the goods, using his own language. I wondered if Ray Vecchio would like to learn a phrase in Inuktitut.

I also got us a small tent that would hold some heat, since the lean-to would not. Traveling northward, we could expect no warmer temperatures for some time.

"We're fortunate that there's been no recent snowfall," I told Ray as we left the town behind us. "The dogs will have an easy time on the packed crust."

"Great. So, where are we going to start?"

"At the Northwest side of the island, where John Franklin's ships landed."

"What happened to the ships?"

"They drifted away. It's my opinion that if explorers would merely listen to the Inuit's oral history and study the arctic current, they would find the ships in nothing flat..."

"Should we find the ships, then?"

"No. Leave that for others. We want to find the man himself, don't we?"

"Sure. I guess I'm thinking a ship is a bigger needle in the haystack... easier to find."

"But the haystack of the sea is much larger than the haystack of this island."

"True. Let's keep going."

* * *

We made a good start across the island that day. Ray was amazed at the great herds of caribou we saw.

"What do they live on?" he asked, looking around at the white landscape.

"There are tough grasses under the snow. For now, they'll dig for them, but in a month or two, new vegetation will spring up."

"Out here?"

"It's hard to believe, I know, but when summer arrives, it takes hold fast. This will be some of the best grazing land for a thousand miles. Then, when winter comes again, the caribou will cross back to the mainland on the ice."

"I guess Santa picked the right critters to pull his sleigh."

I laughed. "He did at that, though enchanting them to fly undoubtedly helped."

When we set up camp that night, Gjoa Haven was a small blur to our southeast. Once the tent was securely in place, I took the oil lamp inside and twisted some moss into a thick wick which I laid along one side of the bowl, making sure bits of it dipped into the basin. Then I carefully used a lighter to melt some seal blubber. Once there was a little pool in the basin, I tilted it to wet the wick and finally lit the lamp.

"So, it works like a candle," Ray said, watching the bright flames spring up.

"Essentially, yes." I put the remaining chunk of blubber in the basin to melt in the heat of the burning oil. "But it burns more fuel at a time, so it gives off more heat."

Dief made a growl-ish whining sound by the door of the tent.

I looked around. There was very little space to spare.

"Aw, let him in," Ray said. "He just wants to be with you."

I suspected Dief merely wished to stretch out in comfort, without having to curl up in a hollow of snow, but I relented and opened the flap for him.

"If we want something warmer and more permanent to sleep in further north, we can build an igloo," I said. "I have a saw for cutting snow blocks, and a machete for shaping them."

"Of course, you do," Ray said, smirking.

"Or, if we're in a hurry, we can do what mother polar bears do."

"What's that?"

"They dig a den."

"Is that more or less work?"

"Less, if the dogs help." I looked pointedly at Dief, who sighed. "We would have to find the right location, though. The snow has to be deep enough. We wouldn't want to dig all the way down to the earth. Snow is a good insulator, but dirt isn't."

"That's weird. Snow is frozen."

"Yes, but packed snow contains air pockets. Think of it like Styrofoam. If you have a wall of it, it traps the heat inside. Dirt, on the other hand, absorbs heat and doesn't give it back unless it becomes warmer than the air around it."

"You're making me sleepy again. Let's go to bed."

We slept apart that night, with Dief and the seal oil lamp between us. We stayed warm enough, but I missed him. I missed feeling his breath on my skin, his heartbeat close to mine. I had become accustomed to his closeness.

* * *

 _I may have used that poem in another story... I can't remember. It's been too long lol. It's a great one. Anyway, hope you enjoyed this segment._


	5. Digging

_This chapter contains a lot of digging. For one reason and another. xp A little bit of fluff, too, not all of it Dief's fur. lol  
_

* * *

Five: Digging

The oil was low in the lamp when I woke. I sliced off a slab of seal blubber to add to the basin, rolled up my bedding and set about making coffee. Ray was still asleep when it was ready, so I carefully crawled around the breakfast area. I had to put my hands and feet on either side of his bed and climb over him to reach his head. I put a knee down and peeled back the edge of his sleeping bag.

Ray stirred a little as the cooler air touched his face.

"Ray," I said softly. When he didn't respond, I brushed my fingers over his cheek and the short growth of stubble. "Ray," I said again.

His eyes fluttered open and he stared at me.

"Coffee's ready," I said, smiling.

He stared at me a moment more before lifting his head and observing my awkward position. "What the hell are you doing?" he asked in a tone of pure curiosity.

"I had to avoid getting burned or stepping on you..."

He smirked. "I see. Well, I can't get up with you all crouched over me like London Bridge or something."

"Right." I moved back even more slowly than I had come, placing my hands and feet with care until he had room to sit up. I prepared to move back to my side of the tent, but Ray took hold of my arm.

"Wait." He gathered his legs under him and pulled a blanket around his shoulders, saying, "Stay here with me."

"I laid everything out from the other side."

"Then... I'll go over there with you."

I was a little surprised at his determination to maintain proximity, but it wasn't unwelcome. "All right. Just be careful not to knock anything over."

We managed to get around to my sleeping area without disaster, and I immediately poured a cup of coffee for him, to which he added two packets of sugar.

"This hits the spot," he said cheerfully, leaning against my shoulder.

"Mhm," I said, resting my head against his, not sure if I was talking about the coffee or his closeness.

"Another long day of mushing?"

"Most likely."

"Okay. Let me do some of the driving... my ass was starting to go to sleep last time."

"All right."

We ate our simple breakfast and afterward rinsed the dishes with fresh snow. I put out the lamp and let it cool while we took down the tent and packed up the sled. Then, after feeding the dogs, we started off again.

Once I was sure the dogs would stay on course, I left the driving to Ray, as he had requested. We stopped for lunch, but didn't make camp. We could see the coast on the horizon, and I wanted to be close to Franklin Point by suppertime. We got there, and had several hours of daylight left.

"Well," I said, stretching my stiff limbs, "shall we make a more permanent structure than the tent, since we'll likely be in this area for some time?"

"I guess so," Ray said, sounding a little reluctant.

"Let's see if there are any good snow drifts conducive to den-digging. If we can't find one deep enough, I can at least dig a hollow to build our igloo roof over. That will save us a little building time."

"Lead the way."

We scouted around a bit, testing the depth of the snow here and there. It was Dief who found a good location first, digging the start of a small tunnel and barking to alert us.

I examined the snowdrift while Ray awaited my verdict. "Well done," I told Dief. "Dig away."

"Found a good snowbank, huh?" Ray said.

"I think it will do. There seems to be a rise in the earth and powder snow has been repeatedly deposited against it on the windward side. You see how there's a pronounced dip on the leeward side. The sun has slightly melted it during the warmer days, and it has refrozen into a fairly solid mass."

He looked. "I see. You gonna have to build a roof?"

"We'll have to wait and see whether the bank holds its shape."

Dief dug steadily, tail wagging from time to time with excitement. After several minutes, I pulled him away, not wanting him to overtire himself. I brought one of the other dogs over, and he took over the digging. When one dog digs at a spot, other dogs are usually curious to continue, wondering what the first dog was after.

"They're like a chain gang," Ray laughed, bringing a third dog to me and taking hold of the previous one to take it back to the sled.

"A bit," I said. "Though they're not paying a debt to society, and they're possibly more efficient and cooperative."

"A lot happier," he agreed. "Hey, do they all have names?"

"I'm sure they do, though I forgot to get them all from Buck before we left. This one is Serge. I think the last one was... I forget. Hawk, I think."

"Can we call one Cool Hand Luke?"

"Oh, Ray."

"Come on."

"That's a very sad movie."

"But he's a cool guy. Can I?"

"I suppose, if you want to."

"Yes." It seemed to make him happy.

When the tunnel was big enough, I began widening out a hollow with the short-handled spade I'd gotten in town.

"So far, so good," I reported. "The ceiling seems strong enough to hold together, but we're almost down to the turf, so there won't be room to do much more than sit up straight."

"That's good enough," Ray said. "I'm not too claustrophobic. Just... let me sleep on the door side."

"That will be colder."

"I don't care."

Perhaps he was a bit claustrophobic after all.

"As you wish."

* * *

When it was properly hollowed out, the snowdrift afforded room enough for Ray and me to make up our beds with the seal oil lamp placed between them. I had carefully pushed through the roof to make a small chimney so the warmth from the lamp and our bodies would have a means of escape before it began to melt the roof of our shelter.

Diefenbaker complained until I allowed him to slither inside with us.

"You'll have to be careful not to bump into the lamp," I told him sternly.

He grumbled at me and curled up at the foot of Ray's bedroll.

"This is pretty cozy," Ray said, turning onto his side to face me.

"And we don't have to disassemble it before we go out to explore tomorrow."

"Good. Where will we start?"

"I'd like to find our best guess about Franklin's landing point and recreate his journey. The terrain and weather are bound to have changed somewhat in a century and a half, but it may still give us a lead."

"Works for me." He pulled off a glove and reached toward me, lifting up the edge of my covers.

I brought my hand up to meet his and held it under the blankets.

"Never thought I'd be sleeping in a snow cave," he said. "It's pretty damn cool."

I smiled. "I can't say it's my first time, though it has been a while."

"Will you tell more of the story? Jack was going to the castle..."

"You fell asleep while I was describing it."

"Well, forget all that and get him inside it." Ray was not one for long descriptions.

"Very well. I would tell you all about the perils of crossing the enormous moat, but instead I'll just say, Jack got inside the castle."

"Good."

"Rather than the huge city he supposed it protected, Jack found that it was an ordinary castle with ordinary things in it, but of a gigantic size..."

"I get it. He figured out it was a giant's castle."

"You really are in a hurry, aren't you?"

"If I let you tell it your way, we'll be back in the states before you finish it."

I sighed. "Fine. Jack had some apprehension about meeting a giant, but he decided to explore further. He went from one area to another, but I won't bore you with what he found. Inside the living quarters, he finally came to a room of great interest to him. When he knelt on the floor and bent down, he could see under the door, and the room was filled with treasures."

"Now you're talking."

"Hush. There were bags of gold large and small, jeweled weapons of all sizes, musical instruments and fine clothing. However, Jack could not fit under the door himself, so he began looking around for some way to cut a hole in the bottom of it, or to climb up to the latch."

I went on to describe the thunderous footsteps of the giant frightening Jack into hiding, his spying on the giant when he removed a sack of gold from the treasure trove to count at his table, and had just gotten Jack up onto the table after the giant fell asleep, when I detected that Ray, too, had fallen asleep.

I brought his fingers to my lips before tucking his hand back under his own covers. "Good night, Ray," I said, pulling my blanket up to my chin.

* * *

I woke to the sound of digging. Trying to make sense of it, I sat up enough to prop my elbows under me. Dief was scratching at the back wall of our cave, and he had exposed a good bit of rock there.

"Dief," I said quietly, knowing that volume made no difference to him. When he didn't react, I sat up the rest of the way and reached for the scruff of his neck. "Stop," I said in his face.

Dief made a sound of protestation.

"You're allowing the rock to sap our heat," I scolded him.

"What's going on?" asked Ray's sleepy voice.

"Diefenbaker is destroying our insulation," I said reproachfully. "Not to mention covering the foot of my bed with loose snow."

Dief grumbled at me again.

"How come he's doing that?" Ray asked, sitting up.

"Damned if I know."

I put another chunk of blubber in the lamp and fitted it with a new wick. In the stronger glow, I examined Dief's destructive work. The rocks he had uncovered were fairly small—from baseball- to curling stone-sized at most. "Hm."

"Hm, what?"

"This is an unusual jumble of rocks."

"As opposed to a normal jumble of rocks?"

"We're not exactly on the shore... what I took for a rise in the land might actually just be a pile of rocks."

"Like that... that inuksuk thing?"

"More like a cairn."

"A cairn? Like... the terrier?"

"The terrier takes its name from the piles of stones."

"Oh. Who knew?"

"The Scottish. But in any case, like the inuksuk, cairns are used as landmarks and markers for buried objects... as well as to protect graves."

Ray inched toward the cave entrance. "Graves? Are you telling me someone might be buried under there?"

"There's only one way to find out."

His eyes widened. "Oh, no. No, no, no, no. We're not just gonna make a door from our cozy little nest here into somebody's nasty, rotten grave..."

I had expected some repulsion if and when we discovered the grave of Franklin, but this was a bit worse than I had hoped. "Oh, Ray... First of all, if there is a corpse under all this, the cold will have preserved it from rotting. Second of all, if this is what we're looking for, we won't need the den much longer."

"I'd still rather go at it from the other side," he said stubbornly.

I sighed. "All right. It will be easier from the other side. But you realize once we move all the stones away, there will be a gaping hole back here, anyway." I took hold of Dief's muzzle. "Outside," I told him.

Dief scampered out of the den. At least there was less snow on the other side of the mound.

* * *

After unpacking a camera and taking some pictures, I spent all morning digging away snow and then carefully removing stones. I placed the top layer of stones in a pile several paces from the cairn. Then I made another pile next to it, lining up my piles in rows. Ray helped me under strict direction. I wanted to be able to reconstruct the cairn as close to its original form as possible.

"There's no way this can be Franklin, you know," Ray said as we passed each other, him with stones and me going back for more.

"Why not?" I asked as I chose a few more stones to move.

"Well, for one thing, he didn't die on the ship, right? He died on the island."

"So far as we know, but the evidence left behind was unclear."

"Okay, but it's doubtful that he died on the ship. So, did he croak as soon as he stepped off it? Why would they bury him so close to the coast?"

"I don't know, Ray."

"And another thing. Why, of all the snowdrifts on the island, would we _coincidentally_ choose this one?"

"Perhaps Dief scented the cairn. He is the one who found the drift."

"I'll buy that much, but still... with all the acreage we had to cover, what are the chances?"

"Pretty good, if Providence is on your side."

"Providence? You mean God?"

"Mhm."

He shook his head. "I dunno about that."

"You don't believe in God?"

"Uh..." He set down the rocks he was carrying and paused, catching his breath. "I don't know. I used to."

"You stopped?"

He shrugged. "It happens, Fraser. People stop believing. They see stuff that changes them. They grow up..." He glanced at me, and perhaps realizing he might have offended me, he quickly added, "They lose their faith. It happens."

We worked in silence again, until I declared that we should stop for lunch.

"When we get back to it," I said, "I think we should take turns: one of us kneeling and handing stones to the other. It won't move as quickly that way, but it will save our backs from some of the bending. The pile has gotten quite low."

"Yeah, we're almost to the ground, I guess. What if it turns out that there's nothing buried there and it's just a landmark?"

"Then we've eliminated one possibility, and we'll try something else tomorrow."

"Are you always so optimistic?"

"There's no sense in letting a setback keep you from trying again."

"I guess."

We followed my new plan when we went back to work, and in a couple of hours, we had reached the frozen ground.

"Can the dogs help with the digging again?" Ray asked.

I shook my head. "This is going to be a lot harder than digging in snow. The frozen gravel would tear up their paws. I'm only glad I decided to buy a pickaxe."

"You bought a freakin' pickaxe?"

"Yes, Ray."

"'Cause of course, if we found the grave, you'd want to dig it up."

"Well, it's the only way to know what we've found. Surely you knew that."

"I guess I thought... we'd find a plaque or something that would say he was buried there."

"If there was any conventional sort of grave marker, it wouldn't be surprising to learn it had been destroyed by now."

"Yeah... after a hundred and fifty years, I guess so. Well... guess we may as well start."

We took turns again, chipping our way into the unforgiving earth. Our snow cave was open at the back now. I promised to build up a back wall for it before nightfall.

"How deep do we go before we decide nothing's here?" Ray asked while I was taking a turn at digging.

"Oh... we need to go... at least two or three feet," I said between swings. In that particular spot, I thought I was at least two feet down already. "Maybe four to be sure."

Then I heard it: the pickaxe landed with with the usual dull scuffing sound of gravel, but underneath it was another sound. It was a sound like something heavy biting into wood. _Wood._ Excitedly, I aimed my next blow close to the last. There was now a small hole revealing a dull, black surface.

"Ray... I think..."

Ray was at my side at a moment. "What is that?"

"It looks like a box... perhaps a coffin."

"Oh, my god... are you serious?"

"Never more so."

In another thirty minutes or so, we had cleared half of the lid of what was indeed a coffin. We revealed a nameplate which I carefully cleaned and found still legible. I read the inscription aloud. "ADMIRAL JOHN FRANKLIN. As thou art now, so once was I; Remember man that thou must die."

Ray stared at it and swore in disbelief, said the inscription was "kinda morbid" and swore some more. "This is insane, Fraser. People have been searching for this guy for a century and a half, and we found him... in what, like a week?"

I stood up and put my arm around him. "Still don't believe in God?"

"Well... let's say I might consider darkening the door of a church when we get back. Maybe. If you'll go with me."

I took some pictures of the coffin before we finished digging it out.

"How come we're completely uncovering it?" Ray asked. "We found it... why disturb it any more?"

"We're going to open it."

"Gah! We are not!"

"Well, of course we are. We can be ninety-percent sure we've found John Franklin's final resting place, but that last ten percent says that perhaps the coffin was prepared for him, but someone or something else was concealed here. We need photographic evidence of the contents of the casket, or there will still be some doubt."

"But we know we found it," he protested. "I don't care about the doubters and the naysayers. Fraser. Fraser!"

I stopped working and looked up at him. "Yes?"

"Haven't we disturbed the guy enough?"

"You don't have to stay here when I open it," I said, knowing how sensitive he was about corpses.

He sighed. "No... if you're gonna, then I want to be here with you when you do."

"All right." I straightened to take him in my arms for a moment. "I know it's a lot to take in, but I want to get this done quickly. If we do, we should have enough daylight left after supper to rebury him and put most of the stones back."

"Okay," he said, holding tightly to me. He pressed his lips to my temple and whispered, "I love you."

"I love you, Ray."

"Is that hard to say?"

I smiled. "Not anymore."

"It's getting easier for me, too," he said.

We did not attempt to take the coffin from the grave, but when we removed the lid, we found a solid mass inside.

"Oh, great. He's a block of ice! Now, what?"

I thought over our options. "I should have expected this," I murmured. I knew the graves discovered on nearby Beechey Island had been in the same state. "First, let's build a back wall to keep our den insulated. Then I'll get the lamp burning while you gather a pot full of fresh snow."

He had stopped questioning me by this time, and we built up our snow wall as quickly as we could. It was dinnertime when we finished, but I didn't feel hungry through my excitement. I encouraged Ray to eat while we waited for the pot of snow to melt.

Ray eyed the pot as the snow turned to slush and then disappeared into the water. "You're gonna... pour that on the ice, huh?"

I nodded.

"It's gonna take more than one."

"Undoubtedly."

"Guess I should melt some more while you're doing that."

"I do have another pan, though it won't hold as much."

"Okay."

He seemed put off by the whole endeavor at this point, but still willing to help.

* * *

Hours later, I finally had enough of the ice melted to confirm our findings. I told Ray to come out of the den, and I led him around to the back of it, holding his gloved hand in mine.

"It's a grim sight," I warned him. "His eyes are open, and he's very thin and pale."

Ray gritted his teeth. "Okay."

The sled dogs watched us curiously while Ray, Dief and I stood at the edge of the grave.

"Is that him?" Ray asked.

I nodded. "That's him. I took some photographs and..." I decided I should spare him the details. "And some other evidence to send to the Historical Society for confirmation, but I'm sure."

We stood in silence perhaps a full minute before Ray spoke again. "He's not reaching."

"He doesn't need to reach anymore. We found him."

Ray leaned his head on my shoulder. "I guess he doesn't know..."

"Well... I think the dead are aware of this world," I said delicately, thinking of my father's ghost.

"Maybe." He bit his lip. "Franklin... you can rest in peace now. You never found your Northwest Passage, but other people did."

"And we did," I added, remembering the song about making our own Passage to the sea.

"He's kind of the lucky one, isn't he?" Ray asked more quietly. "I mean, he probably died thinking the others would make it."

"So, you do believe in optimism."

He laughed. "I guess in some cases."

We spent the next few hours carefully recovering the grave, but the sun began to set before we had replaced all of the stones, so we left off for the night. Ray said he doubted he would sleep, given what he'd seen that day. I asked if continuing my story would help, but he said he doubted he could concentrate enough to pay attention.

So, I simply held his hand as I had the night before, stroking his palm and playing with his fingers. For once, I was the first to sleep, exhausted from the day's work.

* * *

In the morning, we finished the reburial. Feeling I should say something to pay respect to the dead explorer, I recited, "Gone before us, O our brother, To the spirit land! Vainly look we for another, In thy place to stand."

We stood silent for a moment before Ray asked, "Is that poem about the Northwest Passage?"

"No. It's an epitaph by John Greenleaf Whittier, and I believe it was written after Franklin's death. I merely thought it appropriate."

"Well, what's this other land they were searching for?"

I was momentarily confused. "Wha—oh! No, they weren't vainly looking for another land; they were vainly looking for another man to take his place."

"Oh, I get it." After another short silence, he asked, "So, do we head back now?"

"Not yet. I need to check our coordinates. It wouldn't do to lose the grave again the next time it snows. Then we can eat lunch and be on our way."

"Think we'll be in town by tomorrow night?"

"I think so. Are you in a hurry?"

"Well... it's been really cool and everything, but I'm kind of... done with all this. We found him, and it's great. Now I'd like to be warm again."

"Understood."

* * *

 _Whew. That was a long one, and completely out in the wilderness. Time to get them home._


	6. Doubts

_Here we go, back to civilization...  
_

* * *

Six: Doubts

"How did Jack get up on the giant's table again?" Ray asked me when we were settling down to sleep that night.

"He made a grappling hook from giant safety pins and attached it to a giant bootlace," I reviewed.

"I kinda remember that. I think I was almost asleep at that point."

"Well, he hooked it to a rung at the back of a chair and then around a candlestick on the table."

"Nice." Ray moved close enough to put his head against my shoulder, careful not to disturb the seal oil lamp.

"First, he ate some of the giant's leftover dinner, since he hadn't eaten anything that day, and then he took up one of the giant gold coins and tucked it into his shirt."

"How big was it?"

"Oh... about as big as his face."

Ray whistled. "Must have been heavy."

"Oh, it was. But it was very thin, and probably not solid gold. In any case, when he was on his way back to the castle entrance, Jack heard a voice calling, 'Help me!'"

"Uh-oh."

"Turning aside, Jack passed through a door that was open just enough for him to get through. Inside this room were a lot of odds and ends he had thought too boring to investigate when he first came that way. However, now he realized that one of the objects in the room was a birdcage. Rather than a bird, it housed a young man his own size."

"I don't remember this part," Ray mumbled.

"'Please, help me,' the young man said. 'I tried to take treasure from the giant, and he locked me up here. He keeps saying he's going to eat me when he's fattened me up.' Jack took pity on the young man, and was trying to decide how to go about picking the lock on the cage when he heard the giant stirring back in the kitchen. 'He's waking up,' Jack said. He again heard the thunderous footsteps. 'I must go,' he said. 'But I swear on my honor as an Adventurer For Hire that I will return to free you. Stay strong and do your best to stay thin!'"

When Ray didn't laugh at that line, I knew he was out.

* * *

As Ray had hoped, we made it back to Gjoa Haven the following night. The hotel room we had stayed in before was available again, and I booked us in. I wanted to call Chicago, but I knew it was an hour later there, and probably not a courteous hour for calling. It would have to wait until morning.

"I feel so much better," Ray said, coming out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. "Can you wash our clothes here? I'm on my last set of clean stuff."

"I'll see if they have a washer and dryer in the morning," I said. I started for the bathroom to take my own shower, pausing to kiss Ray's freshly shaven cheek.

Ray turned toward me and kissed my lips. "Don't take too long," he said, smiling, but also looking a little shy.

"I won't."

I was thorough, but efficient, and was soon through with my shower. I thought about waiting until morning to shave, but glimpsing myself in the mirror, I thought I looked too much as my father had during his depression after my mother's death. It had to go.

Ray was sitting up in bed waiting for me when I came out. He was in an undershirt. "You said you wouldn't take too long," he complained.

"I know... I decided to shave, too. Will you pardon me?"

He smiled. "Well, okay. If you come to bed right away. Dief keeps trying to get up here."

I went to switch out the light.

"Hey, Fraser... have you ever spooned?"

"Spooned?" I'd heard the term before, but had never been completely certain of its meaning. I gathered it involved a certain level of intimacy, but what level, I wasn't sure.

"Yeah... you know... cuddled front-to-back. Like spoons in a drawer."

"Ah. Well..." I thought it over. Victoria came to mind. Lying on my bed in my Chicago apartment with her in my arms... "Yes, I suppose I have." I went to the bed, carefully picking my way through the dogs curled up on the floor.

"Do you... want to try it again?"

"Now?" I slipped under the covers.

"Mhm."

Kissing Ray hadn't dredged up too many unpleasant memories, so I supposed that holding him in that way probably wouldn't either. "If you'd like to," I said, moving closer to him and opening my arms.

He leaned back against my chest and pulled my left arm down around his body, holding my hand tightly. With only my union suit and his undershirt and boxers between us, this felt very intimate indeed.

I laid a kiss behind his ear. "Are you comfortable?"

"Mhm."

"Do you want to go right to sleep?"

"Mm... I wanna know who that guy in the bird cage is."

I smiled. "I made him up. You won't find him in any other version of the story."

"Thought so."

I pressed my hand against his chest, pulling him a little closer still. I summed up the last part of the story I'd told the night before, this time getting a laugh for the line about staying thin.

"What's his name?" Ray asked.

I cleared my throat. "Jack was about to turn away when he stopped and asked, 'What's your name?'"

Ray chuckled.

"'It's Victor,' the other young man said. 'Well, Victor,' said Jack, 'keeping thin is the key to living up to your name until I return. I'll keep my promise.' With that, he turned and fled the room. He just made it to the drawbridge before the Giant looked into the room where he was keeping Victor. 'Soon, my little Englishman,' he said, 'I'll grind your bones to make my bread!'"

"He's English? You didn't do an accent."

"'I'm not English,' Victor retorted. 'I'm Italian!'"

Ray laughed again. "Nice."

"Jack, of course, didn't hear this exchange. He was running as fast as his legs could carry him and the giant gold coin, back to the beanstalk that would take him home. And I think I'll leave off there, before you fall asleep this time."

"Okay." Ray pulled my hand up to kiss it. "I love you."

"I love you, too," I said before kissing the back of his neck.

He shivered and I pulled the blankets up over our shoulders.

"Good night," I said.

"Good night, Fraser."

I'm not sure which of us fell asleep first that time. My hand on his chest was his hand, and when he slept, it was my eyes that closed.

* * *

I sensed that he was awake when I stretched the next morning and found that my right arm had fallen asleep. It felt dead just below the shoulder.

"Good morning, Ray," I said in a strained voice.

He shifted in my embrace, looking back at me in the pale light that filtered through the curtains. "Morning... are you okay?"

"My arm is asleep."

"Oh... sorry." He helped me get my arm out from under him and began rubbing it for me as we sat up. "Wow, your hand's really cold." He pressed my hand to his throat and continued to run his hands over my arm.

Slowly, the feeling began to return and I grunted in pain.

"Sorry," he said again, looking sympathetic.

"It's all right," I told him. I forced a smile. "It was worth it."

He returned my smile for a moment, but then looked worried.

"What's the matter?"

"I'm just wondering... if it'll always be worth it."

Obviously, he wasn't talking about limbs falling asleep. I put my hand on his shoulder. "What do you mean?"

"I mean..." He licked his lips. "There are lots of reasons couples split up. The most common one is money. The second is sex problems. After that, it's a variety of things that fall under 'different goals.' A big one of those is religion. At Franklin's grave, you said... you asked if I believed in God. I've been wondering if that's going to be a problem. If you're going to start resenting me for getting you into something you believe is wrong. If it won't be worth it to you anymore."

"I see." The feeling had fully come back in my arm by this time. I pulled Ray closer to me and kissed his face. "Well... thus far, we haven't done anything I think is wrong."

"Really?"

I took a brief moment to review my Anglican upbringing. "Nowhere in scripture is there an order not to love one's fellowman."

"Yeah, but... it says not to do other stuff."

"The Bible actually encourages believers to kiss one another in greeting..."

"But if we keep this up... if we go much further..."

"You did say you'd 'darken the door of a church' with me. Did you mean that?"

He looked uncertain. "Yeah. If you want me to."

"Then, before we take things further, I'll find a minister for us to talk to. We'll settle this so it won't catch us unprepared later on."

He didn't look reassured to me. "Okay," he said.

"Ray, whatever the outcome, I'm not going to abandon you. I won't stop loving you. I want to be with you in whatever capacity I can."

"What if you decide we have to stay platonic and then you meet a girl that seems right for you? Would you give her up to stay with me? That's not fair. It's not right."

I took his face in my hands. "Regardless of the nature of our relationship, no one is going to become more important to me than you are."

"You can't know that." His eyes were clouding.

"Ray. Do you love me?"

"Yes." He swallowed and a tear ran from his eye to my hand.

I brushed it away. "If I can't be your lover—if we can't share physical intimacy—will you resent me for that?"

He hesitated a moment and then said, "No."

"Will you want someone else?"

He closed his eyes and shook his head.

I pulled him against my chest and kissed his forehead. "Then we'll be all right. If I'm enough for you, and you're enough for me, then we don't have to worry."

"You are enough for me," he whispered, nuzzling against my neck. "I'm just... scared. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I want you to tell me everything. Don't keep your fears to yourself, or I can't help you."

"Okay," he said with a quiet sigh. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

Diefenbaker reared up to put his paws on the bed, staring at us.

"All right," I told him. "We're getting up. You can wait a few more minutes for breakfast."

Ray sniffed and pulled away from me with a small smile. "Think this place has any tea?"

"Probably. I'll see about the laundry, and you see what you can find for sustenance."

* * *

After breakfast, I got my film developed and was pleased with most of the photos. I carefully packed the prints and negatives to be sure they wouldn't be damaged. In the meantime, Ray called his parents again, and I checked at the RCMP station to see if I had any messages. I had a request to call divisional headquarters to update them on my recent activity. During that communication, I received some surprising news.

"What's going on?" Ray asked me when I returned to him from making my call.

"It seems that I'm up for a promotion."

He smiled. "About time, isn't it? How long have you been a constable?"

"Yes... apparently, I was up for promotion before, but... Inspector Thatcher..."

"What did she do—give you a bad review?"

"No, she merely... ignored the recommendations and failed to tell me about them."

Ray's mouth fell open. "Seriously?! That's crazy!"

"They said I should be a sergeant by now... the same rank as my father."

"Hey, that's cool."

"And... if and when our discovery is made public, I'm likely to be promoted again."

"Damn... You don't look happy."

"I'm not _unhappy._ I'm just... surprised, I suppose."

"Well, what does that mean as far as where you'll be working?" He looked nervous now.

"In light of my delayed promotion, I think they're willing to give me a lot of say in where I'll be posted."

"Good! Do you know where you want to go?"

"Not for certain. I have some time to think it over. For now, we can concentrate on getting you home to see your parents."

"Sure. Good. 'Cause I think they'll be really glad to get me back in the country. Did you call Ray yet?"

"No. I'm about to."

"Okay. Don't forget to ask him about the bloodstain thing."

I nodded.

When I called the number of Ray Vecchio's new mobile phone, it rang several times. I thought about trying again later, but then he answered.

"Hey, Benny! Didn't get eaten by polar bears, huh?"

"No," I answered. "We didn't even see any, but that's undoubtedly for the best."

"How's the search going?"

I smiled. "We found him."

"Him?"

"John Franklin," I said, lowering my voice slightly so I wouldn't be overheard. "Diefenbaker put us on to the right location, and we found the grave practically by accident..." For the next several minutes, I described the nature of our discovery until my friend had a grasp of its significance and our remarkable good fortune.

"That's amazing," he said when I finished. "You guys did all that by yourselves? I thought you'd be out there with scientists and historians and stuff."

"I'm sure they'll be retracing our steps soon enough. I just have to send a report to the historical society, along with pictures and physical evidence for examination. But speaking of evidence, what did you find out about the outpost?"

"Oh, yeah! Buck Frobisher's all over that. They're having the blood tested. All we know so far is that it's months old at least. We don't know if they'll be able to put a name to it, but you know how long crime labs take down here. I'm guessing it's similar in Canada, if not worse, what with how remote the location is."

"That's true," I said. "Thank you for following up on that for me."

"No problem. So, are you coming back soon?"

"We are planning to return to Chicago so Ray can visit his parents, if nothing else. After that, I'm not sure." I told him about my pending promotion.

"I can't believe the Dragon Lady held out on you, even after you told her you wouldn't go to Toronto with her. Dames."

I cleared my throat, disapproving of the rather disrespectful terminology. "Anyway... will I be seeing you in Chicago?"

"Yeah. We're planning a trip to Florida to look at real estate down there, but we haven't decided anything for sure yet. Do you have a place to stay while you're here? I don't know who's in charge over at the consulate, but they might not let you crash there. I've got a couch in my new place... or floor space if you insist on camping out."

"Thank you," I said, "but I imagine I'll be staying with Ray."

He went quiet for a moment. Then he said, "If you don't wanna see Stella, she doesn't have to come over while you're around."

"It's not that," I said quickly.

"So, what is it? Think Kowalski will feel like you're taking my side if you stay with me?"

"No. And I wish you wouldn't think of it as sides."

"I'm not. At least, I'm not trying to." He sighed. "I wish I could talk to you face to face."

"So do I. We can soon."

"Yeah... not at my place, though?"

"I would love to see your new place, Ray."

"Really?" He sounded skeptical.

"Really. And it's all right if Stella is there. I wouldn't ask you to alter any plans for me."

"But you don't think we should be together."

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. "I think it would be simpler all around if you weren't. But things have changed a bit in the last week."

"Yeah? Kowalski doing better?"

"Considerably. I think things will work out, but... I'll tell you more when we're there."

"Okay. Well, let me know when you get in and we'll go eat or something."

"I'll do that. Thank you, Ray."

"For what?"

"Being there for me. I haven't given you much credit for being a good friend of late."

"Eh, I'm trying. It's easier when you're here, though."

"Understandably. I'll see you soon... in a few days at most."

"Okay, big guy. Take care."

* * *

In our meandering journey back to the US, I was able to submit the report of our discovery, check in to receive my Sergeant's stripes, and arrange for the sled dogs to go back to Sgt. Frobisher. I also got Jack back down the beanstalk to his apologetic mother, who had a new worry because the cloud concealing the giant's home was overshadowing the farm, which was not good for their meager crops. However, the treasure Jack had brought home ensured that the success of the crops was no longer essential to their survival.

Waiting for our last flight to take us back to Chicago, Ray observed, "Those look really cool." He was admiring the new crown and triple V on my sleeve as we waited for our plane to take off. "I don't know if it's my place, but I'm proud of you."

I smiled and took his hand. "I think it's allowable. It's only now sinking in that I'm not a constable anymore."

"Yeah, it's kind of weird. No more 'Constable Benton Fraser.' You'll have to get used to saying Sergeant."

"Sergeant Benton Fraser, Royal Canadian Mounted Police," I said with minute hesitation. I shook my head. "It certainly will take some getting used to. I wish my father could have been there."

"Well... like you said, maybe the dead are aware of what goes on here. He probably knows." He squeezed my hand. "I'm sure he's super proud of you, too."

"Thank you. I wonder if Ray will notice the difference in uniform."

"Maybe. He does pay a lot of attention to clothes."

It was early evening when we touched down in Chicago. Since I wouldn't be able to collect Dief until the next day at least, I suggested that Ray go and see his parents right away.

"Aren't you coming along?" Ray asked.

"I have some things to look into," I said. "I'd like to see your parents as well, but I think I should attend to some business first. Shall we meet back at your apartment?"

"Okay," he said, looking reluctant to part from me. He hailed a cab. "If we go to the apartment now, I can get my car and you can take the cab from there."

I agreed. We didn't talk much on the ride to his apartment building, but I held his hand the whole way.

I asked the driver to wait while I walked with Ray over to his car and waited until he was sure he had his key to it and to his apartment, along with his travel bag. I left my bag with him as well.

"Okay, I've got everything," Ray said.

"You don't mind taking my bag up to your apartment?"

He shook his head. "I got it."

"All right." I reached for him.

"Fraser, the cab driver's watching."

I spared the driver a glance. "I don't mind if you don't."

He smiled slightly. "Uh... okay."

I kissed him softly. "I'll see you tonight."

He came away with a slight blush on his cheeks. "Yeah. Call if you get hung up somewhere."

"I will." I squeezed his hand one more time and returned to the cab.

"You guys are French, huh?" the driver asked as he pulled out of the parking lot.

I shook my head. "Not even French Canadian."

"Huh. So, where to?"

"Could you take me to the nearest Anglican church, please?"

"Anglican?" The driver frowned. "Uh... I know some Catholic churches..."

"I'm sorry, I mean Episcopalian."

"Oh, sure. There's a Calvary Episcopal Church not far from here. I got ya."

"Is there a rectory attached?"

"A what?"

"A... a vicarage."

"Oh. Yeah, I think so."

"It will do. Thank you kindly."

* * *

 _I couldn't let everything go smoothly for them—angst is my bread and butter. xD But at least I'm not dragging it out too badly, I think.  
_


	7. Take Me To Church

_**Disclaimer** : The views presented in this chapter regarding religion, gay marriage (which wasn't legal at the time, btw), etc. are not necessarily the views of the author. They are the views of fictional characters, and should be seen as such. Please do not be offended or use the review box as a soapbox. If characters seem OOC... I know. It's just a story. I'll pass out cookies afterward, if it helps.  
_

 _Shout-out: I apparently have three readers in Norway! Very cool._

* * *

Seven: Take Me To Church

"I made some plans for tomorrow," I told Ray while I made hot water for tea. "I hope you don't mind."

"What kind of plans?" Ray asked.

"Well, it's Sunday tomorrow... I met a rector this evening, and I told him we'd try to attend his service."

"Oh... not beating around the bush, are you?"

"This is important."

"Yeah. Okay. Not early, though, right?"

I shook my head. "We should arrive a little before ten-thirty."

"Okay, that's not bad."

"After the service, we'll talk with the Rector, Father Joseph. He said we can join him and his wife for lunch. Then I need to see the acting inspector at the consulate. Then I'm meeting Ray for dinner. You're welcome to come if you want."

"So, um... what's Father Joseph like?"

"An excellent listener. I told him a good deal about us, and he's eager to meet you and talk with both of us."

Misgivings still much in evidence, Ray said, "Well... I don't think I'll go with you tomorrow night. You and Ray probably have a lot to catch up on."

"Would you be opposed to seeing him?"

"No... but you don't need that kind of tension right now. You should be able to relax."

I took the whistling kettle from the stove and started two mugs of tea brewing. "What will you do while I'm gone?"

"Oh, I'll probably let mom come over and cook for me. She tried to stuff me tonight. She seems to think I'm thin because I'm starving."

"She is a dear."

"Yeah... I just wonder what she and dad will think if... if we decide to be a full-fledged couple."

I reached over the bar to pat his shoulder. "One bridge at a time, eh?"

"Mhm."

When we finished our tea, we brushed our teeth and retired to Ray's bedroom, leaving Dief to sleep on his sofa. The bed was only a double, but plenty big enough to hold us both, accustomed as we had become to close quarters.

"So," Ray said, nestling against me, "did Jack ever go back up the beanstalk after Victor?"

"Of course, he did," I said. "He was a man of his word. However, he packed a bag of useful items before making his second climb. When he was several hundred feet up, he was surprised to meet yet _another_ young man..."

"In the beanstalk?"

"Yes. He was taking a rest from climbing. 'Who are you?' Jack asked in surprise. 'This is my beanstalk.'"

"Seriously," said Ray. "The nerve of some people climbing other people's beanstalks."

"Are you going to keep interrupting?"

"Sorry."

The truth was, I was beginning to enjoy Ray's interruptions, and they did keep me aware that he was still awake and listening. "The young man introduced himself as Kristoff. 'I don't intend to steal your beans,' he said. 'I merely wished to climb the stalk. You see, I wish to be an Adventurer For Hire.' Jack exclaimed, 'What a coincidence! I am an Adventurer For Hire, myself. How would you like to be my apprentice?' Kristoff agreed, and the two of them continued the climb together. As they climbed, Jack told Kristoff all about the giant and the young man he intended to rescue."

"He's awfully trusting of this guy he just met."

"Adventurers For Hire have no fear of betrayal," I declared.

Ray began running his fingers through my hair as I continued the story. By the time I got Jack and Kristoff to the bird cage, I was quite sleepy, myself, lulled by his touch.

"I think I'm too sleepy to form plot points at the moment," I said.

He kissed my cheek. "Okay. Let's go to sleep." He put his arm around me, inching closer, careful not to lie on my arm this time. "I love you, Fraser."

"And I you, Ray." I kissed his lips. "Good night."

* * *

The next morning, I slipped out of Ray's room and went to the kitchen. I was surprised to find the refrigerator decently well-stocked. I realized that Ray's mother was probably responsible for this. His parents had had ample warning that we were returning soon.

I set about making us omelets for breakfast and also got the coffeemaker going.

"Oh, wow," Ray said when he came out to join me, "did you go buy food?"

I smiled and shook my head. "No; I think your mother must have done that. It was all here."

"Mom... yeah, that's like her." He came up behind me and kissed my cheek. "Thanks for cooking."

"Not at all. I'm rather fond of it."

We enjoyed our breakfast together before taking quick showers and preparing to attend church.

My uniform was not pressed to my liking, but I decided it would do.

When Ray emerged from his room in a suit and tie, he asked me, "Is this okay? I haven't worn it in forever..."

"That's fine," I told him. "Let me just redo that tie for you."

He looked down at it. The smaller end of the tie was just showing. "Damn it, I thought I made it short enough..."

I moved behind him and undid his simple overhand knot. "When you have extra length to work with, sometimes a double Windsor is in order." I had to lean over his shoulder to see properly, and while I was at it, I pressed my face against his. "There we are."

He turned to meet me in a brief kiss. "That's great. I could never get the hang of many knots."

"I can teach it to you if you like. Not now, though, or we'll be late."

He looked down at his jacket. "I've got a few wrinkles... but my other one was worse."

"It will be fine. After all, no one is more forgiving than God."

"If you say so."

* * *

It had been too long since I attended a church service, though for Ray it had been much longer. He told me he hadn't been since his parents moved to Arizona, long before I met him. He fairly hid behind me, letting me make all the introductions. When I quietly questioned his sudden shyness, he said only that so many "nice people" in one place made him nervous. I suspected he was wondering if this congregation would turn out to be like the one we had encountered before, which had been following a dishonest leader.

After a few songs, a choir number and prayer, Father Joseph gave a sermon on stewardship of God's gifts. I found the message inspiring, but I had to nudge Ray a couple of times to keep him from falling asleep.

When the final amen had been pronounced, Ray and I lingered while the parishioners made their way out of the church. Then I introduced Father Joseph to Ray.

"I'm very glad to meet you," the rector told Ray, offering him his hand.

Ray shook Father Joseph's hand. "Thanks... Fraser told me about you."

"Good things, I hope. If you'll follow me; my wife Linda is making lunch for us. Roast chicken, I believe."

"I'm sure it will be delightful," I said.

Ray seemed a little less nervous now, and fortunately less sleepy.

Once he had made brief introductions between Ray and his wife, Father Joseph took us into his living room where we sat on his sofa. He pulled an armchair close to it so we could talk confidentially.

"Ray," Father Joseph said, "Benton tells me that the two of you have sort of a unique situation."

"You could say that," Ray answered.

I took his hand. "We want to do right by each other, but I would also like to do the right thing in the eyes of God. We're hoping you can help us find the best way to achieve both."

"You are not a believer?" he asked Ray.

"I... I used to believe," Ray said. "But I kind of grew out of it. I've got nothing against religion... and it's important to Fraser, so I want to make sure he feels... you know, comfortable with everything."

"Because you love him."

"Yeah." Ray looked down.

"Please, don't be afraid of shocking me. I've heard some extreme confessions in my time. Love between two men isn't very high on the list."

Ray smiled, some of his unease seeming to ebb away.

"Now," the rector went on, "I can tell you right now that loving each other isn't wrong. There's no need to feel guilty over that."

I squeezed Ray's hand to encourage him. So far, my own thoughts on the matter were being backed up.

"Ray, you've been married, correct?"

"Yeah," Ray answered. "I was for a long time. But... I don't know. Something wasn't right. It took us years to see it."

"Now that you can look back on your marriage, would you say that it might have worked if you had made different choices?"

Ray frowned in thought, looking at the floor again for a while. Finally, he said, "No, I don't think it would have. I'm still not sure exactly what it was, but it wasn't a bad decision that did it. I think there was something wrong from the start."

I knew that was hard for him to say. I let go of his hand and put my arm around him.

"Benton," Father Joseph said, "have you been married, or had a long-term relationship before?"

"I haven't been married," I said. I didn't like the memories of Victoria that came flooding in. "I was in a relationship of sorts for a while, but... she had a darkness to her. She nearly pulled me into it. I found myself making rash decisions when I was with her." I shook my head. "It's really a mercy that she didn't stay with me."

"Just so I understand your situation, do you find yourself generally attracted to women, or more to men? Or to both equally?"

"On the whole, I would say I found only women attractive until very recently," I said.

"Me too," said Ray. "I mean, I can tell if a guy's good-looking... and I guess maybe I'd kind of admire it, but I wouldn't say I was attracted."

"And recently?" asked Father Joseph.

"Recently, I've found myself attracted to Ray," I said, feeling just a hint of heat creeping into my face.

"But not to other men?"

"No, not at all."

"And is it the same for you?" he asked Ray.

Ray nodded. "I feel like... like I didn't really notice him until I realized how much I loved him. And now, suddenly, he's really... um..." He began to blush as well.

Father Joseph gave him an indulgent smile. "All right, I understand. This doesn't seem to be an average case of homosexuality."

"No," I agreed. "It isn't that we don't want a conventional relationship, or that we're eager to flaunt sin, or even indifferent to God's laws... but we tried more traditional things and they didn't work. I think they weren't _meant_ to work for us. And now I wonder... and I hope I'm not uttering blasphemy, but I wonder whether it was because we were meant to wait for each other."

He didn't seem upset by my words. "That, I can't tell you," he said. "What is meant for you, you will ultimately have to work out between the two of you and God. However, I can tell you what I think personally. It's my opinion that you have something unusual and special. You obviously want to do right, or you wouldn't have asked for guidance. I can't give you permission, though... the union of two men or two women is contrary to the example God gave us in making Eve for Adam. It is contrary to the model of Christ and the church. However... as you say, you've tried following that model and been unsuccessful."

"Whether or not God would approve our becoming a romantic couple," I said, "I do believe we were brought together by the hand of Providence. It was a very unusual set of circumstances which led to our meeting."

"That's true," said Ray. "If Fraser's old partner hadn't been a look-alike for a mob kingpin, if I hadn't been nearby and available, if my middle name didn't happen to be Raymond... I might not have gotten the call that eventually led me to my new precinct. My new partner."

"Your sermon made me feel as if remaining mere friends would be a waste of what we've been given," I added, again worrying slightly that a charge of blasphemy might be forthcoming.

Instead of reprimanding me, Father Joseph asked, "Has your relationship become physical?"

"Not very," I answered, willing myself not to blush any deeper. "When the question of faith came up, we agreed not to consummate it without seeking guidance first."

"And now that you've begun to feel attracted to one another, how much are you attracted to women?" Father Joseph asked, looking at Ray.

"It's weird, but it's kind of like how I saw men before," Ray said. "I know they're attractive, but I'm just not interested anymore."

"And you?"

"I'd have to say the same," I said. "I feel as if I'm admiring a beautiful dinner laid out, but I've already eaten. I'm satisfied with what I have."

Father Joseph nodded slowly. "I still can't openly condone your relationship for two reasons. First, because a specific case like this is not something the scripture is emphatically clear on. Whether or not God will make an exception for you is strictly between you and him. It's not mine to know. Second, because if I did, it might confuse my parishioners and members of the community. They couldn't begin to understand without hearing the details you've told me, and those details aren't any of their business. So, the best I can offer you in the way of advice is a compromise."

"Anything that keeps Fraser on the heavenly guest list," Ray muttered.

"I suggest that you take some time to truly search within yourselves. Try to determine whether you truly believe that this relationship will last a lifetime. Can you be faithful to one another regardless of what comes? Because I promise you, it won't be easy. You will face many obstacles, some in the form of friends, family and acquaintances that once loved and respected you—abandoning you. Of opportunities taken away. Of unfounded hatred. Are you willing to face all of that? Will you truly be satisfied with each other forever?

"If you come back to me in a week or so and you don't feel the same, then I will help you try to figure out where to go from there. But if you do feel the same, I am willing to bless your union. Unofficially, of course. I can't marry you—it isn't legal, and as I said, this is not the model God gave us for marriage. But I believe I could give you what you might call the next best thing. And regardless, I promise to pray for you, that you will have peace and happiness. So, will you try? Will you search your souls and determine to deal honestly with God and yourselves?"

I looked at Ray. "Will you do this for me?" I asked him quietly.

He reached up to touch my face. "I'll do anything for you," he answered.

I pulled him close. "I think we're agreed," I told Father Joseph.

The rector smiled. "Good. Now, by the smell, I'd say lunch is probably ready. Let's all wash up, shall we?"

* * *

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" I asked Ray as he drove us away from the church.

He shook his head. "Could have been a lot worse. I figured he'd try to talk us out of it. Not... help us."

I put my hand on his knee. "I'm sorry you've lost confidence in spiritual leaders. I find it a comfort to know that I can go to them if I have nowhere else to turn."

"It's okay, Fraser. I know they're good people... most of them, anyway. And they mean well. And I will never try to stop you from getting their help if you feel like you need it." He let his right hand fall onto mine. "I'm taking you to the consulate now, right?"

"Yes, please."

"I think I'll go by the precinct, just to see if Welsh wants me back. I know we don't know where we're going yet, but I might as well see if the door is still open."

"Mm." I realized I had begun to think we would be going back to Canada. I had promised to go where Ray wanted to go, but I might be able to talk him around.

We arrived at the Canadian consulate a few minutes later. Ray didn't bother to park.

"I won't kiss you here," he said, smiling regretfully. "Too much chance someone we know might see."

"All right." I squeezed his leg. "I'll see you tonight."

"Okay."

"I love you."

"Love you, too."

* * *

I had heard of Inspector Graham, but never met him before. By all accounts, he was a good man and a capable Mountie. When I met him in his office at the consulate, he invited me to sit down and congratulated me on my new rank.

"Thank you, sir," I said. "I haven't yet become accustomed to it."

"I'm sure your father would be proud. I didn't know him well, but I admired him. It was a hard thing he did. And it took grit to follow in his footsteps."

I thanked him again. "I've been hard pressed to find fellow Mounties who wish to work with me," I said. "Or indeed, to associate with me."

"Well, we are a bit isolated here. The politics of our homeland have to trickle down a good way to reach us. I understand why you spent so much time here."

I nodded. "There are a few other isolated areas where I could have a similar arrangement, but wherever I'm posted, I intend to continue working with my American partner. I'm afraid he takes exception to arctic climates."

"In that case, you may want to stay on here. I can use a second-in-command, particularly one who already knows the area."

"I'll consider it. However, when we visited Gjoa Haven, I was struck by the need there for reinforcements. The community has a surprisingly high crime rate for the limited manpower to handle. I'm inclined to offer my help there."

"But that's definitely an arctic climate."

"Yes. I'll have to discuss it with my partner."

"I can allow you some time to do that. In the meantime, I would be grateful if you could stop in from time to time."

"Of course. I can offer you my services now, if you have anything for me to do."

Graham asked me to shadow a new constable who was learning his duties at the consulate. I was to make certain that he followed protocols and performed each task, however small, to the best of his ability.

A little after five, Ray Vecchio called to see if I was ready for him to pick me up for dinner.

* * *

"It's like old times," Ray said as I closed the Riviera's passenger door. "Me pickin' you up here in the Riv."

I smiled. "I've missed those times."

"Well, we're gonna live it up tonight. I got us a reservation and everything."

"I hope you're not going to spend too much money on me."

"Don't worry about it. I'm not just pensioned, you know. The feds did pay me a nice little chunk for playing Langoustini."

"I'm sure you earned it. But if we're going to be out late, I'll need to call Ray to make sure Diefenbaker gets out for a walk. He's been cooped up since this morning."

Ray pulled a cell phone out of his jacket pocket. "Here, use my phone."

"Thank you."

I punched in Ray Kowalski's cell number.

"Hello?"

"Ray, it's me."

"Hey, what's up?"

"Are you at home?"

"Yeah, I got back a little bit ago. Mom and Dad are coming over soon."

"Could I ask a favor of you?"

"Of course."

"Could you take Dief outside?"

"Already did. He was by the door when I got home."

I relaxed. "Ah, thank you. I'm not sure when I'll be back, so I wanted to make sure he was looked after."

"Sure, no problem. Are you with Ray now?"

"Yes. He let me use his phone."

"Oh, okay. Well, have a good time."

"I'm sure we will."

"I love you."

I hesitated a moment, wanting to answer, but not wanting to alert my friend to our changing relationship.

But my partner understood and intervened. "I know, you don't want him to hear you say it."

"Precisely."

"I'll make it easy for you. Do you love me?"

"Very much."

I could hear the smile in his voice when he said, "Thanks. I'll see you later."

"All right. Goodbye." I gave the phone back.

"Sounds like he's doing okay?" Ray made a question out of his statement.

"Yes. When I first broke the news about you and Stella, he took it quite hard. But he bears you no ill will."

"Good to know."

"And though I'm sure it will cause him pain for some time, he has come a long way in accepting it."

"That's good." After a few seconds, he said, "I've been thinking about it a lot while you were gone. Trying to see things from his perspective. I don't know how long they've been apart, but for me... I thought at first I wouldn't be bothered if Angie—you remember Angie?"

I did. "Your ex-wife."

"Yeah. I thought it wouldn't bother me if she started seeing someone. She _has_ seen a few guys since me. But then I got thinking, what if it was _Kowalski_ that started seeing her. Well, that would be weird. Not necessarily bad, just... weird. I can't say for sure it wouldn't get to me, even though I'm not in love with her now."

"I'm fairly certain that Ray isn't in love with Stella anymore. But he will probably always love her."

He nodded slowly. "I think maybe we should all get together. Let them have a chance to talk... You know, just get everything out there. Think it would help?"

"It might. I'll ask Ray if he thinks so. You should ask Stella the same."

"Yeah. I mean, it can't hurt to ask." He pulled the car into a parking space. "This is it. Forget the freezer-burned salmon and seal steak and whatever else you've been living on. Your taste buds are about to sing."

I smiled, deciding not to bother filling him in on what Ray and I had actually been eating lately.

* * *

 _Breaking it off here because the chapter's getting long. More soon. Oh yeah, and have a cookie for reading it through. ^^  
_


	8. Not Worried

_Prepare for angst. My favorite. I shall share it with you. *sinister chuckle* But I won't leave off in it.  
_

* * *

Eight: Not Worried

Ray Vecchio told me a lot about his undercover work while we had dinner. I suspect he may have told me a bit more than he was supposed to. In return, I told him about my trip with Ray Kowalski to King William Island. In the end, I was glad we were alone. Even with no one else to interrupt us, it took some time to catch up properly.

"I'm really glad you came back," Ray said in a lull in the conversation. "I was afraid I might not see you again."

I had worried the same, but I didn't like to admit it.

"Are you planning to go back to Canada, or...?"

"We don't know yet."

"You're sticking with Kowalski, then?"

"He's my partner."

"Yeah." He took a drink. "What about you and me? I mean, I know I'm not technically a cop anymore..."

"You'll always be my friend, Ray."

He smiled a small smile. "Sure, I know that. But are we partners?" He looked me in the eye.

I looked back at him, and it was as if I were seeing layers of him pulled back: the man who was spending time with me now, the man who had hastily begun a new romance, the man who had spent a year undercover as a criminal, the man who had taught me the life pulse of the city of Chicago. The man who had befriended me so easily in a time when so many were against me. "Yes. I think we'll always be that, too."

"It's good to hear you say that. I'm pretty sure I'm going to ask Stella to marry me... If she says yes, I want you to be my best man. No one else could be. So, if you won't do it, I'll have to have a tiny private ceremony, and something tells me Stella and my mother will be very disappointed. No pressure." He smirked.

I thought it over. "I think I can give you a tentative yes... but let's see about the four of us getting together first, as you suggested."

"Okay. One step at a time."

* * *

When we were done eating, Ray paid our check and drove me back toward Ray Kowalski's apartment.

"I'm glad we could do this," I told him. "It's been far too long."

"Definitely," he answered. "I was starting to forget..." He sighed. "I feel like if you said you were going to stay on here, I'd want to forget about Florida."

"You can't change such significant plans for my sake. Certainly not without Stella's approval."

"Yeah, I know. But we haven't decided for sure yet. I guess a lot of stuff depends on a lot of other stuff right now..."

"It does. I'll call you when I've talked to Ray about seeing Stella."

"Okay."

It wasn't late when we got to the apartment building, so I asked Ray if he wanted to go up with me.

"Uh... I better not," he said. "I mean, it's Kowalski's place, and he hasn't invited me, so..."

"I could call and ask him if it's all right."

"That's okay. Let him have some peace. I'll see you around, right?"

"I hope so. I won't leave town without at least alerting you first. And if I do leave again, it won't be for a few days at the very least."

"Okay, good." He slapped my shoulder. "Take care, Benny."

"You do the same," I told him.

When I got to Ray's apartment, his mother opened the door to me.

"Benton! It's so good to see you," she said, ushering me inside.

"And you, Barbara," I answered. I nodded to Ray's father, who was in an armchair next to Ray, sitting on the sofa.

Ray looked as if he wanted to come to me, but he stayed seated. "Did you have a good time?" he asked me.

"I did," I said, smiling.

"If you have room for dessert, I made brownies," Barbara said.

"Thank you, but I couldn't. Ray filled me up on lamb and cannoli."

"Some coffee, then?"

I relented. "I could have some coffee."

Ray jumped up. "I'll get it, Mom."

Barbara smiled. "I think you've been a good influence on him," she told me quietly. "He's always been a sweet boy, but he seems more... well, more _polite_ now."

"Ray's been telling us about Canada," Damian said. "I sure wouldn't like to be anywhere that cold."

"He said you actually slept in a snow cave," Barbara added.

I went to the sofa and sat down with her. "I know it seems as if it would be terribly cold, but we were quite warm enough."

Ray brought me a mug of coffee and sat on the arm of the sofa beside me. I spotted Dief lying in a corner. From his sleepy air of disinterest, I guessed that someone had spoiled him with a large helping of table scraps.

"Ray liked to dig in snowbanks when he was a boy," Barbara said. "He and his friends made a tunnel half the length of our building one year."

"And scared us to death," Damian added. "I told him to come in if it started snowing again, but he didn't, and I had to run out and stop the plow."

"Dad! I didn't know it was snowing because I was in the tunnel," Ray exclaimed. "And I was... like eight."

I smiled, grateful that Ray's father had protected him when he was a child. "I did some tunneling myself, when I was young," I recalled.

"And did anyone have to rescue you from a snowplow?" Damian asked.

"No... from a cave-in. You see, the bank I was digging in was a natural one, not packed by a plow. I hadn't learned how to judge the snow's consistency and how to shore it up properly. My grandfather and his dog dug me out. My grandmother said I was positively blue with cold. I'm sure that wasn't literally true... I was actually in more danger of suffocation than freezing."

"Uh, Fraser," Ray said, nudging my shoulder. "You don't need to retroactively freak my mom out... I've been trying to convince her I was perfectly safe on our whole trip, and now you're kinda..."

"Oh, I'm sorry," I said. "Ray is right: we were perfectly safe. I have much more experience now, and would never make such a mistake again."

"I'm sure everything was fine," Barbara said.

"So, will you be staying in the states now?" Damian asked.

"I'm not sure yet," I said, glancing up at Ray. "I could stay on at the consulate, but there are other possibilities."

"I told them earlier, but Welsh would like me back," Ray said. "He's got some new guy that's just starting to settle in, and he's hoping I can kind of... what's the word?"

"Mentor?" I suggested.

"Yeah. Mentor him. I don't know if I want to do that... I mean, I already have a partner."

"Yes, but as far as the Chicago Police Department is concerned, you don't," I pointed out. "It's always been unofficial."

"I know. I guess it might work out. We'll have to take some time to think about it."

"Staying here or returning to Canada would both have pros and cons for both of us."

"But Ray wouldn't go back to Canada if you did, would he?" Damian asked.

We looked at each other. I could tell he wasn't ready to discuss our relationship with them.

"Uh... Everything's kinda up in the air," Ray said evasively.

"There are a lot of options to consider," I agreed.

"Well, I hope you'll stay nearby," said Barbara. "Both of you," she added, smiling at me.

I could only smile in return. Ray and I needed to talk privately, and soon.

* * *

At last, Ray's parents made their departure. Although it had been good to see them, we were both relieved when they left.

Ray locked the door behind them and turned around with a mischievous smile. "Darling, at last we're alone," he said with exaggerated allure.

I couldn't help chuckling. "It's been a long day."

"Sure has. You realize that's the longest we've been apart in like... two weeks?"

I opened my arms for him and he moved into them eagerly. "We have a lot to talk about."

"Yeah. What first?"

"Soul searching?" I suggested.

"Haven't really had time for it yet. But I'm going to take it seriously. I promise," he said, sounding sincere.

I kissed his forehead. "Thank you. Still think you'll want to be with me if this is all there is to look forward to?"

He gave me a squeeze. "Hey, this is nice. Not saying I won't... you know... get horny sometimes..."

I knew I was blushing, but then, so was he.

"...But it'll be okay," he said. "We'll make it work. Still want to go with me wherever I go?"

"Yes. Though I was hoping I might be able to influence that a little."

"You want to go back to Canada?" he guessed.

"It is my home, Ray."

"Yeah... I get that. But that's me and America, you know."

I nodded. "Perhaps we can work out a compromise. We could live here a while, then in Canada for a while."

"Maybe," he said. He pressed his face against my neck. "How long is a while?"

"Oh, six months to a year?"

"Hm. Maybe."

"I keep thinking of the high crime rate in Gjoa Haven. Those people need help, and the sooner the better."

"Wait..." Ray pulled back to look at me. "You don't mean you want to go _there?"_

"I'd like to go where I can do the most good."

He smiled and then huffed out a breath, something I had observed to usually come with exasperation on his part. "But... Fraser, that's above the tree line."

"I know..."

"I said I didn't want to live above the tree line."

"Yes, I know. But I thought—"

"You thought I didn't mean it? 'Cause I meant it. We found Franklin. By all accounts, he's been more searched for than Waldo. We did it. We don't need to go back. Ever. I'm done with that level of cold."

"I understand, but perhaps if we—"

"You said wherever I wanted."

"You said you didn't much care what you did after we found him."

Diefenbaker came over and sat on the floor between us, looking from one of us to the other.

"I said 'not above the tree line,' and you said 'okay.'"

"Actually, what I said was, 'Duly noted.'"

"Whatever! You still agreed." He was beginning to raise his voice.

"I agreed to take your wishes into account. But, what I was going to say was, it will be summer there soon. The days will be longer, and not quite as cold..." I was trying to keep my voice level and calm, to sooth him.

"Does summer last six months to a year up there?"

"Well, no..."

"And does it somehow dip below the tree line in summer?"

"Of course not. That's impossible, as I think you know."

"Because that was the deal."

"There's no need to get upset. I don't see why you can't at least consider—"

A sort of tremor seemed to go through him. "Fraser!" He turned away from me. "Cauliflower."

I froze, mouth slightly open to form the next part of my argument. I let my breath out quietly and closed my mouth. We stood in silence for several seconds, him with his back to me. Dief barked at me, just once. It wasn't his warning bark; more like his demand for attention bark. He looked at Ray and barked again.

"Shut up," Ray muttered, though Dief couldn't see his face, so it had no effect on him.

I took a step toward Ray, determined to make good on my promises to him. "I'm sorry," I said softly. "I..."

He sighed. "It's okay... I'm sorry too." He turned halfway around and leaned stiffly against my shoulder, practically falling against me as if his joints wouldn't bend. "I just don't get why..."

"Let's not talk about it anymore right now," I said quickly, putting my arms around him again. "We'll let it rest and try again later."

He nodded mutely. A moment later, he slipped his arms around me with another quiet sigh. From the way he continued breathing deeply, I suspected he was struggling to keep tears at bay.

"Ray, I'm sorry," I said again, reaching up to cradle his head.

"No..." he said in a tight voice. "It's okay." He burrowed into my neck, and I thought I felt a coolness on my shoulder that suggested a tear had soaked through my shirt.

"We're going to work this out. Just not right now."

He nodded against my neck. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you, too."

"Can we go to bed?"

"All right." I kissed his forehead and let go of him reluctantly. Dief was already back in his corner.

* * *

I worried when Ray kept to his side of the bed, but then his hand found mine. I gripped it firmly and then began a quiet exchange of caressing.

After a few minutes, I said softly, "Ray?"

"Mhm."

I rubbed my eyebrow with my free hand. "I understand if you want to keep to yourself at the moment... but I'd like to hold you."

I heard him exhale through his nose, and imagined a rueful smile on his face. "I'd like that too," he said. Another breath and he was in my arms, holding my hand against his chest.

"Are you angry?" I asked.

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure. Are you? Angry?"

"No."

He pulled my hand up to kiss it and then replaced it on his chest. "I think we're gonna be okay," he murmured.

I spread my fingers on his chest and moved them in and out slowly. "I think so, too."

"I just don't think I can ever eat cauliflower again."

I laughed quietly and kissed his neck. "That's all right... I think broccoli is better for you, anyway."

After a minute, he said, "Fraser... if it means that much to you, we can try that six months idea..."

"Shh. We need to sleep before we decide anything. It'll be all right."

"Okay. I love you... more than anything."

His words washed over me in a wave of warm comfort. "I feel the same." I kissed him again. "Good night." I had almost called him "love." I wasn't sure how he would respond to that, and thought it best to let him go to sleep without unsettling him with anything new.

"Good night," he answered sleepily.

* * *

The next morning, I made breakfast for him again, this time making toast to go with our omelets. I set the egg yolks aside, cut heart-shaped holes in the egg white omelets, and dropped the yolks back in to finish frying. Dief was happy to eat up the scraps.

I had just set out our plates and started hunting for the candy Ray so often dropped into his coffee when he came out to join me.

He gave me a sleepy smile and said, "I should have known. You don't have to do this every morning, you know."

"I probably won't always have time. But I really don't mind," I said.

Seeing the toast and heart-centered omelets, he laughed. "Is this an apology breakfast?"

"Not exactly."

He took a seat and I went to put my arms around him.

"But I am sorry for upsetting you so much," I said.

He shook his head. "Don't worry about it. I'm sorry I lost my temper."

"You didn't, though. You stopped it before it got that far. It was good." I placed a kiss in his messy hair.

"Barely. God, I never want to hurt you again." His voice sounded a little off.

"Never mind. It's a new day, and we get to start over." I gave his shoulders a squeeze and went back around the bar to get our coffee. I passed the candy-infused mug to him and brought my own around to sit on the stool next to him.

"What are we doing today?" he asked before taking a sip of his coffee.

"First, I want to ask you something."

"Okay," he said, rather guardedly.

"Inevitably, Ray and I talked about you and Stella a bit last night. He suggested, and I thought he might be right, that it could help you both to see one another again and talk things through."

He stared at his plate. He didn't move, but somehow he seemed to become more uncomfortable with each passing moment.

"I understand if you don't want to, but you did tell Father Joseph that you're still not sure why the two of you fell out. Maybe you could learn the reason."

He swallowed. "I just... wasn't enough for her," he said quietly. "For some reason, in some way, I wasn't good enough. That's all I really need to know, isn't it?" A tear slipped down his cheek, but he ignored it, and I decided the best way to save face for him at the moment was to do the same.

"I'm sure it's not that simple," I said. "And I think it unlikely that Stella feels no pain over your separation. It might do her some good as well. Maybe she would appreciate the chance to make things clearer."

He closed his eyes and took a few slow breaths. He looked uncomfortably warm.

I stood and put my arms around him again. "I would go with you. Ray and I would be nearby the whole time."

He sniffed. "You sure he doesn't just want to clear his conscience?"

"Of what?"

He hesitated. "I don't know. I guess I mean... maybe he just wants to make sure he won't have to worry about her running back to me."

"That's not what you said at all."

"Yeah... sorry. My mind's kind of all over the place. I don't know what I'm saying."

I pulled his head against my chest. "What Ray wants is to be sure you two aren't left with any lingering doubts and regrets. He's thinking seriously of marrying Stella, but he doesn't want to rush her into it if she isn't as sure as he is. And he'd rather not leave you bitter over it, either."

He sighed and put one arm around me. "I'll see her... as long as you're there, like you said."

"I will be."

"Okay."

I leaned down to kiss his tears away.

"You're not worried we'll miraculously patch things up and run off to renew our vows?" he asked, not quite managing to sound lighthearted.

I smiled slightly. "Perfect love casts out fear."

"Is that Shakespeare?"

"The Bible, actually."

"Is it kind of like... 'love is blind'?"

"No... the saying 'love is blind' refers to the reluctance of people to see their lovers' faults. The idea of love casting out fear implies that love is constant, and when it is a true and selfless love, it does not fear destruction. The object of that love will always be loved, regardless of their actions."

I could tell he was trying to follow what I was saying, but not quite grasping it.

"In other words," I said, "I need not worry about a reunion between you and Stella. Because, unlikely as it is, if it made you happy, then I should be happy for you, because I love you."

He was silent a moment more before saying, "That's stupid. If you went back to an old lover, I'd be pissed as hell."

Clearly, he had not yet achieved a Biblical level of selfless love. But I couldn't be annoyed with him at that moment. I kissed his temple. "Never mind. I'm not worried, that's all."

* * *

 _Haha don't worry, Ray... few human beings are on the same plane as Fraser when it comes to selflessness. Please leave a comment if you'd be so kind.  
_


	9. A Walk In the Park

_There's some heavy fluff in this one. Diabetics should skip it. (Unless you're the kind with too much insulin, in which case, this will help. lol)  
_

* * *

Nine: A Walk In the Park

Ray went with me to the consulate, where I supervised the young constable, Michaels, again. He took an interest in things at first, but eventually became bored. So, when Inspector Graham had an errand for me to run, he was happy to drive me. Along the way, he let me use his phone to call Ray Vecchio to see if and when we could meet with him and Stella. Stella had agreed to the meeting, and we decided to convene at the park the following day.

After lunch, we took a long, aimless walk downtown. We spontaneously entered a few stores we normally wouldn't have and ended up in a coffee shop that Ray decided was "the bomb."

"We should pick up some groceries on the way home," I said, stirring my mocha. "We have bread, eggs and cheese. And I saw some vegetables in the freezer. We need milk, and I'd like to pick up some sort of meat and fresh vegetables, too."

"You gonna cook?" Ray asked around the straw in his iced latte.

"That was my intention."

"Sounds good. At least one of us needs to start working again for real, though. I don't know about you, but I'm not gonna be able to pay rent soon. And I'm not selling the GTO."

"Understood." I thought over our argument from the night before, trying to decide the best position of diplomacy to take up. "Now that I've had some time for reflection," I said, "I've remembered something very important. It should have been obvious, of course. But the reason I told you I wanted to be with you, wherever you went, and whatever you needed me to be, was because you are more important to me than anything else. I want to help the officers in Gjoa Haven, but not at the expense of your misery."

He tilted his head and looked to the side. "It wouldn't be _that_ miserable, if you were with me..."

"No, but... I made you an offer with no strings attached because there are none attached to my love for you. If you don't want to live above the tree line, we'll just have to find somewhere else that I can be of use."

He looked up at me and slid his hand across the table for me to take. "Fraser, I appreciate what you're saying. But I don't want to be the reason you're not doing what you want to do."

I shifted and held his hand with both of mine. "Being with you is what I want to do, first and foremost. I do feel a duty to my country, and to my calling as a Mountie, but one's family comes first."

His eyebrows rose slightly. "Family," he murmured.

"Well... I can't think of you as just a friend anymore."

He smiled and stared at our hands. "I really want to kiss you right now, but..."

"Too many people?"

"Mhm."

I squeezed his hand and let go of it. "You can make it up to me later."

He went back to his coffee, blushing slightly, but still smiling.

* * *

We brought a few bags of groceries back to Ray's apartment, and I made us a chicken dinner with steamed vegetables. We took Dief for a walk before dessert, which was chocolate chip cookies in front of the TV.

"They're better home-made," I said apologetically. "But I didn't feel industrious enough to try cooking and baking at the same time."

"Not a problem," Ray said after a gulp of milk. "I still don't know how my folks will take it, but my mom will be glad I'm with someone who knows how to cook."

"We'll make them from scratch another time," I said, leaning over to kiss him.

He made a sound of protest and put up his hand between us. "Wai—my mouf's full."

"I don't care."

He lowered his hand to reveal a bewildered smile.

I pressed my mouth to his and even licked along his lower lip, getting a taste of sweetness.

He swallowed when I pulled back and then said, "Stella was always turned off when I had something in my mouth... and Frannie always complains when she sees me eating. Says I'm messy."

"I appreciate a certain degree of politeness, but I'm certainly not turned off."

"Good to know."

"In fact, I like to watch you eat," I said boldly.

"Oh, really?" He looked at the half-eaten cookie in his hand. "Well, damn, now I feel self-conscious."

I smiled and put my arm around him. "I'll keep my eyes on the television."

He laughed quietly and finished his cookie.

When the TV program ended, he turned it off with the remote control. "Story before bed?" he asked, sounding a little like a child.

"If you brush your teeth first," I said in a stiff dad-voice.

He snorted and kissed my chin. "Okay."

A few minutes later, I was back on the sofa, sitting with my legs across it. When Ray came to join me, I reached out for him, encouraging him to sit between my legs. He appeared a little nervous, but once he was settled back against me, he seemed to relax.

"Now," I said, "where were we?"

"Um... Jack and Kristoff were figuring out how to get Victor out of the cage."

"Right." I took a few moments to gather my thoughts. "Well, Victor told them he had a new problem. He had heard the giant talking to his cook..."

"A giant cook?"

"Yes. A giantess. Anyway, he had ascertained that somewhere in the castle was another prisoner. A young woman was being held prisoner by the giantess that the giant—the keeper of the castle—was planning to marry."

"Hang on. You've got a giant, a giant bride, and a giant cook?"

"Yes."

"Can you give them names, please? It's getting confusing."

"Hm. The giant's name was Despair."

"That sounds familiar."

"You probably had to read part of _The Pilgrim's Progress_ for school at some point."

"Ohhh, yeah. You're plagiarizing."

"Only if I claim it as my own original work. And anyway, I believe that work is in the public domain. Now, hush. Despair's cook was called... Cookie. And the giantess bride was named Vanity."

"Nice."

"Anyway, Victor told them that Despair had been fattening him up to be part of the wedding feast. If he escaped now, he feared that the young woman Vanity held prisoner... um... Sally, would be eaten in his place. The three of them discussed the problem. Victor did not know where in the castle Sally was being kept, or they might try to rescue her as well. 'If only you'd managed to stay a little thinner,' Kristoff said. 'Despair might have put off the wedding.' Victor was rather put out. 'You try resisting tenderloin and onion rings and doughnuts every day,' he exclaimed."

Ray chuckled. "Poor Victor."

"At last, Jack thought of a solution. 'There's only one thing to be done,' he declared. 'We must stall for time. Kristoff, you will take Victor's place. Despair will think Victor has grown thin again and put off the wedding, giving me and Victor a chance to rescue Sally.'"

"That's ridiculous," said Ray. "How stupid do they think the giant is?"

"'That's ridiculous,' said Kristoff. 'I don't even look like him!' But Victor said, 'Actually, it might work. I've observed that most of these giants are near-sighted, and he probably won't know the difference.'"

I went on to describe how they got the cage open and switched one of Jack's new friends for the other, swapping some of their clothing to assist in the ruse. "'We'll be back for you soon,' Jack promised." I leaned forward slightly and kissed Ray's neck. "Tune in next time for another exciting installment..."

Ray turned his head so I could kiss his lips. "This is the weirdest version of Jack And the Beanstalk I've ever heard," he said.

"At least I'm being original."

"Yeah, except for the _Pilgrim's Progress_ part."

"True." I tightened my arms around his torso and kissed along his jaw.

He put his arms over mine. "Fraser?"

"Uhuh."

"I really think the part-time compromise is a good idea."

"Part of the time here and part of it in Canada?"

"Yeah. I don't know about Gjoa Haven... but we can work something out, right?"

"I'm sure we can."

"Because I do want this to be forever. The stuff Father Joseph said we'd have to deal with... the flack from other people, and whatever else comes along... I think I can handle that, as long as you're there handling it with me."

I held him tighter, still.

"The one thing that scares me is... that I'll screw this up between us somehow. I'll do something wrong, something stupid." He swallowed. "And you won't want to be with me anymore."

I pulled him back so he was in my lap and he put one arm around my neck. I put my hand to the side of his face. "Even if you did... even if you were to stop loving me... no matter how much it hurt, I would still want to be with you. I love you, and I wouldn't be able to stand not being there to make sure you were all right. To live each day near you."

He closed his eyes. "Don't let me do that to you... if I'm that much of a dick to you, don't stay with me, for god's sake."

I smiled a little. "But you won't do that."

"No," he said, opening his eyes and staring earnestly into mine. "No, I'll always want you with me, too."

"Then you've nothing to worry about. It's like I said: when you love someone selflessly, there's no room for fear. I love you so much that you could never screw up badly enough for me to stop. Could you ever stop loving me?"

He shook his head. "I don't think so. The only crap I can think of that would make that happen is crap you'd never _think,_ let alone do."

"So, we're all right."

He leaned his forehead against mine. "Yeah... We'll be all right. And I thought I should tell you, I'm okay with you being religious. I'll even go to church with you, if you really want me to."

I hadn't expected such an offer, and I was touched. "Thank you. I haven't attended regularly for some time, myself, and I wouldn't expect you to. But now and then, it might be nice."

"Okay. Now... this seems like it's probably a really uncomfortable position for you..."

It was true; Ray's thin frame possessed little padding, and his bones were putting uncomfortable pressure on a few points of contact. I sat up a bit more and he turned in my arms, putting his feet on the floor to take some of his weight off me.

"Better?" he asked.

"Mhm. But we'll be still more comfortable in bed."

"Okay." He kissed me softly before standing and lending me a hand.

I was sure he was nervous about our plans for the next day, but he fell asleep quickly in my arms that night. I attributed it to the strength of emotion he'd experienced lately.

* * *

We went to the 27th precinct the next day, and met the young man Welsh wanted Ray to mentor. His name was Joshua Campbell, and he seemed possessed of an excellent mind, though also an unfortunate infatuation with Francesca Vecchio.

"The more you go after her, the more she'll flatten you," Ray warned him. "Take it from me. The only way to get her attention is to pretend you're indifferent to it, and maybe not even then."

Campbell did not seem happy about this advice, though he did seem to make an effort to follow it.

Francesca herself seemed barely to register Campbell's presence. She exclaimed over missing me during my absence (to which Ray said, "What am I? Chopped liver?") and asked whether I was back "to stay."

"That depends on a lot of things," I told her. "Ray and I are considering our employment options to determine if, and how long, we will remain in the country."

"Wait... you two are thinking of going back up there... together?" she asked, looking confused.

"Can't break up the act," Ray said, smiling.

She looked back and forth between us. "Wow. I just... guess I didn't realize..." She cleared her throat. "Um, I guess you heard about my brother and..."

"Yes," I said. "How do you feel about it, if I may ask?"

"Fine. Stella's cool. It's fine. I guess." She looked stealthily at Ray. "And, um... how are you with it?"

Ray sighed. "Not great," he admitted. "But... I'm getting over it."

"Well, you know... you'll find someone else."

He smiled. "Yeah. I know."

I looked away from him for fear of giving the game away.

We helped Campbell for a while with the case he was attempting to unravel. Then we took him to a cafe for lunch. After that, it was time to meet Ray Vecchio and Stella at the park.

Some of Ray's nervousness returned, and he became quiet as he pulled into a parking space.

"They'll be down by the water," I said, unfastening my seatbelt.

"Okay."

We walked along the path side by side. I wanted to hold his hand, but kept mine to my sides.

I felt a bit more at ease when I saw my old partner sitting on a bench with Stella. He stood up when he saw us and came to meet us.

"There you guys are," he said. He took my hand and gave me a half-hug to go with it. "Good to see you again, Benny." He stepped back and nodded to Ray. "And you, Kowalski."

Ray nodded. "Hey."

We walked back toward the bench and Stella rose to greet us.

"Hello, Ray," she said.

He exchanged a familial kiss on the cheek with her. "Hey, Stella. You look good."

She smiled a little. "So do you. I'm glad you had a safe trip."

"So," Ray Vecchio interjected, "I saw an ice cream stand up there... Whaddya say, Benny? Should we get cones for everyone?"

I recognized that this was his way of getting the two of us away from the two of them. "All right." I looked at my Ray. "Chocolate?"

He nodded. "Sure. Thanks."

"And...?" Ray Vecchio asked, looking at Stella.

"Strawberry," Ray said, as if it were an involuntary reaction. He looked down sheepishly.

"That's right," Stella said.

"Okay," Ray Vecchio said, smoothing over the awkward moment. "We'll be back in two shakes."

We walked away from them, taking our time.

"It's gonna be a long time... before I know her as well as he does."

"That's to be expected," I said. "He's known her more than half of her life."

"Yeah." He glanced back at them and then faced forward again. "This was a good idea, right?"

"I think so. And I really appreciate the effort you're making."

"I just want everything to be okay between us. And I don't want to leave anyone all screwed up, you know? When I came back, Kowalski felt pretty... displaced, I guess. If we'd known what was gonna happen, I could have just said, 'Don't worry about it. Keep the desk. Keep everything. You can even come over for Sunday dinner like you're still a Vecchio. I'm not staying on at this station.' But I didn't know. None of us could have known."

"No, we couldn't," I agreed. As we entered the line at the ice cream stand, I thought about how I had started thinking of Ray Kowalski as "my Ray" in my mind. He wasn't exactly a friend anymore. Not even a best friend. The feeling of betrayal had subsided. He was something different now. "Ray?"

"Yeah?"

"Things weren't the same while you were away."

"I figured, but that's nice to know."

"I don't know exactly where our paths will take us, but I want you to know you're one of the best friends I've known."

"You gettin' mushy on me?"

I smiled. "I wouldn't dream of it. But I have to say, you may not _still_ be my best friend, but I want you to be _again,_ if you're willing."

He gave me a quizzical look and then glanced back at my Ray and Stella. "What, the two of you have a falling out over whether apple pie is better than saskatoon berry?"

I shook my head, smiling more broadly. "We haven't fallen out. It's not that I like him any less. It's just... a different title, I suppose."

"Fraser, I think I've told you before, but in case you've forgotten, you're one of the strangest people I've ever met."

"Understood."

We had reached the front of the line. Before I could decide on a flavor, Ray decided for me.

"Give him rocky road. And we'll take two chocolates and a strawberry."

"Ray..."

"Well, you were taking too long."

The young man behind the counter looked at me uncertainly. "Is that okay?"

I wasn't any closer to a decision, so I gave it up and nodded. "That will be fine. Thank you kindly."

We watched the others while we waited. They were standing closer to the water now, and their body language suggested that both of them were a bit uncomfortable.

"How long do we give 'em?" Ray asked.

"I suppose until the ice cream begins to melt."

"Okay."

Ray paid for the four ice cream cones and we began walking back even more slowly than we had left.

"By the way," Ray said, "you're _still_ my best friend. So... wherever that leaves you."

"Thank you, Ray."

"Sure. Don't mention it. And I'm not just saying that. Understand?"

Clearly, he felt my discussion of our friendship was unnecessary, or perhaps even inappropriate. "Yes."

"Good."

Ray Kowalski had turned away from Stella, and I was a bit concerned. But then she stepped closer and took him by the arm.

"Should we interrupt?" Ray asked me, apparently equally concerned.

"No... let things run their course," I said.

We waited until their ice cream was beginning to drip, at which point they shared a hug.

"That's good, right?"

"I would think so," I said. "And by the way, if you have any notions about Stella going back to him, I think they're unfounded."

"I didn't think she would... but thanks."

We reached them shortly after that, and Ray Vecchio rejoined Stella, taking her back to sit on the bench again. I stayed closer to the water with my Ray.

"I'm afraid it started to melt," I said, handing his ice cream cone to him.

"You could have just licked it."

"Ray might have asked questions."

"True."

"And I thought you might not like it. You do tend to protest the places I put my tongue."

He blushed a little, apparently prompted into some off-color thoughts by my phrasing. "Well, as far as I know you haven't licked anything weird lately." He licked at his ice cream until it wasn't in danger of dripping anymore.

"You don't have to tell me what she said," I told him.

"It's okay. I want to tell you." He looked out over the water. "She... she said basically I let her win all the time. Like... if we argued, we always ended up doing what she wanted. She didn't realize it until we argued about having kids. She could tell it was super important to me, and I hadn't stuck to something so long before. And it just kind of... made her see all the times I'd caved, and she thought we'd wanted different things all along, but I'd given it all up to make her happy." His voice became strained as he spoke, and now he paused as his eyes clouded.

"Do you think she's right?"

He shook his head. "I didn't at first. She said she didn't tell me all that before because I wouldn't have believed her. But she is right. She was right about everything—she knew me better than I knew myself. Right from the start, I was the one chasing her. I guess she let me catch her because I was the first guy who showed that level of dedication. We were just kids... we didn't know what we wanted in life yet."

"Mm." With some misgiving, I thought back over the many arguments Ray and I had had. "You know... since we decided to find Franklin together, you've been doing the same thing with me."

He stiffened. "Oh, god... I haven't really, have I?"

I put my free hand on his shoulder. "I wanted to investigate the bloodstain at the outpost. You were strongly against it, but in the end you said we could stay if I wanted to."

"I just..."

"When we arrived at Gjoa Haven, you offered to abandon our expedition because I was missing Ray Vecchio. When you realized I believed in God, you thought the decent thing might be to give me up so I could continue in my faith with a clear conscience, possibly even stepping out of the way for me to marry someone else. You agreed to go to a church, even though it made you uncomfortable, because you wanted me to be at peace. Even when we were completely at odds about where I should be stationed, you eventually relented. You were ready to take back your insistence that we not live above the treeline in order to make me happy." I could see the shock at his own actions reflected on his face. "I'm not upset with you about this, Ray. I'm just as much at fault. I've been selfish."

"No... you haven't," he said.

"I've taken advantage of you, and I did it because I was conceited. I assumed you always deferred to my judgment because of my superior knowledge, experience or even common sense. But it was simply because you felt it would be best for our relationship if you put my wishes first."

Both our ice cream cones were beginning to run a bit at this point. I busied myself with cleaning mine up while he considered what I'd said.

"I guess I have kind of been doing that," he admitted quietly. "But most of the time you do know what's best for us."

"Maybe so, but we need to be more honest with each other. We need to be partners in every sense, and decide things together. I don't want you to give in out of fear that I'll leave you, or even fear that you may upset me. It may take some practice, but I think we can learn to discuss things openly without all the worry and doubt. Everything we do should be done in mutual agreement, so we can confidently give it our all. Does that sound reasonable?"

He nodded. "I'll try."

"Good." I gave his shoulder a squeeze and then let go of him, not wanting to arouse suspicion.

"Oh, and... Stella knows."

"About us?"

"Yeah. I kinda let something slip. She said she'd wondered, but she didn't want to say anything."

"What tipped her off?"

"I guess the way I move around you... she used to be my anchor point for a long time, so she recognized it somehow. She thought maybe it was just because we'd been through so much together, but then she wasn't too surprised when I told her. She won't say anything, but I guess it's okay if you want to tell Ray now." He began eating his ice cream again.

"I'd like to, if you're sure it's all right."

"Yeah. Let's just finish these first."

* * *

 _Ah, sweet_ _closure... But I've got quite a bit more left to write, I think.  
_


	10. Breaking News

_Lots of angst ahead. I like to be mean to my characters before I'm nice to them. I can't help it.  
_

 _And, in case you missed the point of the name of the story, it's in this chapter. ^_^_

* * *

Ten: Breaking News

"Ray," I said, sitting beside my friend on the bench.

My Ray went around to stand behind me.

"Yeah?" Ray Vecchio asked.

"There's something I want to tell you."

"Aw, what'd I do now?" he joked.

"Nothing. You've been outstanding. But as Ray has let Stella know already, it seems only fair that I tell you."

He looked utterly baffled. "Okay... what is it? Is this about you guys being front page news? We saw the story about you finding John Franklin."

I was momentarily distracted. "Oh... was that this morning?"

"Yeah. You're gonna be in history books. I got extra copies, in case you want them."

"Thank you. But that isn't what I was going to tell you. It's just that Ray and I..." I suddenly found myself struggling for a good way to put things. I wanted to be clear, but I wanted to cause as little shock as possible. "We're..."

"A couple," Ray Kowalski finished for me.

The other Ray started to chuckle and then sobered abruptly. "Wait, you're serious?"

"Yes," I said. "I know it's surprising..."

"It kind of sneaked up on us, too," my Ray put in.

"...but we're quite sure that we're no longer content with the designation of 'friend,' or even 'partner.' We've become..."

"Lovers?" suggested Stella.

That seemed to hint at more than I wanted to at this point. "Of a sort," I said, feeling my face flush.

"Oh, my god," Ray said, looking from me to my Ray. "But... but you... but you both..."

"I know. We've both had relationships with women before. And they were real enough. But they didn't end up working."

"So, you're not..."

"No, I don't think either of us is." It was nice to know that we could still finish each other's sentences. It allowed me to avoid putting some of the more awkward things into words.

"And..." He continued to look back and forth between us. "But then... how did you... have you been...?"

"We're waiting."

"For what? You know you can't get married."

"I know. But we have spoken to a minister."

He looked surprised. "Oh, really?"

"Yeah," my Ray confirmed. "I figured he'd just wanna lay hands on us and try to exorcise our demons or something, but he was pretty cool."

"You didn't really think that, did you?" I asked.

"Well... I dunno. But in the end he said he'd give us his blessing if we think God's willing to sneak us in under the radar."

I shook my head. "What a way you have of putting things..." I looked back at Ray Vecchio. "Anyway... I understand if you feel the need to distance, or even disassociate yourself from us..."

"Why would I wanna do that?" he asked.

"Well, you are from a Catholic family..."

"Benny... I'm a divorcee who's getting ready to marry another divorcee. How good a Catholic you think I am?"

"That is a fair point."

"No, I'm not gonna turn my back on you guys. It's weird as all get out, but... you were already weird. I just can't believe..." He shook his head. "I mean, you're so shy around women, I can't imagine how you are with a guy. Kowalski must have made the first move, huh?"

"Actually... it's not what you think," my Ray said. "I'd have expected him to be shy, too, but..." He laughed nervously. "He's actually been the one calling the shots."

"Get outta here. Not really?"

"That's not too surprising," Stella said knowingly.

"Eh, never mind. I have a feeling I'm about to hear more than I want to."

"So, this minister—you're going to see him again?" Stella asked.

"Yes," I said. "We're going to let him know that we've given everything careful thought and that we're dedicated to staying together for the rest of our lives. When we do that, he's promised to bless us and pray for us."

"Are you going to have a ceremony?"

"You two are the first people we've told," said my Ray. "We figured it would be a really private thing. But..." he looked at me uncertainly. "Ray can come if you want."

"We'll have to talk about it," I said, not wanting to lay any definite plans without making sure I wasn't taking advantage of my partner's desire to see me happy. "We haven't even told your parents yet, so we should hold off our planning for that, at least."

"Yeah." He put his hands on my shoulders and slid his arms down to encircle my neck loosely. "God, I hope they take it well."

"They love you," Stella said. "They want you to be happy. This may be hard for them to accept, but... even if it is, it's just because they care about you so much."

"Try not to spring it on them too suddenly," Ray advised. "But definitely do it together. And if worst comes to worst, stick together. Don't let them try to get rid of Fraser so they can talk to you alone."

"Sounds like you've had some experience with difficult parents," my Ray said.

"You could say that. You should have heard Ma when I told her I was going undercover. I thought she was gonna threaten me with deadly force."

"I wish I could have been there for you then," I said. I had already regretted having to find out about the operation after Ray had already left Chicago; I hadn't thought about how hard it must have been for him to break the news to his family.

"Me too, but... it worked out." He smiled. "I still can't believe this. Look at you two!"

I smiled and I heard my Ray chuckle.

"I haven't seen you so happy in a long time," Stella said to my Ray. "I think you're very good for each other."

"Thanks," said my Ray. "I think so, too. At least, I hope I'm good for him."

I reached up to take one of his hands. "Of course, you are."

"Damn, you're so sweet it's disgusting," said Ray. "I never wouldda believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, but I've seen enough now. Cut it out before someone else sees you."

"I really don't object to anyone seeing," I said. "We're going to be telling more people soon, anyway."

"Sure, but I think you'll find the general public won't be waiting to congratulate you."

My Ray gave my head a quick kiss and then pulled away from me. "He's right. Maybe eventually we can hold hands and hold our heads up at the same time on a busy sidewalk, but I'd like to kind of pick our battles as we go."

I wanted to disagree, but I couldn't. The RCMP itself had a history of strong discrimination against minorities and "suspected gays." Even though those prejudices were slowly fading, they were by no means gone. "All right. We should get in touch with your parents as soon as possible... if they can come over tonight, I'll make dinner for them."

"Okay, I'll see."

"Let me know how it goes," Ray said.

"We'll be rooting for you," said Stella.

"Thank you," I said. "That means a lot." I was very relieved that our meeting had gone so well, and that Ray and Stella were supportive of us. However, now that my Ray and Stella had talked and our relationship was known to our friends, I felt we should part so we could talk separately. I took my Ray's wrist to check his watch. "We should make a start if we're going to entertain tonight."

We stood up to say our goodbyes, and though Stella and my Ray were still a little stiff with each other, I thought it was nothing compared to how nervous they had both been when we arrived.

The path back to the parking area wasn't busy, so I reached for my partner's hand. He glanced around and then slipped it into mine.

"Think we're better off here or in Canada, as far as prejudice goes?" he asked me quietly.

"I don't know," I said. "Is that an important factor to you?"

He shook his head. "Not really. I just like to know what I'm up against."

I heard Ray Vecchio's voice behind us and paused. He ran up to us.

"Hey, sorry," he said, and then took a moment to catch his breath. "Fraser, I told Stella I wanted to ask you something, so... uh, what's your favorite color?"

"My favorite color?" I repeated.

"It's an excuse," my Ray said. "He really wanted something else."

"Well, I like a lot of colors..."

"Just answer the question," Ray said impatiently. "What's _one_ of your favorite colors?"

"I suppose the foremost alphabetically would be azure."

"Fascinating." He turned to my Ray. "Kowalski, I got a little problem, and I hate to put you on the spot..."

"What is it?" the other asked.

"Stella's mentioned she'd like to go dancing. I _can_ dance, but I'm..."

"Two left feet?"

"I'm not terrible," he snapped. "But I'm guessing it's something you two used to do a lot..."

"Do you waltz?"

"Not so good."

My Ray thought for a moment. "Contra," he said at last. "There's a place on fifty-second that does contra on Saturday nights. Stella said she wanted to try it, but we never did."

"Oh, yeah, I've passed that place. But I don't know how to do contra."

"That's okay—neither does she. She'd love to learn it with you."

Ray smiled. "Smart. Thanks, I owe you."

My Ray shook his head. "No problem."

We waved him off and continued on our way.

"That was very well thought-of, Ray," I said.

"Aah, I dunno. He may not be so grateful when he finds out contra is one of those line dance things."

"Strictly speaking, it isn't a line dance, Ray. It's a folk dance made up of—"

"Okay, I stand corrected. I just mean, it may not be up his alley."

* * *

We stopped at a grocery store to get the ingredients I would need for dinner. Once back at the apartment, I put Ray to work peeling potatoes.

"Don't cut yourself," I ordered.

"I'll try not to," he answered. Then he added, "But if I do, you'll patch me up, right?"

I knew he was trying to lure me into a pointless conversation about a hypothetical situation, and I refused to take the bait. "Well, I would, but I don't have time for that, and neither do you. So, just don't cut yourself."

He pouted a little, but soon put his attention into the task before him. He wasn't a very deft hand at peeling, nor a very quick one, but he managed to get the job done without cutting himself. By that time, I had browned the meat, prepared the gravy and cut up the onions and carrots. I put the potatoes on to boil and began putting the casserole together.

"I don't think I've used that dish since I moved in here," Ray told me with a laugh.

"I can't say I'm surprised. Do you have a tray for the rolls?"

"Somewhere." He set about finding it.

Finally, the dish was assembled and in the oven, and the rolls were ready to put in just before Ray's parents arrived. We put out four place settings between his coffee table and two end tables, so we could all sit together and talk easily.

"Let's put Dad over here in this chair," Ray said. "Then Mom on the sofa... I guess I'll be next to her and you in the other chair?"

"Could the three of us fit on the sofa?"

He looked it over. "It'd be pushing it," he said. "I mean, if they already knew, then it wouldn't be weird, but since they don't know... they'll definitely think it's weird if we're squashed together like that."

"Very well. I'll take the chair. Napkins?"

"Knew I forgot something." He hurried back to the small kitchen area and searched for a moment before returning with a roll of paper towels. "We can fold some of these up."

"Fold them in half twice," I said, taking one to demonstrate. "And then diagonally."

"Cool. Got it."

We heard a knock at the door as we completed the settings.

"Shit, that's them."

"Don't panic," I told him. "You bring them in and seat them. I'll check the casserole."

He tossed me the paper towel roll to put away. I opened the oven and peeked inside while Ray ushered his parents into the apartment and told them we'd be eating in the living area. The main dish looked done, so I took it out carefully and put in the tray of rolls, adjusting the oven temperature before carrying the hot dish to the coffee table.

"That looks lovely, Benton," Barbara told me. "Is it a shepherd's pie?"

"Cottage pie," I said, giving her a smile. "Beef is less expensive than lamb, and we have reason to be frugal after our respective time off."

"Well, it smells delicious. I brought a sweet potato pie. I hope you don't mind."

I looked back to the kitchen and saw Ray coming back toward me, having set the pie on the bar. "I don't mind at all. I was just thinking it was a shame I didn't have anything for dessert. Ray, would you get out the wine?"

Ray did an about-face to go back to the refrigerator.

"Wine?" Damian asked. "So much for being frugal."

"It's nothing special, Dad," Ray called. He came back with the wine and sparkling cider for me.

I served the casserole and Ray poured the drinks. For a while, we talked about this and that. Barbara brought up the newspaper story about our discovery, and eventually they wanted to know if we had decided about staying in America or going back to Canada.

"We have tentatively decided to split our time between the two," I told them. "Though we're not certain whether we'll stay here a while first, or go there first."

"Will Stanley be able to do police work in Canada?" Barbara asked.

"Mom," Ray said quietly.

"I'm sorry, dear, but I've called you Stanley most of your life..."

"It's doubtful that he could do so officially," I answered her question. "He would likely have to find other work if I were stationed in the city, though if we lived in a more remote location, we could live quite cheaply... depending on which location, of course."

"You're planning to live together, then, not just work together?" said Damian.

"Yeah," said Ray. "Um... whether we go or stay depends on a lot of stuff, and..." He glanced at me and took a deep breath. "One of the things it depends on is how you guys handle what we want to tell you."

This was it. They had a helping of good food in them, and a little wine, but those favorable conditions wouldn't go far. I wanted to help him, but they were his parents. I would have to wait in the wings until he asked for my help.

"What is it?" Barbara asked, looking concerned.

Ray took his mother's hand, but avoided the gaze of both his parents. "I know my life hasn't really gone how you hoped... but what kid does end up with everything their parents wanted for them, right? I'm sure you've heard by now that Stella's with someone else, and it looks like she'll probably marry him."

"Yes, we did." She patted Ray's hand.

"It's her loss," said Damian.

Ray smiled a little. "Maybe, maybe not. I loved Stella... I still love her, I guess. But the whole time, something was wrong. The real loss is all those years we tried to make it work when we just weren't on the same wavelength. But now... now, I've found someone that I know is ready to stick with me, no matter what happens. Someone who loves me and wants to make a new life with me."

"Is she Canadian?" Barbara asked.

Ray hesitated, glancing at me. "...Yes..."

"Is it Benton's sister?" Damian guessed. "You seemed to take a shine to her."

I couldn't help smiling a little, remembering how competitive Ray and I had been for Maggie's attention when we first met her.

"Uh, no," Ray said. He swallowed. "I think the reason I liked Maggie so much was because she was so much like Fraser." He laughed nervously. "Um... no. I'm actually talking about... Fraser."

For a moment, it was so quiet I could hear the refrigerator running as if it were right next to me. Then the confusion became audible.

"What are you saying?" asked Barbara.

"Are you saying you two are..." Damian started. He stared at us. "You're... You think you're in love with him?"

"I'm saying I love him more than anything, and we're planning to stay together... forever."

"Oh, my god..." Damian stood and turned away from us.

"Sweetheart," Barbara said, sounding uncertain.

I left my seat to grip Ray's arm, to give him courage.

"Please, don't be upset, Dad," Ray said. "I know you wanted me to have a nice job, get married and have a picket fence and two and a half kids or whatever, but that's not in the cards for me. Fraser makes me happy. He makes me feel safe and loved. That's good enough for me."

Damian turned back around, an expression of exasperation on his face. "You claim to love him, and you're still calling him by his last name?"

Ray was at a loss for words, so I said, "I don't tend to think of it as a surname; not when he says it, at any rate. All I think of is that he's calling me."

Ray's father turned his eyes on me, and I found it a little difficult to hold his gaze. "Are you going to tell me that you want to give up a normal life—and ask him to give up a normal life—just to run back and forth between here and Canada and call yourselves... boy friends? What the hell are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking that I love your son very much. It isn't anything I expected to find, but that makes it all the more precious to me."

"But it's... insane." He looked at Ray again. "We didn't raise you to think this way..."

"No, you didn't," Ray answered, a little shakily. "I know you meant well, but you never taught me that it would be okay if I didn't fit the mold. You made me feel like shit because I didn't do things the way you wanted me to. When I became a police officer, you left... I didn't see you for years. And I'm scared you're going to do the same thing again. But it didn't stop me before, and it won't stop me now, so please, Dad... For god's sake, please don't waste another six or eight or ten years because you're pissed at me for not fitting your plan."

I could hear the strain in his voice and knew that tears weren't far away. I rubbed his arm to remind him I was there for him.

Barbara was still holding his hand, which gave me some hope. "Benton," she said, "I think we need to talk this over... could you please give us some privacy?"

Thanks to Ray Vecchio's advice, I was ready for this. "All right," I said. I tugged at Ray's arm, and he got up off the sofa.

"You stay, Ray," said Damian.

Ray shook his head. "If you won't say it in front of Fraser, I don't want to hear it."

"We'll just go in the other room," I said. I led Ray around the furniture and to his bedroom, not looking back to see how they reacted. I closed the door behind us.

Ray put his arms around me and his head on my shoulder. "Oh, god," he whispered. "I thought I'd never get sent to my room again..."

I held him tightly and rubbed his back. "Don't give up," I told him softly. "This is only their first reaction. Give them a chance to get used to the idea."

He shuddered. "I won't regret it... no matter what. But I don't want to lose them. You only get one set of parents... you know that better than anyone."

"I know. I had hoped... that I might gain a second set out of this."

He groaned. "Doesn't seem like they're anything much to offer you at this point."

I kissed his head. "Is it all right if I say a prayer?"

"Mhm."

I guided him over to the bed and we sat down. I took his hand and we rested our heads against each other. We could hear his parents talking in low voices.

"Father in heaven," I prayed quietly, "You know all things. You know that we want to do what's right, and we want to cause as little pain to others as we can. We ask that you help Ray's parents to accept our..." I faltered, searching for the right word.

"Partnership," Ray suggested.

"We know it's unusual, and doesn't fit the pattern you gave," I went on, "but you seem to have brought us together for a reason. Please have mercy on us now. Remind Damian and Barbara that they have just one son, and he's theirs to treasure."

I had no intention of eavesdropping, but at that particular moment, I heard Damian's voice exclaim, "...and they've probably been sleeping together!" I winced.

From the way Ray stiffened, I could tell he had also caught the words.

I lifted my head to press a kiss to his forehead before continuing. "We ask this in the name of your Son, who suffered so much to pay the ransom for all sin. Amen."

"Amen," Ray echoed.

"Do you want to add anything?" I asked.

"Nah... if he didn't listen to you, he sure as hell won't listen to me."

I pulled him a little closer and stroked his hand with my thumb while we waited. I wasn't sure how long we'd been in there when someone finally knocked at the door. We looked at each other, tightened our grip on each other's hands, and went to answer it together.

* * *

 _Yeah, emotional cliff-hanger... sorry/not sorry.  
_


	11. Proper Preparation

_Didn't make you wait too long hanging off that cliff, I hope._

 _Thanks for the comments, Mairead (and your RayK). It means a lot to get a little support, especially since you're not even slash enthusiasts._

 _ **Disclaimer** : Please pardon all the harping on sex ed in this chapter. I just get tired of being expected to believe that characters can have sex all over the place with no research and only the odd accidental pregnancy as a consequence. So many fan fics are full of lemons and not a condom in sight (I've probably even written some of the ones I'm criticizing here). So, I guess I'm protesting a little bit. Maybe you're a capable adult who doesn't need the reminder, and if so I apologize for boring you with stuff you subconsciously take as a given. Skim those parts if you want. Skim the whole chapter if you want. Whatever. Just don't get all annoyed. xp_

* * *

Eleven: Proper Preparation

Ray opened the door and we saw both his parents standing in the doorway. I now knew how it felt to be a prey animal at bay. But the feeling lasted only a moment.

"Ray," Damian said, "your mother and I... it's not going to be easy for us to accept this. But you're our son and we love you... We're going to try to make sense of it, somehow."

"We will always love you," Barbara added, putting her hand on Ray's arm.

I felt a little excluded from the conversation, but that was all right—at least they weren't trying to get Ray away from me.

Ray hugged his mother. "I'm sorry this upsets you so much," he said. "That's the last thing I wanted to do..."

"I know, sweetheart."

He let go of Barbara and turned to Damian. "Dad..."

Damian pulled Ray into another hug.

"I love you, Dad," Ray said in a choked voice.

"I know, son."

I smiled. I knew we still had a long way to go, but I silently sent up a prayer of thanks for this small step.

"Let's go back and sit down," Barbara suggested.

We made our way back to the living room and took our seats. This time, I sat on the sofa beside Ray, pulling him close to me to make room for his mother.

"I'm sure you have more questions for us," I said. "Please, feel free to ask them."

"Yeah," said Ray. "I think you'll feel better if you know more."

"I don't quite know what to ask," Damian said. "We never expected him to bring a man home. We never had any practice for the daughter stuff."

"Damian," Barbara scolded quietly.

"I'm just saying... are we supposed to ask how he can provide for him, or what?"

Ray smiled a little. "You don't need to worry about that. Fraser's a hard worker, and even if we didn't have a cent, I think we could just live off the land. Wild game and bark tea, right?"

"Provided we had permission of the landowner, we certainly could," I replied. "But I don't think that's the route we'll take."

"Do you feel that this is the same sort of relationship as husband-wife?" Barbara asked. "Well... husband-husband?"

"I don't know," said Ray. "Maybe. Kind of. We know we can't get married, and that's okay..." He told them about Father Joseph's suggestion of compromise.

"I can understand why he doesn't want it to be a public thing," said Damian. "Especially since the Episcopal church is part of a hierarchy. He could get into some trouble."

"I think he's more worried about people thinking he's a gay marriage activist or something. He still thinks it isn't right, but how's he supposed to explain that if he approves of us?"

"It doesn't make much sense to me, either."

"Well... I don't even know what I believe, but God's approval is important to Fraser, so that's why we want to do this."

"We hadn't planned on any sort of ceremony," I said, "but I'm sure it would mean a lot to both of us if you would be there when we receive the rector's blessing."

Ray looked back at me. "Is that okay?"

"Definitely."

"I want to be there," Barbara decided.

Damian seemed less sure, but he said, "You're right that we missed a lot when we were in Arizona. Talking on the phone isn't the same as being here in person. And no, it's not what we wanted for you, but I don't want to miss any more important moments in your life. So, just tell us when and where. We'll both come."

Ray sighed and smiled happily. "That's great. And you should have Ray there, too," he said, looking at me again.

"You don't mind?"

"No. Heck, invite whoever you want, as long as they fit in the rectory and know to keep their mouths shut."

I kissed his temple—just briefly, to cause his parents as little discomfort as possible.

"Are you planning a... a reception, or a honeymoon, or...?" Barbara asked.

"We didn't plan anything," Ray said. "But we kind of had the honeymoon already, in the Yukon..." He blushed. "But it wasn't like _that_..."

"I guess it's not really our business, anyway," Damian said, staring at the dishes on the coffee table.

"If it helps," I said, "we haven't been much more intimate than you see us here."

"Fraser, he's right—it's none of their business," Ray muttered.

"I'm just trying to ease his worry."

"Yeah, but... once we're... you know... blessed or whatever... well, who knows how far we'll go?" He seemed to be shrinking back into his seat, growing redder by the moment.

"Do you even know what you're getting into?" Barbara asked, sounding worried. "It's not the same, you know."

"Yes, Mom," Ray said through gritted teeth. "I know."

"I just want to make sure you're prepared. You hear stories sometimes that just..." she grimaced.

"I promise we won't rush into anything carelessly," I assured her. "Proper preparation..."

"Don't finish that sentence, Fraser," Ray said urgently.

I cleared my throat. "Anyway... we'll take every precaution."

"Where does one even find that kind of information?" Barbara wondered. "Before his wedding, Ray's father was able to tell him him what he needed to know, but this..."

Damian looked away uncomfortably, and Ray snorted.

"Mom," Ray said, "by the time the wedding rolled around, I'd learned it all on the street. And it's news to me that Dad was supposed to give me the talk."

"Well, I tried," Damian said defensively. "But when I hinted at it, he said he was fine—knew what he needed to know. I didn't ask how he knew."

"Ohhh..." Barbara put her head in her hands. "I'm sorry, sweetie."

"Hey, it was okay with me," said Ray. "I never wanted to talk about that stuff with either of you. Still don't."

"But you're supposed to learn it from your parents."

"Really, it's fine. And don't go thinking that's the reason this happened, because it's not. Fraser, did your dad give you the talk?"

"I recall him outlining it for me when I was very young, but by the time I began to mature, I had all but forgotten what he'd told me. It was my grandfather who made sure I was informed on the subject when I came of age."

"Your grandfather? Man. Was it awkward?"

"A bit, but on the whole, I was glad to have the information."

"Well, Barbara is right—this isn't something we can even begin to advise you on," said Damian.

"Not to worry," I said. "I can go by the local library tomorrow and begin my research there."

"Oh, my god, are you serious?" Ray said, covering his face with his hands. "Please, don't go up to a librarian and ask for books about this."

"I'm well-acquainted with the Dewey decimal system. I'm sure I won't need a librarian's assistance."

"I'm gonna serve the pie," Ray said abruptly, getting up.

"Anyway," Barbara said, "if you decide you want to make some more formal arrangements, please let me know. I know it isn't really a wedding... but it's that important to you, isn't it?"

"I intend to take it just as seriously."

"Good. So, you tell me if you think of anything, and we'll work it out."

"Thank you, that's very kind."

"Just don't go crazy," Ray called. "The rector's house isn't huge."

* * *

By the time we had finished our pie with coffee, a lot of the tension had subsided. I could tell that Damian in particular still didn't seem to like our relationship, but he and Barbara were both trying to make the best of things. Barbara took my hand in both of hers and smiled when she told me good night, and Damian went so far as to shake my hand stiffly.

When the front door closed behind them, Ray and I sat on the sofa and didn't speak for a minute or two. The silence was finally not one of awkward discomfort. It was just emptiness, and that was a welcome change.

Ray leaned his head on my shoulder and sighed a long sigh. "I'm so glad I didn't try to tell them by myself," he murmured. "You were great."

"I didn't do much."

"No, but you stayed calm. That helped a lot. And you took me with you when Mom asked you to leave. That was good."

"That was Ray's idea, as you may recall."

"Yeah. We'll have to thank him. If they'd gotten me alone, they'd have started manipulating me, and if they got in my head, I don't know how things would have gone. They might have made me feel guilty, or scared, or... I don't know. It might have been bad."

"Have your parents manipulated you a lot?"

"Of course. Parents do that. They have their ideas of how you should act, and they try to get you to think a certain way so you'll act that way. It's all a very loving, misguided form of brainwashing."

I wasn't sure how accurate his description was to the average parent, but he did paint a rather disheartening picture. "Well," I said, "they seem to have made a good first step toward accepting us."

"Yeah... I hope they don't change their minds."

"That seems unlikely. So, shall we clean up?"

"Can we leave it for tomorrow? I'm tired."

"Promise we'll get it done after breakfast?"

He nodded.

"All right. Go ahead and get ready for bed. I'll just put the food away."

* * *

I joined him in the bedroom a few minutes later. We had both opted to sleep in shorts and undershirts since returning to Chicago. After the extreme cold of King William Island, a heated apartment was like the tropics.

I lay on my side with his head nestled against my shoulder. When I leaned over to kiss him, he kissed me back affectionately, but he didn't seem very energetic.

"You are tired," I observed.

"Yeah, sorry."

"It's fine." I put my hand over his heart and rubbed his chest lightly. "We're going to have a lot of time together."

"Mhm. Truth be told, though... I'm glad we're waiting. Because after that stuff my mom said, she's got me a little nervous. You really going to the library tomorrow?"

"I intend to."

"Okay. Guess she got in my head a little after all," he said with a small laugh.

"I'm sure there's nothing to worry about."

"And waiting is supposed to make it more special, right? I mean, not that either of us is a virgin..."

"I think it will." I kissed his cheek. "Are you too sleepy to hear about Jack and Victor searching for the captive Sally?"

He laughed breathily. "Probably. You can tell me while we're doing the dishes tomorrow."

"I'll plan on it." I closed my eyes and concentrated on his breathing, his heartbeat and his smell. "I love you, Ray."

"I love you, too. Oh... hey, do you want me to call you something besides Fraser? I know you said you don't care, but... it does seem kinda weird, now that I think about it."

"My father always called me Benton, but my mother and grandmother sometimes used Ben," I recalled. "As did a few of my friends."

"Ben, huh? Benton. Yeah, Benton doesn't exactly roll off the tongue. I might be able to get used to Ben. Is Ray the only one who calls you Benny?"

"I believe so, yes."

"I'll try to leave that alone, then." He kissed my shoulder. "Maybe I'll just make something up."

I smiled. "I can't imagine what you'll come up with..."

"Ha, nothing too weird. I might just stick with Ben. We'll see." He yawned. "Well, good night."

"Good night, love."

When he put his hand over mine, I took that to mean he didn't object to my use of a term of endearment.

* * *

The next day, Ray helped me with the cleaning up as he had promised. Dief had cleaned out all the dishes left on the coffee table during the night, and that made it go a little more quickly. It also necessitated taking him out for a walk sooner than I might have otherwise. While we took care of our domestic chores, I described the search for Sally in Despair's castle, going into more detail than usual, since I wasn't worried about Ray falling asleep. I gave the characters a harrowing chase scene with a giant cat before they ended up in giantess Vanity's quarters.

After Dief's walk, I left off the telling of the tale, and Ray suggested that he drop me off at the library.

"I was thinking of going to the precinct while you're there," he said. "Since Mom and Dad seem like they're going to keep speaking to us and everything, I'm thinking we'll stay in Chicago a while, right?"

I nodded. "That's all right with me. You can tell Lieutenant Welsh that you can return to work on a temporary basis."

"Okay. I also think... I should probably tell him about us. I don't want to have to try to hide it from my boss, and I think it's just better if he hears it from me, you know? If it's going to make a difference to my job, I want to know now."

"Do you want me to go with you?"

"No, this one I think I can handle on my own. Thanks, though." He handed his cell phone to me. "You carry that, and I'll call you when I've talked to him."

"Ray, I'll be in a library."

"Well, you can adjust the volume, see?" He showed me.

"All right, but you may have to let it ring for some time, because I'll want to get outside before I take your call."

He smiled and put his arm around me. "Whatever you say. Give me a kiss here, okay?"

I obliged, knowing he wouldn't want to kiss in front of the library.

"Okay, let's rock an' roll."

We left a rather disappointed Dief behind in the apartment and went down to Ray's car.

* * *

Less than an hour later, Ray's cell phone rang and I hurried out of the library under a hail of dirty looks. He had adjusted the volume, but it still wasn't silent, and in such a quiet place, it seemed unnaturally loud.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Fraser... Ben." Ray laughed. "Sorry, not used to that yet. I, um... I told Welsh."

"How did he take it?" I asked, sitting on the steps in front of the library.

"Eh... okay. He said if we don't want to tell anyone else, he won't spill the beans, but if we do, he'll try to keep us from getting lynched."

"Hm." I leaned forward on my knees. "He thinks your colleagues would be hostile, then?"

"Even if they're not, it could cause some problems I didn't think about. If I get a reputation for liking men, lawyers could start claiming I acted inappropriately toward their clients. It might make me look bad to unsympathetic juries... he even said the guys here might not like seeing me in the restroom. It's just a lot of stuff..."

"So, you want to keep it a secret?"

He sighed. "Not really, but... I don't know."

"All right. We'll take some time and talk about it some more when we're together."

"Okay. Did you find out anything useful? Don't go into detail..."

"A little bit," I said, "but information is rather difficult to come by. However, I did find something on a bulletin board which suggests I might find more information at a clinic on the other side of town..."

"Oh, I've seen those things... those warnings about AIDS and crap..."

"I don't see any point in dismissing such warnings, unless you're already well-informed on the subject."

"Well... uh... okay, you have a point. I'll come pick you up and we'll go to the damn clinic."

I guessed that Ray's sour mood was caused by the unpleasant situation Welsh had predicted, along with his reluctance to talk about sexual matters. I wasn't keen to discuss them myself, but it seemed prudent to get it out of the way.

I checked out a couple of books on sexuality in general, and when Ray saw them on my joining him in the GTO, he was quick to voice an opinion.

"Those are about regular sex, Fraser. We don't need those."

"I think there is plenty of useful information in here. Much of the process is bound to be similar. After all, you don't kiss me differently from the way you would kiss a woman, do you?"

"I don't know... but if I did, I wouldn't need a book to tell me why."

"Well, you needn't read them if you don't want to."

I gave him the address of the clinic, and after only one wrong turn and one missed turn, we managed to find it.

"I'll wait in the car," Ray declared.

"You're not afraid of hospitals, are you?"

"No, I'm not afraid of hospitals. I've been in them with you. You know me better than that. I just don't want to go into a clinic looking for information on gay sex with another guy."

"Why not?"

"I'm afraid people will get the right impression."

I smiled. "Very well. Then I'll refrain from kissing you until we get home." I got out of the car and went inside.

I was quite proud of myself for getting the information I needed without either lying or giving people "the right impression," as Ray put it. I vaguely told someone that I was looking for reading material for people ignorant on the subject of same-sex relationships. When asked if I were a teacher, I replied that I was a Mountie, and no more was asked about my reasons. I returned to the car with several promising-looking pamphlets.

"Oh, this looks like a fun read," Ray said in such a tone that even I couldn't miss the sarcasm.

"It's better to be over-prepared than under-prepared," I said.

"I know... I just..."

"Of course, we don't _have_ to take things further, if you don't want to."

He backed out of our parking space and pulled out into traffic before answering. "I think I do want to. I just wish we didn't have to go through all this awkward shit to get there."

"So thought many a teenager before falling pregnant," I muttered under my breath.

"I heard that. You think I'm being childish?"

"Not childish... But perhaps a bit less than mature."

He looked annoyed for a moment. Then he sighed. "I know you're right. But at least getting pregnant is one thing we _don't_ have to worry about. Ironically."

"You want children."

"Mhm." He glanced at me. "Do you?"

I tried to picture taking a son or daughter to school. Playing catch with them. Teaching them to track game. Sending them to their room for misbehavior. Assigning them chores... It seemed like a lot of commitment. I tried to imagine coming to the end of a long, full life with Ray and telling him I didn't regret not raising a child with him. Even harder than that, I tried to picture Ray telling me the same.

"I think I do," I said slowly. "But not right away."

"We're in our thirties... we can't wait too long."

"We could if we didn't adopt an infant."

"We wouldn't necessarily have to adopt. We might be able to find a surrogate mother."

"We would also have to find out a lot about whether we would be _allowed_ to raise a child together."

"Oh, yeah... damn. I think it's legal... at least, I've heard about gay couples adopting each other's biological kids... But even if we can't, some states will let single people adopt, right? I guess by the time we got all that figured out, maybe you'd be ready," he said with a small smile.

"Maybe." I decided not to ask why he assumed we would adopt a child in America and not in Canada.

* * *

 _More soon. Thanks for reading!  
_

 _FYI, I'm not planning to keep this story going long enough to see them raising a kid. Maybe later I can do a sequel, but... no promises. I have too many examples of losing interest in a story and moving on to other fandoms.  
_


	12. Required Reading

_More education in this one, but I think we're mostly done with it after this. xp  
_

 _Hope you enjoy the new developments._

* * *

Twelve: Required Reading

We ate leftover cottage pie for lunch, and talked more about Ray's work situation.

"I guess it wouldn't be so bad if I had to work with people I didn't know," Ray said, "but the thought of the duck brothers getting wind of us really turns my stomach."

"You mightn't feel that way if you had attempted some level of camaraderie with them in the past," I pointed out.

"Well, I might have, if Dewey weren't such an ass. Jack's not so bad. He'd probably be a decent guy on his own."

"I think he _is_ a decent sort," I said. "But I've known him longer than you have."

"Stuff rolls off you... you don't react to jabs, and eventually people get around to liking you. Me, I can't help myself. I'm like a match—friction sets me off."

"On the whole, Jack seems to respect you."

"I guess... maybe if I could tell him about it first, it might be a good test."

"Perhaps."

"So, what do you think about this whole idea of a ceremony?" Ray asked.

"I'm not sure. I like the idea of doing more to make the day significant. Speaking of which, I need to call Ray and let him know he can come."

"Yeah. I think my mom will have lots of ideas, but I guess I should get her in touch with Father Joseph, to make sure she doesn't plan anything too big."

"Alternatively, we could keep it small and private and then have a larger reception elsewhere."

"Yeah, that might be better."

Having finished eating, I began gathering up my dirty dishes. "Are you done?" I asked.

"Yeah, thanks."

I took his dishes and carried them with mine around to the sink. "Now, would you like to read to me while I wash some dishes, or do the washing while I read?"

"Mm... Are you sure we can't just have another installment of Jack, the Beanstalk And Friends?"

"The sooner we start this, the sooner we'll be done with it."

"Yeah, I know. I guess I'll wash. You read. And feel free to read silently whenever there's stuff I don't _absolutely_ need to know."

So, while Ray washed dishes, I delved into the pamphlets. They covered a lot of information for their size. Ray kept his eyes on his work the entire time, even when asking a few questions for clarification.

"I don't know about all that," he said at one point. "It sounds kind of dangerous... and painful. And, to be honest, a little gross."

"That's why we're reading about it. It doesn't mean we have to _do_ it. And when my father first told me about sex with the opposite gender, I found that distasteful as well. I suspect it takes getting used to."

"Well... maybe."

"We can take all the time in the world to decide whether we actually want to try these things."

"Okay."

Some time later, he spoke up again. "I knew condoms protected you from STD's, but I never really thought about getting them other ways... But I'm clean and you're clean, so we should be fine, right?"

"Some of them take a long time to surface."

"How long? 'Cause I haven't gotten laid in a _long_ time."

"How long do you consider 'long'?" I asked, suspecting it hadn't been as long for him as it had for me.

"Like... six months is a long time."

"I see." He hadn't said that it _had been_ six months; only that he considered that a long time.

"What do you mean, 'I see'? Why, what's the longest you've gone without since your first time?"

"I don't know," I said, not even trying to remember.

"I know you're not a player, and that's cool. I don't consider myself one, either, but... I feel like it probably isn't as big a craving for you as it is for most guys. Am I wrong?"

I shrugged. "I don't tend to make such comparisons, so I wouldn't know."

He leaned on the counter. "You're making me feel like a slut."

"That's not my intention."

"I know." He laughed. "It's my own fault. I'm the one prying here. I'm sorry."

"The important thing," I said, putting my arm around his shoulders, "is that we stick together from now on. We'll have some tests done to make sure we won't pass anything harmful to each other, and then we'll be careful to practice common sense and good hygiene."

"Okay. I guess I can handle that."

"And get regular checkups."

He grimaced. "Fine."

I kissed his cheek. "It is for your own good, you know."

"I know."

"And mine."

"Yeah." He turned around and hugged me. "I said I'd do anything for you, and I meant it."

"I appreciate it. Now, how about we move to the sofa?"

"There's more?!"

"Yes, a bit."

He groaned. "Okay... but how about you call Ray before it gets late. That'll give me a little break."

"All right."

* * *

"Hello, Ray."

"Benny! I'm glad you called. I had a great idea."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I'm planning to pop the question this Saturday. I don't know when we'll have the wedding, but probably sooner than later. Anyway, since you guys are having your thing soon, I thought maybe we could do a bachelor party together."

"What—the three of us?"

"I meant you and me, but what the hell? He's letting go of bachelorhood too, I guess. Great idea, right?"

"Uh... I don't know."

"Oh, come on," he said in a wheedling tone I knew all too well. "It'll be fun!"

"What exactly do you have in mind?"

"Nothing too outrageous... you know, no strippers. Just some promiscuous cocktail waitresses..." he chuckled. "No, but seriously. Nothing that'll turn you the color of your uniform. We'll keep it really tame. Like... harmless flirtation at most."

"I know you just want to have a good time, but I don't think it's something we... well, that I would enjoy."

"But you gotta come—you're gonna be my best man. Put Kowalski on. Maybe he can talk some sense into you."

"I really appreciate the offer, Ray, but I don't want a bachelor party."

"Bachelor party?!" exclaimed my Ray, coming out of the bathroom. "Gimme that." He came over and managed to snatch the phone away from me, in spite of my efforts to hold it out of his reach. "Hey, Ray, my man!" he said excitedly into the phone. "What's the plan?"

"Of all the times for them to start hitting it off," I muttered, rolling my eyes.

"Yeah? Uh-huh. Well, yeah, of course."

I shook my head. "Oh, dear."

Ray covered the mouth piece and looked at me. "It's tradition, Fraser. Ben," he corrected himself. "Don't get all uptight." Into the phone he said, "Yeah. I don't know, but we'll see. Anyway, where would we go? Yup. Oh, yeah. Cool. I'll definitely try. You work on him, too." He had the audacity to wink at me.

I shook my head again and looked at Dief. "This will not end well," I told him.

"Okay, I'll give the phone back now. Don't get me in too much trouble, 'kay?" He laughed. "All right. Seeya." He gave the phone back to me.

I took it with a scowl. "We're going to talk, Mister," I warned him. Then I put the phone to my ear again. "Hello?"

"Hey. Your partner is full steam ahead, Fraser. You don't want to disappoint him, do you?"

"Please, don't try to play us against each other already," I said. "We have a lot to endure together as it is."

"Hey, I know that... I'm just teasing you. I mean, I want you to come, but I'm not gonna twist your arm. Oh, I forgot, how'd his parents take it? Did you tell them?"

"Yes, that's one of the reasons I called. They were... less than enthusiastic."

"Aw, that sucks. Was it bad?"

I sat on the sofa. "We gave them time to process it away from us—I have to thank you, by the way, for recommending that we stay together. They wanted me to leave them alone with Ray, but he insisted on staying with me."

"Good. It helped, huh?"

"I think so. It gave us a moment to encourage one another while his parents discussed things between them. In the end, they were willing to attempt coming to terms with it. They even want to be there when Father Joseph gives us his blessing."

"Oh, good. That's really good. They're coming around."

"That's what we're hoping."

"I'm really glad to hear that. I can't imagine what my ma would say if I if I jumped the fence. I know what my old man would say—he'd explode."

"I think mine would, too," I said. "I don't think I ever told you, but even as a ghost he was pushing me to get married and give him grandchildren."

Ray laughed, and behind me, I heard my Ray say, "As a ghost?"

 _Damn. That slipped out._ I'd have some explaining to do later.

"Your ghost-dad still around?"

"No... he... I'll have to tell you about that another time," I said.

"Ray doesn't know," he guessed.

"Exactly."

"You should tell him."

"You think so?"

"If he's gone this far with you, that won't scare him off."

"I suppose you're right."

"About the bachelor party... I won't be mad if you don't come, but I'd really like you to. We can work out the details together if you want. I mean, traditionally the best man throws the party for the groom..."

That changed things. "I could make the arrangements?"

"Well... I don't know if I'd trust you _that_ much," he said with a laugh. "But we'll see. I still have to propose, after all."

"You said Saturday?"

"I think so. If I don't blow things on Friday."

"I wish you luck." I glanced at my Ray and remembered how enthusiastically he had been talking about the bachelor party. I realized that nearly all of the tension between the two Rays seemed to have disappeared. "And... if you're sure that this is what you want to do, you have my blessing, should you still care to have it."

After a short silence, Ray said, "Well, of course I want it, you jackass."

I snorted.

"So, you said there was another reason you called...?"

"Oh, yes. I wanted to tell you that we would be glad to have you witness the rector's blessing as well. It's not the same as a wedding, but as there's no official guidelines for what we're doing, I see no reason not to call you my 'best man.'"

"Yeah, I'd be honored. Who else is going?"

"No one, so far. We may keep it to us and Ray's parents. But we haven't told anyone else yet, except for Lieutenant Welsh—Ray wanted to see whether it would make a difference in his staying on at the twenty-seventh."

"I think maybe you should tell some more people... For instance, if Frannie finds out about this later on, she'll kill me for not telling her."

"You're exaggerating. But I'll discuss it with Ray."

"Okay. I got a lot to plan, and you probably do too, so I'll let you go for now. Keep me posted though, okay? I want to know any developments."

"You sound like we're working on a case."

"Ha. We are. It's a big investigation. And we're both trying to get our man—or woman, in my case."

I smiled. "I'll keep you posted. You do the same. Let me know if you need anything."

"All right. Talk to you later."

I hung up and held my hand out to my Ray. "Ready for a little more reading before bed?"

"What was that about a ghost?" he asked, coming toward me.

 _Damn._ I had hoped to have a little time to decide how to tell him about that. "Ah..." I put my arm around him as he sat beside me. "That's kind of a long story."

"Is it better than 'Fifty Ways To Pass a Nasty Disease To Your Partner'? 'Cause if so, I'm totally up for it."

I shook my head. Ray could have written a pamphlet entitled "Fifty Ways To Complain Indirectly." "I suppose... I can tell you," I said hesitantly. "It's something I neglected to tell you during the time you've known me. I thought it was best not to mention it, but Ray thinks I should tell you."

"Oh, no... don't tell me you have the ghost of some dead lover haunting you like... what's it called? That one lit teachers are always raving about... Bronte sister..." He snapped his fingers. "Weathering Heights."

"You mean _Wuthering Heights_?" I asked.

"That's it."

"No, Ray."

"Oh. Well, that's good."

"I don't have any ghost haunting me... anymore. And I'm not sure I would call it a haunting, anyway."

"Okay, tell me what you mean by 'anymore.'"

I told him. All about my father's first appearance, up until he moved on with my mother. Ray asked occasional questions, but didn't have the panicked reaction I had expected, nor a disbelieving one. It took a long while, and it was late when I finished.

"I've never seen a ghost," he said when I had been silent a while. By this time, he was slouched against me, head on my shoulder.

"You're not missing much," I said dryly.

"Wish I could have met your dad, though."

"Only people who had a very strong connection to him could see him. Good or bad. Muldoon could see him, as could Superintendent Gerard, Buck Frobisher, and Maggie."

"Not Ray?"

"No... Ray never met him."

"And your mom... was she around much?"

"No. I only saw her briefly, at the end."

"That sucks."

"Well... I was glad to see her at all. I hadn't in almost thirty years."

"Man."

"You're taking all this very calmly."

"Maybe I'm in shock," he said, grinning up at me. "I don't know. I know you're not lying, and if Ray thought you should tell me about this, then it seems like he doesn't think it's a concern... that, or he thinks you're nuts and thought it would be only fair for me to know before things went any further." He snickered.

"Glad you find it amusing. I did wonder for a while whether I were insane."

"You're not insane." He kissed my neck. "You're out there, but you're not insane."

I laid my cheek down in his spiky hair. It didn't feel as prickly as it looked. "Thank you for listening. I've wanted to tell you, but always talked myself out of it."

"It's okay. I'm glad you told me now." He checked his watch and then took my hand. "It's late. Can the rest of the required reading wait until tomorrow?"

"Yes."

As we settled into bed, Ray asked, "Hey, what was her name... your mom?"

"Caroline," I answered.

"That sounds like a mom-name."

I smiled. "Mhm. I'm sure she'd have liked you." I kissed him lightly. "Good night."

"Good night... Ben."

He was trying to get used to my first name, and I wasn't used to hearing it these days, but I liked hearing it from him. As I closed my eyes, I had a strange feeling like my mother was nearby. I was soon asleep and remained peacefully so until the sun was high the next morning.

* * *

"Wait, wait... that happens? Ugh!"

Ray was reacting to the latest piece of new information I had read to him after breakfast. He had already expressed his appreciation that I waited until we were done eating to bring it up.

"It _sometimes_ happens," I corrected. "It's not a certainty. And it's over time."

"I don't care. That settles it—I'm never trying that."

"But it says here that there are exercises you can do to help prevent that from happening. Look."

He kept his eyes on his empty plate. "I don't wanna look."

"There are no pictures. It's just words. Look."

He grudgingly took the pamphlet from me, saying "Even so, it's just not worth it..." He read a little and grimaced. "This isn't my idea of a good time working out with your partner. Do you actually want to do this?"

"Not particularly, but I'd rather you didn't make up your mind without even asking for my opinion."

He sighed. "Okay. I'm sorry. What's your opinion?"

"It seems to me that if we wanted to do this, we would need to put a lot of effort into it in order to be safe and remain healthy. We would both have to be completely committed to it. If it's not worth it to you, then I understand..."

"Is it worth it to you?"

"I don't know. I'm not sure I could know without trying. But it isn't important to me that we do try, and I certainly don't want to put pressure on you to do something you're not comfortable doing."

"Are you going to resent me for holding back?"

"No," I said immediately.

"I never thought I'd be the one holding back," he said, putting the pamphlet down on the bar and smiling slightly. "I thought, 'It'll be weird at first, but I'll get used to it.' But I never thought... jeez."

"Well, I'm very glad we did this research."

"Yeah... now I get why people in the medical field are trying so hard to spread awareness... I had no idea."

I picked up the pamphlet. "I think I will try these exercises, though. They can improve other aspects as well, and they can help prevent incontinence later in life."

He put his arms on the bar and rested his head on them. "Well... I don't wanna be an incontinent old man. I guess I can try them, too."

I smiled and put an arm over his shoulders. "Thank you. You won't regret it."

"I know..."

His phone rang and he picked it up. "Kowalski. Oh, hi. Yeah." He turned to me. "It's for you."

I took the phone and heard Ray Vecchio's voice. "Oh, hello again."

"I wanted to let you know Buck Frobisher just called me with some news. They cross-referenced violent crimes and disappearances with times the cabin was leased for an extended stay. Then they started testing DNA against people involved, and guess what they found."

"I can't guess."

"This is where you normally tell me what I'm about to say."

"I haven't been working the case, Ray. I may be astute, but I'm not psychic."

"Well, it matched a murder victim from almost a year ago. They already convicted a guy for committing the murder because the body was found almost in his back yard, and they had a rocky history, but if he was killed at the outpost and then moved there, that practically puts the con in the clear."

"That's remarkable. Do they have a new suspect?"

"They're working on it. All the formalities are gonna take time, but you may be getting an innocent man out of prison."

"If he is innocent, then I certainly hope that's what happens. Thank you for telling me."

When we finished talking, I related the news to my Ray.

"Cool," he said, smiling. "Maybe we'll be in the paper again. Hey... does Canada have the death penalty?"

"No, not since the sixties."

"Well, that's good, if our guy is innocent. Still, he lost a year of his life in prison... guess that's not so bad in the great scheme of things."

"No, not so bad. I think I'll call Father Joseph now, if you don't mind. I'll see when we can go talk to him, and then we can discuss how much of a ceremony he's willing to give us."

"Okay. Then I should go to the precinct. Want me to drop you anywhere?"

"Yes. I'd like you to take me to the consulate so I can tell Inspector Graham that I can remain under his command for a time. I imagine he'll put me to work right away. And, I forgot to ask you before—do you mind if Francesca knows about us?"

"Um... I guess not, but she might blab it to someone else."

"I don't think she will, if we impress upon her that it's important not to."

"Okay. Come to the precinct when you're done at the consulate and we can tell her and go home from there. Mind if I tell Jack if I get a good chance?"

"Not at all." I hoped and prayed that our friends would handle the news well.

* * *

 _Thanks for reading. Constructive feedback is still welcome.  
_


	13. Motherly Concerns

_Surprise in this chapter... in case anyone's reading. lol Hope you like it.  
_

* * *

Thirteen: Motherly Concerns

When I went into Inspector Graham's office, he stood and greeted me with a smile. "Congratulations, Fraser."

"Sir?" I asked, confused.

He held up a newspaper, and I saw the headline: "Long-Lost Explorer Discovered." "I've just heard from Ottawa, and we're making arrangements for a formal promotion ceremony. You're a staff sergeant now."

Even though he had already told me it was likely, I still felt surprised. I had surpassed my father's rank, and I was still much younger than he had been at his death. "Thank you, sir... I'm deeply honored. There's no need for formalities, though..."

"Nonsense. It will be good for diplomacy. I'll need you to help me construct a guest list."

"Very well. I came to tell you that I am planning to stay in Chicago for some time—probably six months to a year. I'd be glad to assist you here during that time."

"Excellent. Glad to have you. That will give you plenty of time to get Michaels well acquainted with the city and his duties."

"Indeed."

I agreed to show Michaels around a bit that day, and Diefenbaker and I took him to a few establishments that were within walking distance. He told me where he had found living quarters, and I was able to offer him a bit of background on the neighborhood. I was surprised, myself, at how much I had learned about Chicago in my time there.

Over lunch, I gave him some enlightening statistics about law enforcement, other emergency services, living conditions and the social climate of the city. He asked good questions and seemed attentive. I couldn't help but find him a refreshing change from Constable Turnbull, who had been apt to misunderstand or read too much into nearly everything I said.

When we returned to the consulate, I called Ray from my old office (Graham had been quick to tell me I could use it again) to see how his day was going.

"I got a chance to talk to Jack," Ray said, lowering his voice a bit. "He took it okay... better than I was afraid he would, anyway. He doesn't seem thrilled, but he's in our corner, I think."

"Good."

"Guess he knows what it's like to be the odd man out."

"He does?"

"...He's the only black detective in our division."

"Ah. I see."

"Anyway... come by around five, okay?"

"I will." I glanced at the half-open door to be sure no one was within hearing. "I love you."

"You, too."

I prayed for the day when we wouldn't have to be careful anymore. I could live with it, but it was far from ideal.

* * *

Francesca seemed pleased when I asked her if she would like to get some dinner with me and Ray before going home for the evening.

"It's not a date," Ray commented.

"I didn't think it was," she said, narrowing her eyes at him. "Why would I go on a date with the _two_ of you? That would be creepy."

I got into the back of the GTO with Dief so Francesca could sit in the front, but she tried to get into the back with us. "I think you'll be more comfortable up front," I told her.

After a moment's consideration, she relented and took the front seat. "Where are we going?"

Ray named a restaurant. "That okay?"

"They have a salad bar, right?"

"Uh..."

"You can order a salad," I said. "And they let you request that certain things be added or left out to your liking."

"Good enough," she said. "Let's go."

The evening was mild, so we sat at an outdoor table, much to Dief's satisfaction. We kept the conversation light until the food arrived and Francesca seemed content with her order.

"This is a nice place," she declared. "We should do this more often."

"We would like that," I said, ignoring Ray's widening of the eyes that said, _"We would?"_ "I asked you to join us tonight because we want to tell you something."

She took a sip of her water with lemon and set her glass down with a laugh. "Oh, don't tell me. You're engaged!" She laughed again. "The two of you are gonna tie the knot..." She slapped her leg.

Ray smirked for a moment and then burst out in a laugh of his own. "That's hilarious. Fraser, she's almost got it."

Francesca's laughter subsided to an awkward grin. "What are you talking about?"

"Well," I said, "two men can't get _married_ in the United States—or Canada, for that matter—but we intend to make a commitment to each other in front of witnesses."

Like her brother had, she looked back and forth between us. "You're not joking?"

Ray reached across the table and I took his hand. "No, we're not," he said.

She stared at our hands. "Kiss him," she said to Ray.

"Uh..." He looked around uncomfortably. "We're out in the open here, Frannie..."

"Oh, for god's sakes, if anyone looks cross-ways at you, I'll belt 'em myself. I need proof."

Ray looked at me questioningly. When I nodded, he leaned over and I met him in a conservative kiss.

"Satisfied?" he asked.

She nodded, mouth open. Then she said, "Actually, no. Do it again."

"Oh, god," Ray growled.

"I'm sorry, that was just, um..." She picked up her napkin and fanned her face. "It's really warm out, huh?"

"I know it's surprising," I said, "but over the last few weeks, we've come to realize that we want to stay together for the rest of our lives, and that we're not interested in pursuing romantic relationships with anyone else."

"Wow."

"You understand?"

"Yup. Well, no... but..." She nodded again. "Does Ray know about this? My brother, I mean?"

"Yes, we told him a couple of days ago."

"Wow, he's been keeping _that_ to himself."

"He's actually the one who thought we should tell you. He said you would be disappointed if you found out later on."

"Got that right." She poked at her salad.

"Are you upset?" Ray asked.

She shrugged. "I dunno." She looked at each of us and then back at her salad. "I'm trying to wrap my head around it. Who else knows?"

"My parents and Welsh, and I just told Jack today."

"Man. With news like that, I'd have expected to hear something by now... at least a rumor."

"Everyone we've told has understood that rumors are potentially very harmful to us, and that we want to tell people on our own terms," I explained. "I hope we can count on you to keep our secret for now."

"Yeah, sure... but you better tell Ma."

"Your mother?"

"Yeah. She's come to see this guy as another son." She tilted her head toward Ray. "She's gonna want to know."

"Won't it freak her out?" asked Ray. "She's one of the most Catholic out of all of you."

"Maybe, but it'll freak her out way more if she finds out after the fact. She'll probably tell you you're throwing your life away, and then wish you all the happiness in the world."

Ray smiled a little. "Yeah... that sounds like her."

"So, you're not having a 'wedding,' but what are you doing?"

"Probably just a little private ceremony in a priest's home."

"You found a priest to do that?"

We again explained the situation.

"Well, I have the best idea," she said, smiling.

I hoped her "best idea" wasn't like the "best idea" her brother had had, about the bachelor party.

"You can have your little ceremony with just a few people, and then come back to our house for a reception. We'll have a buffet and dancing... it'll be really fun."

I looked at Ray and he shrugged. "If you think your mother will be happy doing that," I said, "then I suppose we can consider it."

"Great! When's the date?"

"We're going to see Father Joseph again tomorrow. We'll discuss dates with him then."

"Okay, good. Let me tell Ma for you. She'll do better hearing it from me."

"You'll make sure she won't tell anyone else?" Ray asked.

"I don't think she would anyway, but yeah." She started eating again with a smile. After a minute, she shook her head. "You guys are nuts."

"We know."

* * *

That night, I got Jack and Victor as far as finding a way to release Sally from her cage and beginning the perilous journey back to the room where Kristoff was still a prisoner. I told how Victor was struck by Sally's charm and good looks, and began to develop feelings for her, much to Ray's amusement.

The next day, we went to the rectory and saw Father Joseph. He said he didn't mind if we made a small ceremony out of things, as long as he knew what to expect. Ray gave him his mother's phone number and got permission to give her his. We also discussed possible dates. We decided to put the ceremony off at least another two weeks, to make sure we could arrange everything, but it might be as much as a couple of months.

We were on our way to the consulate when Ray got a call on his cell phone. From the way he spoke, I gathered that the person on the other end was rather upset.

"I know... yeah... But—Yes, but..." He sighed. "Okay, I understand, it's just..." He bit his lip and listened some more. "Yes, he's right here," he said at last, handing the phone to me.

"Hello?"

"Fraser?"

"Mrs. Vecchio?"

"Just what do you think you're doing?" she demanded. "I thought you at least had more sense than this."

"Than what?" I asked guardedly.

"Than to take up with another man," she hissed. "I welcomed you into my home, treated you like family..."

"Mrs. Vecchio, I..."

"Then along comes Ray, like another son to me, and the two of you become like brothers... this is not what brothers do, Fraser."

"I'm aware of that, but..."

"How can you defend what you are doing?"

"I truly believe that—"

"Don't you realize the pain you're causing? The hearts you will break? He has his own mother to think of, too."

"We've told Ray's parents, and—"

"The shame of it! You'll live in disgrace. You'll never be able to hold your heads up..."

I gave up trying to break in and just listened to her admonishments while Ray parked the GTO in front of the consulate. Eventually, her tirade gave way to sorrowful resignation.

"...but if you insist on doing it, at least let the people who care about you be there. Don't run off in the night back to Canada or wherever. At least have a reception at the house where we can share this without fear of strangers judging us. I only pray you don't bring your shame down on our house, after all we've done for you."

"We wouldn't want to do that," I said sincerely. "I hope we can see you soon, and explain things more clearly to you. Both Ray and I think a lot of you, and we would like to ease your worries."

"I'm not sure that's possible in this case, but if you wanna come by for dinner, we'll be sitting down at seven."

I blinked in surprise and then looked over at Ray. "Can we go to the Vecchio house for dinner?" I asked him.

"Uh... sure," he said, looking equally surprised.

"Thank you, we'd be glad to come," I said into the phone.

"Okay. Just make sure you don't mention your... involvement around the little ones."

"No, ma'am... I'll tell Ray, too."

"All right, then we'll see you this evening." And she hung up.

I gave Ray his phone.

"Tell me what?" he asked.

"We're not to bring up our relationship in front of Maria's children," I related.

"O...kay... Man, I can't believe she invited us to dinner. She was chewing you out for like five solid minutes."

"But she does want us to have a reception there. Just about what Francesca predicted."

"Ha, yeah. She knows her mother well."

* * *

When we sat down at the Vecchios' table that night, Francesca informed me that her brother had taken Stella dancing that evening.

"So, they're trying contra?" Ray asked.

"I think that's what he said," she answered. "If things keep going well, he'll propose soon."

Mrs. Vecchio came to the table then and set a serving dish between me and Ray, saying to him, "I made the risotto you like so much."

Ray looked touched. "Thanks, Ma."

"Just make sure you eat up. You're too skinny." She moved away to take care of something else.

I smiled at him. It seemed that his surrogate mother didn't plan to hold back her motherly tendencies toward him, in spite of the "disgrace" we were in.

"Told you it would be okay," Francesca said. She chuckled. "I heard her talking to you guys on the phone... boy, she really let you have it. But I knew she'd come around."

"We're very glad you were right," I said.

"I think I'm going to have to tell more people at work," Ray said, serving himself some risotto. "If nothing else, they're going to notice that I'm not trying to score dates with any of the women at the precinct."

"Yeah, your constant pleas to them have been conspicuously absent since you got back," Francesca said dryly.

He glared at her a moment. "And they might think it's a little weird that Fraser and I leave together almost every night."

"Eh, Ray used to do that most nights. They'd get supper and then Ray would drop him off. Or Fraser would come here for supper sometimes. They won't think it's too weird."

"Maybe not. I guess I'd just rather get ahead of it and let the cat out of the bag myself, you know?"

"I guess. I'd tell just one or two people at a time though, like you've been doing. Divide and conquer."

I agreed. "I'm planning to tell Inspector Graham after my promotion ceremony."

"Promotion ceremony? When is that?"

"A week from tomorrow. Graham told me today. There will be a dinner, a few speeches... it's really nothing."

"Nothing!" she exclaimed. "Well, I hope you're planning to invite me to this 'nothing' party of yours."

"It's not a party per se..."

"She can go, can't she, Ben?" Ray interrupted me.

"Well, yes. I s'pose so."

"Ben?" she asked, raising an eyebrow in Ray's direction.

"Well, I'm not going to call him 'Fraze' or whatever, like you do..." he muttered.

"No, no. I think it's _cute."_

He sighed. "Ix-nay on the ute-kay. We're not supposed to let the kiddos know about this whole thing, you know?"

As if on cue, one of the children nearest us called down the table, "Uncle Ray? Whatcha talking about?"

"None of your beeswax," he retorted.

* * *

Back at the apartment, Ray and I settled into bed. I was about to see if he wanted me to resume the fairy tale narrative when he asked, "Ben, is this weird?"

"What?" I asked.

"That we're planning to have kind of a wedding-ish thingy, but we're already living together and sleeping together..."

"I suppose it depends on what you mean by weird. I think it's common practice these days. Though, not very common to sleep together without becoming a bit more intimate than we have."

"Yeah... that's kind of ironic, because Stella and I did it before we got married, but we didn't live together until after the wedding. Um... sorry. I probably shouldn't be comparing stuff like that."

"It's all right," I said, kissing his temple. "I don't mind, as long as you're not using it as a platform for criticism."

"I won't." He nestled closer to me. "You've been amazing, every step. Have I ever told you that before—that you're amazing?"

"Not that I recall. In fact, as far as I can remember, no one has."

"Hm. Everyone else must have some kinda deficiency somewhere... 'cause it's obvious to me."

I smiled. "Perhaps it's merely a delusion on your part."

"Ha. No, I don't think so. But... I am in love with you, so there's a slight possibility that I'm biased."

I pushed myself up on one elbow so I could lean over to kiss his mouth. He put his hand to the back of my neck and kissed back, slipping his tongue between my lips. I responded on the offense, working my tongue over his and into his mouth.

When we came apart to catch our breath a little later, he said, "I think if we're going to make it until our ceremony, we'd better quit before we get carried away."

I knew he was right, so I settled back down beside him, resting my hand over his heart as had become my habit. "Shall I distract you with news from the beanstalk?" I asked.

"Sure," he said, putting his hand over mine.

"Well, as you know, Jack and Victor had been leading Sally back down through Despair's crooked castle. They were fortunate enough to avoid the giant, his cook and his fiancé, but they did run into the cat again. Victor had acquired a giant's sewing needle, and he attempted to fend the cat off with that, while Jack hurried into the room behind him with Sally. They found that it was a bathroom, and they were able to gather up some Epsom salts, which they planned to throw into the cat's eyes."

"Wow, poor cat," Ray commented. "I mean, I know it's trying to kill them, but still."

As I had found myself doing before, I tailored my story to Ray's reactions. "However, when Jack rushed forward to complete his plan, Victor didn't see him coming. He thrust forward with his needle and stabbed his friend by accident."

"Oh, jeez."

"When she witnessed the accident, Sally screamed, causing the cat to run away in a fright."

"Ha! That's all it took?"

"Dismayed at his mistake, Victor helped Sally bandage Jack's wound, and they supported him as he weakly continued the journey with them."

"Where was he stabbed?"

"I don't know... arm, leg, somewhere not vital."

"Right. That's how we know it's a fairy tale."

"We know it's a fairy tale because they're up a magic beanstalk." I kissed his cheek. "Time to sleep."

"Okay. Good night, Ben."

"Good night, love."

I had a lot on my mind that night, and I still felt wide awake after Ray fell asleep. I finally decided to see if my grandmother's remedy of warm, sweetened milk would make me sleepy.

I got out of bed carefully, not wanting to wake my partner. Once I got through the bedroom door, I closed it halfway and followed the light from the kitchen area, which we had apparently left on.

I halted when I came in full view of the bar. A woman was seated on one of the stools. I was perplexed. I took a hesitant step closer. She had long, auburn hair, she was thin, and though she was seated, I guessed she was roughly a head shorter than me. She was dressed in warm clothing. "Hello," I said softly, staring, fascinated to see what she would do or say.

She turned toward me with a soft smile on her thin lips. "Hello, Ben."

I took in a breath sharply. "...Mom?"

She stood up. "Yes, it's me."

I gawked for a moment. "I... am I awake?" I asked.

"You look like you are."

I laughed and walked over to join her. Up close, I could see that she was just as I remembered her from the mine, other than the fact that she was wearing a different outfit. "This isn't a dream, then?"

"I certainly hope not. Your father said you might not believe I was really here."

"Whether it's real or not, I'm glad to see you. How is Dad?"

"Oh... as far as his soul is concerned, he's well."

"What else... is there?" I asked, bemused.

"His emotions are at an unprecedented level of disgruntlement."

"Ah... is this because of me and Ray?"

"Sit down, Ben."

I pulled myself onto a stool and quickly looked at her again, afraid she would disappear if I took my eyes off her for more than a moment.

* * *

 _I was thinking about bringing Fraser Sr. back, and then I got a better idea. xD Hope you enjoyed the read.  
_


	14. Proposal

_Here's another one. Have fun.  
_

* * *

Fourteen: Proposal

"Why didn't I see you before we found Muldoon?" I asked, even though I knew I should wait for her to tell me what she chose in her own time.

She looked pensively to the side. "The real question is, why you saw me at all. And the answer to that is, because your father was with you when he became ready to join me."

"So... if I hadn't been in the mine, if someone else had finally caught Muldoon, you and Dad would have disappeared without a word, and I wouldn't know what had happened?"

"I don't know the answer to all of life's possibilities, just because I've been dead for some time."

"All right; then, why are you here now? Why did you wait until now?"

"Because this is the first time I felt that you needed me."

I couldn't help feeling a little angry at that. "The first time? When you died, I needed you then. Dad needed you. It was like I lost you both."

"You didn't need me. Not like this. It took Robert some time, but he came around."

"Came around and left me."

"Left you with your grandparents. They're the ones you needed at the time, not me."

I didn't quite agree, but I let that go. "And now?"

"Now, you're facing one of the most difficult situations of your life. And I think it's safe to say, it's one your father can't help you with. Certainly not in his current frame of mind."

I frowned in confusion. "But... if you've both... 'passed on,' as they say, you've found heaven, then you must know the will of Providence on such matters as this. Even Dad can't argue with that, can he?" Though, if anyone could get to the pearly gates and take up an argument with his creator, I supposed it would be my father.

But my mother just shook her head. "I'm a departed soul, Ben, not an angel. I was allowed to come back to help you, but not to deliver any messages or information from or about anyone else. I couldn't make an exception if I wanted to."

"You gave me information about Dad... you said he was disgruntled."

"That's different."

"How?"

"I can't explain."

I was feeling a jarring collision of sadness, anger and confusion, and I found the emotional strain exhausting. I slid my hand down the bar toward her and then stopped, realizing it was pointless. "I wish I could touch you," I said.

She smiled and reached toward me, putting her hand over mine.

To my surprise, I thought I could feel something. It was warmth and just the lightest of touches. Barely there. The most solid connection I'd had with my father's ghost was when he handed me his imaginary gun. I felt my eyes tearing up suddenly.

"I guess I figured my hand would go through you," I said, smiling sheepishly through my tears. "I never really tested it before..."

"Well, that's your father's fault. He probably wouldn't have let you try."

Being reminded of my father's stiff, formal manner reminded me of what she'd said earlier in the conversation. "I did need you," I said, feeling my throat tighten. "Even when he was there, he wasn't... what I needed."

"I know. And for what it's worth, I've been giving him hell for that."

"In heaven?"

"So to speak. But he does love you, son."

I closed my eyes and concentrated on keeping my emotions in check. My tears spilled over, but at least I didn't release a sob. "I love him, too," I said in a low voice, opening my eyes and staring at the bar. "I guess there's no point in trying to tell him that."

"He knows." She lifted her head.

I looked at her and saw that she was looking beyond me. I turned to see Ray just within range of the light.

"Ben... you okay?" Ray asked.

"I'm all right," I answered, wishing I could know how long he had been there.

He came toward me. "I thought maybe you were on the phone... just talking to yourself?"

"Mm." It wasn't really an answer, so it wasn't a lie, I told myself.

"Hey... are you crying?" He reached up to touch my face. "What's wrong?"

"Uh... nothing's _wrong_." That wasn't really a lie, either.

He stared at me, worry clear on his face. "Did I do something...?" he asked timidly.

"No." I stood up and pulled him against my chest. "No, I promise, you didn't do anything wrong." I kissed his face. "I was just remembering some things about my parents. It's okay."

He hugged me tightly. "Do you want to tell me about it?"

For a moment, I considered telling him that my mother was there, but I decided I should wait until I had slept, at least. "Not right now," I said. I glanced back, but there was no sign of her. It seemed she was going to follow the same annoying pattern of appearing and disappearing without warning that my father had. "Come on, let's go back to bed."

"Okay." He took my hand and led the way back to the bedroom.

Back in bed, he wrapped me in his arms and rested his chin on my head, and though it was strange to be the one being held instead of doing the holding, it was nice.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you, too." I closed my eyes and let go of my worries. Soon, I was asleep.

* * *

I felt rested when I woke to find Ray softly kissing me. When he sat up and saw that I was fully awake, he smiled sheepishly. "Sorry. You looked so... kissable."

I smiled. "Thank you... I never knew what I looked like when I was asleep."

"Ha. Well, I haven't caught you drooling yet. And if you snore, I haven't heard it." He brushed his fingers over my face. "Are you feeling better this morning?"

"Much better."

"Good. It's Saturday, so we should take it easy."

Saturday. Ray Vecchio would be proposing, if things had gone well last night. "All right." In the light of day, I was starting to think that my mother's visit might have been a dream. I couldn't decide whether or not I would be disappointed if it had been.

"How about if I make you breakfast this time?"

I had little experience with his culinary skills. "If you want to. Scrambled eggs?" I thought that would be safer than asking him to attempt over-easy eggs, or an omelet.

"Sure." He leaned over to kiss my head before crawling out of bed.

I wasn't sleepy anymore, but I stayed in bed a little longer. Diefenbaker came into the room and stared at me judgmentally. I rarely let him sleep in.

"All right," I said defensively. "It's Saturday. We're taking it easy."

Dief put his paws on the edge of the bed.

"Oh, no. That wasn't an invitation to join." I sat up and pushed the covers back. "Don't worry; I'll feed you soon."

I went to the bathroom to complete my morning ritual and then joined Ray at the bar. He had constructed two plates of entirely edible scrambled eggs.

"Thank you," I said.

"No problem... it's nothing."

"Do you want to go somewhere when we're done?"

He paused with his fork in his mouth. "Mm..." After a moment, he pulled it out. "We can. I don't know where, though."

"We could take a sight-seeing ferry," I suggested.

He looked put off by the suggestion. "I've seen the city from just about every angle already... Oh, but have you been to the Sears Tower yet?"

I shook my head.

"Well, you can't live in Chicago any longer than you already have without seeing the Skydeck," he said emphatically.

"It's an observation deck, yes?"

"Yup. My school took a field trip not long after it was built. It was pretty cool. Kept meaning to go again, but I never did."

"In that case, I think we should go. Will they allow Dief to come with us?"

Ray glanced at Dief. "Eh... I doubt it. Maybe if I show 'em my badge..."

"No, no. I wouldn't want you to do that. He'll just have to stay here."

Dief made a dissatisfied sound.

"I'm sorry, but you know how it is," I told him.

He barked.

"Oh yes, I forgot I haven't fed him yet."

* * *

Although it had been so long since he visited it, Ray seemed to remember the Sears Tower vividly.

"Some guy climbed the outside of the building like... ten years ago or so," he said, seeming to bounce with excitement. "They arrested him for trespassing. _Trespassing._ Seriously.

"Wait until we get on the elevator. One of the kids in my class got sick and almost threw up. She had to sit down most of the time we were on the hundred-third floor."

"You seem pleased about that."

"No, I felt bad for her, but it's funny now."

"Is it?"

"Yeah. Like it's funny now that we jumped out of a plane into thirty feet of snow, but at the time it was insane and scary."

"I see."

We bought our tickets, looked at some exhibits and then rode the elevator to the 103rd floor with a couple of stops on the way up. The view was worth the time it took us to get there, not to mention the substantial G-force. The day was clear, and we could see the Michigan mainland across the lake, as well as a forest of buildings in all other directions. I picked out the Chicago River and several other notable landmarks.

"It all looks different from up here," Ray said. "You get these kinds of views more than I do, climbing stuff to follow crooks, but I bet you've never seen anything quite like this."

I shook my head. "Not quite." I put my arm around him, and then realized he might not want me to, but he made no protest.

"It makes me feel like a giant."

"Up a beanstalk?" I asked, and he laughed. Looking down hundreds of meters at the streets below, I said, "It makes me feel small."

He put his arm around my waist.

"You know," I said, "I've heard that there's a company in Toronto that might buy this building."

"What? No. No way that will ever happen."

"Perhaps not, but it is possible."

"Whatever."

Inspired by the view, I decided to be a bit impulsive. "Ray?"

"Mhm?"

"I know you seem enthusiastic about our upcoming ceremony and all, so I know it's not necessary, but..."

He tilted his head forward to look at me curiously.

"I hope you'll indulge me, because I've always wanted to do this, and this may be my only chance." I took his hand and knelt beside him.

His face went through an interesting phase of responses: widened eyes, a smirk, a furtive look around the room, reddening, a barely controlled smile. "Fraser..."

"Stanley Raymond Kowalski, will you do me the honor of becoming my lifelong partner?"

An awkward laugh, a deeper shade of red. "Of course, I will... you freak."

As I got up and pulled him into my arms, I was vaguely aware of some scattered applause.

He kissed me quickly and then whispered in my ear, "Most of them aren't really cheering—they're cat-calling."

"Ah. I see," I answered. I turned us toward the glass and the magnificent view once again. "In that case, I suggest we ignore them."

A few minutes later, I heard someone telling their child it was time to leave. He protested that he wanted to stay a little longer, and they relented. I thought little of the exchange, until the boy came into my peripheral vision. When I looked over, I caught him staring at me. He looked to be near age twelve.

Ray noticed, too. "Whatcha lookin' at?" he asked pointedly.

The boy looked down and blushed.

"Now, Ray, there's no harm in curiosity," I scolded. To the boy, I said, "I'm sorry about that."

The boy shrugged and looked around before sidling a little closer. "I wanted to ask you something."

"Here we go," Ray muttered quietly.

"Ask away," I said.

"I, uh..." The boy swallowed. "I think I might... might be like you," he said, looking around again with obvious nervousness. "I don't know if I should tell my parents. Do you think I should?"

"I can't answer that without knowing your parents," I told him. "I'm sure they care about you very much, but that doesn't mean they'll understand."

"I'd say if you're cool with the way you are, wait a while and try to bring it up gradually," Ray put in. "If you're not, go ahead and tell them today. The sooner you put it out there, the sooner they can help you."

He looked as if he might be about to ask something else, but then his mother came over.

"Mike, we're going now," she said firmly. Then she gave me a rather guarded look. "Sorry," she said, taking her son by the hand. He wriggled free almost immediately.

"No apology is necessary," I assured her. I smiled at the boy. "It was good to meet you, Mike."

"Thanks... Mister..." He held out his hand.

"Constable..." I stopped and shook my head. "I mean, Staff Sergeant Fraser," I told him, shaking his hand firmly, "RCMP."

"You're a soldier?"

"A Mountie."

"Cool."

"Come on," the mother said, this time putting her hands on her son's shoulders and turning him away. "See you," she said to me.

I highly doubted we'd be seeing her again, so it seemed like an odd thing to say, but I merely nodded and wished her a good day.

A moment later, I heard Ray mutter, "Oh, god."

I followed his gaze and saw that the woman was wiping her son's hand with a cloth.

"I think she's afraid you might have infected him."

"Never mind," I said. "There's no point in getting offended over little things." I took his hand and threaded my fingers through his. "I'm sorry I don't have a ring for you."

He smiled. "That's okay. Actually, I have an idea about rings... Leave that part to me, okay?"

"Okay," I said, though I was suddenly very curious.

When we turned away at last, I spotted my mother nearby. She smiled at me.

 _Ah, so I didn't dream it._

She seemed to read my thoughts on my face. "I'm really here—again," she told me.

I smiled a little, but didn't answer.

"It was a nice place to propose," she said.

 _Glad you approve._

"Though I'm not sure doing it so openly was for the best."

 _So, you don't approve?_

"But the important thing is that you have a strong bond of solidarity."

 _Ah,_ that's _the important thing, is it?_

"And you needn't give me such a sarcastic look, young man."

 _Yes, ma'am. Sorry._

"That Mike might have an easier time of things, thanks to you. So, something good came of it."

 _Besides the acknowledgement of our intentions, you mean?_

"I thought I told you not to look at me in that tone."

 _Yes, ma'am._

"And just because I said things would be easier for him doesn't mean you were right to encourage him."

 _I'm just confused now._

"Come on, now. I know you can keep up. Didn't the rector agree that yours was a special case? You can't know that Mike will have the same situation as you."

 _That's true enough, but I don't see that as a significant reason not to give him advice when he asked for it._

"He did ask... I suppose you did your best under the circumstances."

"Are you okay?" Ray asked me quietly on the ride back to the ground floor. "You got quiet."

I gave him a reassuring smile. "I'm fine. What would you like to do for lunch?"

"I don't know... how about sub sandwiches or something?"

"Are you going to tell him I'm here?" My mother asked.

"That might be nice," I told them both.

"Good," said Ray. "Nice and simple."

"Then, go ahead," she urged.

 _I can't until we're alone._

She looked around the elevator. "These people already think you're odd, mentally unstable or damned; what are you afraid of?"

I sighed quietly and directed my gaze to the ceiling.

"Did you want something else?" Ray asked.

"No. Sorry, I was thinking about something entirely different. I'll tell you about it while we eat, if we can get some privacy."

"Okay."

* * *

Tucked away in the booth of a sandwich shop, we were finally safe enough from prying eyes and eavesdroppers to have a real conversation.

"You remember what I told you about my father's ghost," I said.

"Yeah." Ray unwrapped his sandwich.

"Well, after he caught his last man, he had no reason to stick around, but now... now that you and I are together..."

"Is he back?"

"No... my mother."

"Your mom's here? Is she here right _now?"_

"Yes."

He glanced around. "Guess I won't be able to see her, huh?"

"I highly doubt it. Though one of the factors involved seems to be whether or not the ghost wants to be seen, so I'm not sure."

"Where is she?"

"She's sitting next to me."

Ray stared at the empty space beside me. "Should I... say hello?"

I shook my head uncertainly. "I don't know what the protocol is."

"Just because he can't see or hear me," Mom said, "doesn't mean there's no point in being polite."

"Um... hello, Missus Fraser," Ray said.

"Pleased to make your acquaintance. Please, call me Caroline."

"She... wants you to call her Caroline," I said, feeling very awkward. I suspected it wouldn't take much to convince Ray that this was all in my head, and it might feel to him as if he were dealing with a child and his imaginary friend.

"Caroline," Ray repeated. "Will you... be staying long?"

"There's no telling how long I'll be here," she answered. "So, if you're hoping to get rid of me, don't hold your breath."

"She doesn't know how long she'll be here," I said.

"My, you're a cheeky interpreter, aren't you?" she remarked.

I smiled slightly.

"Is she going to be with you the whole time?" Ray asked.

"Oh, no. She turned up last night, but then she left for a while and I didn't see her again until we were at the Skydeck."

"Oh, that's what you were up to. I was worried you were... I don't know. Anyway... that's good to know."

"He's worried I'm going to spy on you at inappropriate moments," she said.

I shook my head.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing. But you don't need to worry. For the most part, you can just go about business as usual. I'll tell you if she's present and you need to know."

"I feel like I should know, whether or not you feel like I need to."

"He's right," she said. "It's only fair that he know when there's someone else in the room."

"Dad didn't see it that way," I said.

"Well, I never knew your dad," said Ray, "but then again, we weren't a couple when he was around."

I hadn't been talking to him, but I let it go. "All right; I'll try to remember to inform you whenever she's here."

"Thanks."

* * *

Mom let us finish the rest of our relaxed day in peace. We walked Dief, ordered pizza for supper and watched some TV. After that, I gave Ray another installment of the Beanstalk story, getting the trio back to the first birdcage where Kristoff was dutifully impersonating Victor. It had been only a day since they left him, but already he had fallen prey to the temptation of Cookie's delicious food. I dramatically revealed that Kristoff had known Sally was in the giant's castle all along—though he had never met her in person, she was actually his betrothed. This posed a problem for Victor, who had become quite enamored of her.

"Ben," Ray interrupted me.

"Yes?"

"Sally is Stella, isn't she?"

I realized I had made that rather obvious.

"Kristoff is me, Victor is Ray Vecchio, and Jack is you."

"I didn't intend to do that when I first started telling the story," I said. "But... it has rather gone that way, I suppose."

"So, Kristoff ends up falling for Jack, and they all live happily ever after?"

"You want to be done with the story?"

He shrugged. "I like listening to you tell it, but I kind of know the end now."

"You expected to know the end when I first started it, didn't you?"

"I guess. Maybe we should just leave it for a while."

"All right." I moved away from him and turned sideways on the couch, tugging him toward me.

He scooted between my legs and leaned back against my chest, sighing contentedly when I settled my arms around him. "You think he's asked her yet?"

"He did say he planned to do it tonight," I said, lifting Ray's wrist to check his watch. "They've probably had dinner by now. So, possibly."

"Hm."

I kissed his temple. "You're not having qualms about it, are you?"

"No... not really. I just feel... weird."

"She was yours for a long time. I'm sure it feels very strange to know she'll belong to someone else."

"You make it sound like she was a pet."

I snorted. "You know what I mean. Her heart was yours."

"For a while, yeah. I've got no reason to feel bad, though. I'm in love with you, I'm happy to be with you..."

"Even pain can be difficult to let go of, when it's become a constant part of your life," I told him knowingly. "I don't have any expectations of what you should be feeling right now. So, don't think you can't tell me about it if you want to."

"Okay." He tipped his head back so he could kiss me. "I love you so much."

"And I you."

* * *

 _Cuddly fluff... I feel like I need some more angst. *starts plotting* Meh. We'll see. Please drop a line if you enjoyed the read._


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